Help me pls

>be me in 2010
>do well in education, nerdy, loser
>see the social network in cinemas and become inspired to learn programming
>buy a dumb "teach yourself python" book and find it boring, barely go through it
>2011
>do a non CS stem degree and enjoy the programming in the courses more than the actual subject
>still don't learn anything in my free time
>summer 2013
>buy an O'Reilly Java book and try to make myself go through it while typing all examples and find it incredibly boring
>go through half of the MIT MOOC on intro to CS and enjoy it but still do nothing in my spare time
>know deep down that simply diving in to practical stuff is the only way to learn but have no initiative
>2015 to now
>try to go through multiple O'reilly javascript and CSS and PHP books by typing every example but it is INCREDIBLY BORING and realise I am being retarded
>sporadically go through SICP and find it long winded as fuck
>realise the reason I don't do any programming is because I fucking hate having to google how to do shit and fear of failure in general
>also feel like I have to go through SICP or else I'm doomed to be a code monkey forever
>know that even when I go through SICP I will feel like I have to learn tonnes of other stuff like algorithms and data structures (I don't mean looking them up when necessary)
>if I had just dived the fuck in and experimented with shit in 2010 without going through boring ass books I would have produced lots of shitty code and then less shitty code and then good code
>instead I let myself waste all my free time on the internet - I didn't even have a social life due to being an ugly nerd beta autist loser
>7 years of potential expertise building down the drain and I got a STEM degree but had no interest in it either

How do I get the balls to just do stuff? There are probably ten trillion teenagers who code stuff and make thousands online while I dither and feel guilted in to going through boring SICP?

get a job and learn about the workplace
you can always quit if its not your thing

>I fucking hate having to google how to do shit
You're fucked mate. Do yourself a favor and stop thinking about programming.

OP here.

I feel like a lazy, docile, pathetic little creature hewn for wagecuckery through the school and university system.

I used to get near perfect grades but now I feel prouder for doing the minimum on my degree and getting a 2:1 and also for putting low effort in my jobs.

Maybe a slight exaggeration.

maybe go on a lsd trip or ayahuasca to shock yourself back

Idk you might be a bit older. I never feel like a nasty niggy if I fuck up / need to ask for help. Most of the spaghetti boys are too concerned with helping Asian girls with their shit solutions they procrastinated to come up with while the chad extroverts already slammed that gook snatch after they finished the homework the day it came out

It takes a certain mindset and way of thinking to be a good coder. Some people just don't have it. I'm one of those people. I'd like nothing more than to sit on my ass at home, writing code and getting paid for it, but reality isn't kind. I could become a coder, but if I insisted on walking that path, I'd never be a good coder, I'd be spewing out spaghetti code and people would hate me. Why contribute to the problem when I know that I'm not suitable for the role?

...

Don't listen to this "coder" homo I don't even need to finish reading his post to tell he's a goofy

Actual programmer here who got hired after 1.5 years of applying and will be fired soon cuz I suck,


Books are kind of worthless. For the basics (variables, functions, classes, structures like arrays, etc...), it's all on YouTube. Once you've got that down. It's time to dive into real code written by real engineers on GitHub. Fork some open source projects, get them running locally, study the code, find out what it's doing (use google, read docs, youtube...) and why it was written that way (meaning learn about the design pattern of the language. For example, if you're looking at React code, you'll see the code organized into containers and components), then fix issues/add stuff like new features or documentation.