ITT: pretend you're in silicon valley
>Day 14: I'm at my first junior developer job in silicon valley, nobody suspects that I'm actually a guy pretending to be a tranny just so they'd give me a diversity job.
>I saw one of the purple-haired HR staff do a double take at me as she walked by, her hand darted straight to the book of write-up slips she keeps on her belt loop.
>I'm in way over my head!
>ITT: pretend you're in silicon valley
Day 1: I exit the car, rack the slide and start blasting every CIA nigger in sight.
Does this actually work?
> Day 31: Met for drinks with friends from college. All are jealous that I landed a job at one of the big four. With my $90k starting salary I'm almost middle class!
Kek
>Year 3: I'm white and right-wing AF, but I lied and said that I was a jew and progressive, so I got a senior position pretty quickly
>If you don't listen to people
>or read people
>it's pretty nice to work at Google.
>day 0
>i've already gotten fired for being white
>Hello, what would you like?
>XX$, how you will pay?
>Swipe it, chips aren't accepted.
>Day 196: I just got a raise! Now that I'm making $185,000 a year, I can rent a box in a nicer alleyway to live in! No more nights of Frank trying to stab me!
>just hopped onto my boosted board to visit my neogender friends
>we will take the uber to the juice bar and brainstorm new gluten free bagel combinations for our start up
>I hope my startup friends like my new websight completely written in nim (html is wayyy too mainstream)
>I hope I don't trip and break my backpack full of devices made out of fragile glass again! Ugh
>Day 7: Jesus Christ this rent is expensive. I had to lower the amount of money I spent on food to pay it off. Can you believe I only bought 7 limes. Next thing you know I'm going to have to live off of avocado toast.
>day 98: I've worked at company X long enough that they're now letting me be on call! I don't get paid for this time since I'm salaried but I get unlimited PTO so it should be fine :D
>Day 10: I'm making five times the money of everyone I've ever known. No wonder people love living here.
>Day 14: Rent is how much?
>Day 211: i make 120k a year as a google engineer and I live in a box truck in their parking lot to save 60k annually on rent, i'm a genius!
Is rent and living standards like food that expensive? More than NY and Japan?
Average rent in a shitty place is 6K while making 30-50K
Would pose as atranny actually work? Would they look over/check qualifications?
I'm getting pretty desperate and I would consider this unironically.
Only correct answer.
Day 01: join a "fight club" filled with pencil necked edge Lords trying to feel alive.
Day 02: slap my way to being the world's most powerful nerd, and golf with an executive who uses Linux.
Day 03: Silicon Valley is in the palm of my hands. I have my fight club running prostitutes, and acid for top CEOs looking for that creative edge, and a young 10/10 qt 3.14 to cum in. They feel on top of the world, and I have dirt on the tech world's most successful.
Day 04: I'm fucking bulletproof. I own this shithole, and I have every DM under my thumb.
Day 05: This was 10 years ago lads.
>day 15693536
>I've finally finished an operating system in assembley
>I've no need of flesh
>I've no need of light
>I am my machines now
>oh and the Chinese lady next door makes a mean pho.
>be apple employee
>transferred to my new office at the meme ring
>fuck
>all underground parking is taken
>have to park at the lot out back
>takes 10 mins to find a space
>spend 10 mins walking back to meme ring
>arrive at entrance
>fancy tram is full
>walk to my office
>its 26 mins away
>get vertigo on the way there because big glass wall and freefloating platform is terrible
>open door to office
>there are 10 of my coworkers in an area made for 5
>open office will be the death of me
>sounds from people on the walkway outside are deafening as the glass wall acts as a parabolic dish pointing inward
>sounds like gunshots when someone has heels
>do nothing of use all morning
>lunch time
>spend 10 mins walking to nearest cafeteria
>there are no chairs
>decide to eat in my communal cuck shed of an office
>by the time i get back its cold
>dont care because i feel like vomiting after the vertigo again
>Day 1
>Everyone wants me dead because they aren't racist and hate cumskins like me
>The only reason Google can't fire me is because i'm their best engineer and AI researcher, if they fired me they would easily sink
>day 5
>For the sake of diversity 3 blacks were hired, 2 of them are niggers but i managed to bear this one named T. No those aren't acrynyms, he legaly changed his name to Mr. T.
>He somewhat understands machine learning, and shows both an aptitude and desire to learn more.
>day 10
>we became friends, this fucking nigger knows his shit and he's the only one here who isn't a fucking cuck
>"Yo mang, you heard about those niggas who be talking about being kangs and shiet? *Laughs in nigger*"
>One day he discovers im a chan-tard when i use a Sup Forums specific term
>He fucking winks at me and meets me after work to congratulate and "real tawlk"
>day 18
>Turns out the guy is a Sup Forumsster, believes some of the Sup Forums memes. He voted MAGA.
>day 28
>stuck on a specific block of code, writers block or something
>he walks past, does some impromptu bro-coding with me, and manages to figure out that specific problem
>just winks at me and lets me take all the credit
>day 76
>we managed to parse the compilers, and retro-spin the modulators
>me and T are talking and shit when Mr. T's manager walks in and hears him use the word nigger
>thinks i trained the monkey to use demeaning words and turn him into an uncle Tom
>He calls her a bitch and tells her "the real deal"
>She leaves speechless
>day 77
>she came back, with higher-ups
>i get repremanded, T gets caged and "unwhitified"
>day 78
>I'm packing up to leave
>I see mister T
>call to him
>he looks at me with a stern look and starts shouting profanities at me
>apparently the brainwashing worked, he became fully niggerfied, stopped having interests in anything, stopped caring about life, started to smoke weed, became and emotional and mental child again, and hates whitey
:^(
>Day 2
>Be presented a new female co-worker
>Bill the field manager tells me to train her and teach her the ways
>Gladly do
>Bill sees me at lunch
>Bill tells me after training her I will have 1 week left
...
>conservashits fantasize about working in SV
We don't want you and will fire you. Fuck off.
>not carrying one in the tube
Why live.
>All I do is write pseudocode magically interpreted through the power of python
>I get paid $60/hour fresh out of school and yet the work I do is objectively simple and anyone can do it
>I get to call myself an engineer without actually having an engineering degree, nor taking the fundamentals/professional engineering exams
>all because I'm hip by being SELECT DISTINCT FROM {Tranny, Nigger, LGBTQB+, Jew}
FPBP
You can get an apartment in the valley for $2000 a month, which is barely anything when you make $200k a year as a new grad.
en.wikipedia.org
You are NOT going to make 200 THOUSAND DOLLARS at an entry level anything in SV.
A much more realistic salary is 80k, you're still going to pay over 30% of your total income to rent alone.
>get job in silicon valley
>barely do any work
>sometimes don't show up at all
>americuck nu-males and purple-haired sjws have to work twice as hard to make up for my laziness
>can't fire me because I'm foreign and that would be racist
>We
Implying you work there lmao
I agree with the sentiment here but you absolutely expect 200k starting if you have a PhD in EE and work as a chip architect, or a PhD in Maths/Stats and work as a quant. But as a normal old slightly above average code monkey, nowhere near 200k
Literally every big company, Apple, Facebook, etc, hire at the 200k level. Nice sour grapes.
Maybe total compensation, as well as factoring in sign-on bonuses, but no company hires software dudes at 200,000 american dollars into your pocket at the entry level
Why would you care about anything else? Salary doesn't matter at all if you aren't a poorfag living paycheck to paycheck.
Who are you talking to?
The idiot claiming people do not make 200k at the entry level in the valley now backpedaling.
>but I meant salary!
? How is that backpedaling? $200k dosh and $200k with a huge chunk of it being (((compensation))) are pretty different. I would much prefer $200k straight salary instead of $110k salary, a sign-on bonus with a bunch of strings attached which I only get if I jump through hoops x y & z, some mediocre benefits and catered lunches. Just give me money.
>all that 'money'
>cant fix his teeth
>a sign-on bonus with a bunch of strings attached which I only get if I jump through hoops x y & z
Literally all you have to do is not be fired within 1 year. You must be an absolute idiot. Stock is better than cash because you're getting free growth during the vesting time.
>Stock is better than cash because you're getting free growth during the vesting time.
Assuming your company doesn't do something monumentally stupid while you're there. Do you actually work in SV or are you just another dork halfway through his CS state school degree projecting his impossible dreams into reality on an anonymous Polynesian doll collecting forum?
>$200k a year as a new grad.
People don't actually believe this do they?
>Assuming your company doesn't do something monumentally stupid while you're there.
If you company has a significant chance of doing something monumentally stupid then it's already factored into the price. You're getting the equivalent of an interest free loan to invest into the stock of a specific company on the market. You would have to be an idiot not to take such a loan, or not know anything about finance.
totes true. MS intern offer this summer is 7250/mo plus 7k for housing and 1.5k for travel.
Thats on the low end of the high end too.
Suuure it is
> uber to the pharmacy to pick up my PrEP; grab breakfast at a mexican bakery-- quédeliciosa!
> start project: new cryptocurrency token
> write a first-draft white paper:
> "BLOCKCHAIN TECHNOLOGY SMART CONTRACTS BLOCKCHAIN FAST TRANSFER TIME BLOCKCHAIN ICO"
> pay indian $5 on upwork to format in latex and pad with references
> ask eager, purple-haired intern to make website with bootstrap:
> "BLOCKCHAIN TECHNOLOGY SMART CONTRACTS BLOCKCHAIN FAST TRANSFER TIME BLOCKCHAIN ICO" *scrolling-animation*
> ask trans intern to spam twitter and reddit after they return from their mental well-being break in yoga loft
> investors jump on it immediately; use part of the resulting $30mil venture capital to buy a nice mission workshop backpack and hit the gay bathhouse
> while getting assreamed by a bear, text milquetoast white dude intern to throw some shit up on github at some point
In... Silicone valley?
I have to pretend that I am there?
Okay here goes
>day 4
>...
>...
>*the slamming to the ground*
>*the loss of sense across my body*
>the bridge... from which I had fallen
>painted its last, in my eyes
>they close now
>*the sound of the tires... skidding*
>it was the last thing that I heard
>the last thing they had expected
>the last thing I thought
>it was an inconvenience on them, sure
>an inconvenience on everyone traveling that day
>but no matter for me
>for I am free from this existence
>free from this valley and horrible life
>free from the great lengths at which these people stray from God
>free from the weight of this cult of a society
>may it be selfish
>I disagree
>*sudden noises break the silence*
>shit what have I done
>"user, we need you to come over here and look at this bullshit"
>*disoriented* I look up from my seat and around
>scanning for the sound, I find Dave at my door
>*nodds* I watch as he steps out, still processing what he had said
>in utter despair I come back to reality
>*long sigh* this is what my life has come to
>collecting myself as best I can, I pause for a moment
>trying not to think or focus on anything, I just look at my desk space
>with regret and hopelessness on my face, I rise, and step out of my office and try to locate the bullshit without too much eye contact with the rest of the employees.
Is unlimited PTO a meme?
When's the next gigantic BDSM drug and sex orgy? My girlfriend's husband invited me to one last week and it was crazy. Managed to get a whole lot of shares and STDs.
Exists at some places. Lots of smarter employers just care that you produce and not when and how you work.
Where were you when Sup Forums became a Sup Forums satellite?
>day 43
>go to work
>get shot
i don't remember things that long ago
>damn I only increased my net worth by $200k this year
>at this rate it will take until I'm 30 to reach my retirement goal of $2mil
Seriously, I can't understand how retarded wagecucks can work until they're 65. I would kill myself if I had to do that.
>>open office will be the death of me
libre office 4lyf
i don't know if it would work, I'm too scared to try.
But I do know you'll get more immediate replies to your resume if you submit it with a girls name instead.
Try it sometime, it's infuriating.
>live in Silicon Valley
>$120k net salary
>spend $100k for rent
>at least I don't live in Sacramento
>Cry tears of joy because I'm a third wolder (albeit not a shitskin but still from a shithole).
Even some mcjob out there probably pays 10x more what I have here and unlike our taxes I could afford a top of the line PC without having to use the credit card to pay in 10 months for a single GPU.
I was going to buy a threadripper because I use blender a lot then found out here it's 1630 dollars for a 1950x and another 1000 for a crappy asrock taichi.
>day 1 move in
>day 2 get swatted because Intel CPU backdoor
banner related
lmao this thread is hilarious. so many sour grapes. somehow I used to think people in this board werent complete losers.
Haha I am saving that pic!
haha whatever makes you feel better about yourself buddy. keep your chin up :^)
pajeet life must be suffering.
this an example of delutional thread.
:^)
>and I will look down and whisper gyno
Thanks lardtits
just the poltards
>Being attracted to men.
Oh wow $2000.
Those are Toronto numbers.
You need to get those numbers up.
Japan is cheap though since the declining population means property values are dropping hard. You can get a house in a suburb of Tokyo for only $300k which is impossible to do in SF, LA, or NYC.
Looks like somebody hit a little too close to home
Meh...fight me virgin.
Ah..! Virgin! Good one!
Mad enough to respond.
Don't you have somewhere else to be right now?
I'm gonna bet "" "" white "" "" Br
>Tokyo suburb
Tokyo is fucking huge. By that logic Sacramento counts as a "suburb" of the valley.
One can dream of Mr Ts return
actually bad teeth is a mark of well-being, and wealth, as you work so much, you have no time for your hygiene. Same goes for taking a shit in the streets, it's sign of royalty, different country different customs.
Underrated
I almost thought this was an erp thread.
Haha ha I'm saving U!
Kotori A CUTE!
>Day 355: They still don't know i'm a spider.
OMG! This thread is destroying my sides! They hurt now! Stupid Drumpf!
>ITT: pretend you're in silicon valley
But I'm in Silicon Valley
>You can get an apartment in the valley for $2000 a month, which is barely anything when you make $200k a year as a new grad.
>$2000
>Liveable
Maybe if you get a shitty room mate or something. I make a lot more than what you wrote and even then its difficult to save money if you're not willing to take a hit on living standard.
Then you obviously didn't bother to do your research or your "living standard" is retarded.
>day 1
>patent a cool idea
>sell it to some billionaire
>retire
>spend 4h in traffic to work because america
>spend 12h at work because america
>spend 4h in traffic home because america
>sleep 2h in your plywood home for 4 million bucks because america
>become adult
>get paid enough to afford all the vidya and computer shit I want
>no time to enjoy it because job
Don't do this
>"living standard" is retarded.
I'm from an upper class family, sorry I'm not willing to live with my own shit like you NEETs do.
>but no company hires software dudes at 200,000 american dollars into your pocket at the entry level
I had a summer internship at Apple during my junior year, and all of the software engineering interns were paid around $50/hr.
$120 - $150k is typical. $200k might be a bit of a stretch, but might be doable.
>day 41: i'm living in my car outside of a whole foods and eating stuff out of their dumpster
>i spend all my energy on my laptop applying for jobs and doing fiver jobs just to afford food and gas and
>the other day I had to go without lunch just so i could afford the dry cleaning for my interview attire
>i've applied to 274 companies and gotten 36 interviews and none of them have ever called me again
>they don't even look at my portfolio i checked my github stats
>Day 200: Company is starting compulsory estrogen injections on all white males to help with diversity
"unlimited PTO" is a jew meme
This sounds too real to be made up
Jesus is this cost of living thing true? I was salty because I heard all these new graduates getting over 120k to work in the valley, I'm getting 80k base pay before benefits working in dallas but my rent is only 900/month for a nice one bedroom apartment.