Really shitty 'tech phrases'

Those irritating phrases that immediately out someone as a moron. I'll start:

>Daily driver

Other urls found in this thread:

glassdoor.com/Reviews/Employee-Review-Verizon-RVW7649815.htm
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

“(…) our setup should be all fuzzy and dandy now.”
What the fuck

Arma a qt

I want Joi to be my daily driver

"rig"

Device app as a replacement for the word driver. Thank Microsoft for this bullshit.

>sequel server

>binary BLOB
>binary Binary Large OBject

>retina display

>diversity engineer

>intersectional relations artist

>Apple

on that note
PIN number
FLOPS per second

"fine, dandy and brightly colored"

diaf neil gaiman

>I've got a project in the cloud
Something tells me they're just getting paid to fuck around virtual machines on azure or aws.

>Let's touch base

...

>ping me

...

Host unreachable!!

>sounds like "lets touch dicks"

Really user? You think so? Fascinating.

What would you call the computer you mostly use than?
Main machine? Daily driver is a old saying that originated from other technology.

'daily driver' is just bullshit people on every buyers-club forum use

X as a Service

"Sexy"

>we need to up diversity in engineering
>say no more

literally genius, so simple, so elegant

searched for "diversity engineer" in quotation marks and found no evidence that any company has such a position, or that anyone uses that title. if you had a conniption fit because you read it somewhere (which itself is looking suspect), then you must have only had that one fit, because it's certainly not rising to the level of a common phrase.

>But can it run crisis 3?

>microservices
>software as a service
>mechanical keyboard

never understood how ec2 is a skill, or the other aws offerings for that matter

>Computer

It's a calculator.

glassdoor.com/Reviews/Employee-Review-Verizon-RVW7649815.htm

+ happiness engineer, community engineer. You can add engineer to anything now, it means nothing

That's what happens when you live in a country where "engineer" is not a recognized, proctected title. You couldn't pull that shit in France or Germany.

t. actual engineer

>cloud

What would you use instead of "mechanical keyboard"? They are surely different from membrane keyboards and the distinction is often desired.

I like to call it a desktop fedora

Holy shit user I've been kinda sad for the last couple of days and that made me laugh so hard and I'm feeling a lot better right now.

Thanks a lot.

>it's real
always thought it was just bad twitter bio jokes. The absolute state of america

sounds like something someone from sales would say

lol no, you get daily brainwashing clips delivered to your inbox by the diversity cast, shit was hilarious - or so was I told, I was never a verizon employee obviously

linux as in operating system

>responsive web

HR was a mistake

statist bootlicker detected

progressive web app

>informatician
>technician

want to touch butt

When will I can have my own Joi

"Did you try turing if off and back on again?"

>battlestation
>"OSX is better for music/video productivity! "

Try "diversity officer"

Some startups have "diversity commissars". I don't know which one is worse.

t. neet

Literally the best kino of the century.

Lold

>FLOPS per second
>his CPU/GPU doesn't have FLOP acceleration
laughing_klossy.jpg

Glad I could help.

I'd daily drive her if you catch my drift ;)

>Not setting height to 150

Wasted technology.

t. manlet

>the internet of things
>coding
>interactions engineer

>an intern describing their own job
I'm not very worried about it, but I can see why it might feel troubling.

>this [THING] is career-field agnostic
>this [THING] is specialty agnostic
>this [THING] is operating environment agnostic
>this [THING] is specification agnostic
>this [THING] is application agnostic
The next time someone uses the word agnostic to mean "neutral", I'm going to literally shit on the table of whatever office we happen to be in, right in front of everyone.

>Diversity Engineer

Brown female with no real responsibilities who is only there to walk around and be seen.

Yes, the difference being that here we just check your credentials and if you don't have licensure, certification, or a degree and experience, we toss your résumé in the garbage. Gee, that definitely needed legislation and beauracracy to solve.

>HR boogeyman meme
You realize those people are just operating on marching order from the top, the same as everyone else, right?

oh my god i want to strangle these pseudo-people

i use main machine

* Microsoft *
* Spreadsheet *
On my tablet..
My Wife uses ..
I read that on Facebook
* Facebook *
Smartwatch
Windows/Console Gaming
PC/Windows/Console * Masterrace
Playstation
PSVita
Nintendo
XBox
Steam-Sale
Nintendo Switch / Switch
Iphone App
Twitch / Twitch Channel / Twich Personality
YouTuber/Youtube Person/Personality
Internet-Famous
I installed X Anti Virus on my Phone/Machine!
I have X Firewall on my Phone/Machine!
Watercooled
Healt/Banking/Finance App
One Password, Last password, Login with Facebook
Women-in-Tech
Young People
Millennials (M-i-l-l-e-n-n-i-a-l-s for people with the snake-people addon)
Generation X/Y/Z
Homeowners
Consumers
Church Website
IOT / Internet of Things
Cloud-*
Alexa
Siri
Ok-Google
Home Automation
Apple Home Kit
Amazon Web Services AWS
Google App Engine
UWP Univeseal Windows Platform
* Evangelist
Apple Genius
Machine Learning
AI
VR
AR
Bitcoin Price
Crypto Currencies
Crypto Tokens
Smart-Car
Backend/Frontend-Engineer Task
110% Developer
Agile Development
Team-Building-Excerise
Scrum
24/7 - Support-Hotline
We need to close at least as manny support-tickets as were openned this week
Outsourcing / Inhousing
x is the expert on ..
Most Valuable *
VC Funding/Money
Kickstarter /Indigogo
.. and all the rest. Anyone who uses more than a few of these words unironically in the real world doesnt really plan ahead and or know what hes talking about.
Most likely its also someone who reads to much news, buys to much shit and doesn't get anything done.

>boeing this mad

That’s ok when talking about MSSQL. You can really find the lamers when they say “MY SEQUEL”. It’s My S. Q. L. As instructed in the official documentation.

you are clearly retarded

>OSX is better for music/video productivity!
Why does everyone say this, when you can install comparable software on any major OS?

>GNU/Linux
Windows mostly use chrome, why not call it
>Chrome/Windows

Holy fuck, I'm so glad I never went to the iron yard now.

>Young People
I hate this tech phrase as well.

keeb

anything less than 170 is gay

>real time

(to mean live, not to mean real time)

so... she sits on facebook and twitter all day

> Daily driver
>old saying that originated from other technology.

cars maybe?

>are you using blockchain yet?

"Linux is a server OS"

coping, the same goes for 'apple hardware'

Organic experience
Minimalist
Coding
Cyber violence
Cyber bullying
Code of Conduct
Deep Web when referring to Tor

so we are all interaction managers here

>tfw

I see two kinds of people who say this. People who have never use their computer for anything beyond facebook, and you have the people who do actual work with their computer, and have a set of applications that they prefer to use. The former will say stupid shit about all kinds of stuff tho.

There are the hardcore mac fans too, but there aren't too many of those anymore. I think also those can be ignored, they'll say anything to defend their platform, just like the amiga furries and the people that absolutely loves everything that microsoft does.

/dev/null as a service

>internet of things
Am I the only one who finds this term annoying? On its own it tells the layperson nothing...

The real IoT is a network independent from your home WiFi.
This allows devices to remain connected without user control.

It's just that most cities don't have an IoT network yet, so most people don't understand what it is.

ok, you can throw 'smart cities' and 'smart devices' on the pile

>kiosk

>I'll ping you
referring to sending an IM or email

What's wrong with daily driver?

This ITT thread :)

And "smart homes"

We actually use that in my job. Had no idea it was shitty all this time...

Speak for yourself normie