Australia

>Australia
>first world

Other urls found in this thread:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_Human_Development_Index
3news.co.nz/sport/video-highlights-australia-bowled-out-for-60-england-dominate-day-one-2015080706
numbeo.com/crime/rankings_by_country.jsp
scmp.com/news/china-insider/article/1442525/china-top-country-origin-fresh-new-zealand-immigrants
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

>Drive on the left
>Must wear hat in summer to not get skin cancer
>Shit internet
>Deadly wildlife
>Dangerous indigenous population
>Less culturally relevant in the 21st century than fucking New Zealand (LOTR, Lorde, etc)
>No domestic heating
>Literally no culinary culture other than Vegemite which is literally the Chinese bootleg version of Marmite
>Cuckstamp on the flag

Why is this '' country '' even allowed to exist?

>LEAF
SHART

Posting in an Epic thread

We yave higher HDI than you cunts have.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_Human_Development_Index

>Gook getter

Mart sharter

Haha wow laddy epic banters!

>Top HDI
>Produce electricity with FUCKING COAL

That alone proves HDI is a meme.

FUCKING

COAL

WHY IS YOUR HDI SO HIGH?

t. butthurt leaf

Because we're smarter and better educated than you are.

>be australian
>wake up next to your sister
>"ay dahlin fahk moi that was a noice root last noight"
>ride a kangaroo to the shitposting plant
>get stopped by abos
>their faces haven't loaded yet because of high ping
>give them all your petrol anyway
>apologise for invading their country
>say thank you to the traditional owners of the land, the irrawajjialabumbajjiju people
>continue on your way
>shitpost hard on Sup Forums all day so you can afford to pay your internet bill ($1000 for 0.1bps connection, 3mb data cap)
>go home
>get mugged by abos again
>no petrol this time, give them some of your ping instead
>switch on the tv
>the wallabies lost to new zealand again
>"fahkin no worries m8 she'll be roight I'll just watch the loigue instead"
>the kangaroos lost to new zealand again
>"m-muh cricket"
>3news.co.nz/sport/video-highlights-australia-bowled-out-for-60-england-dominate-day-one-2015080706
>"m-muh afl"
>can't see what's happening, players' mullets blocking the camera
>go to new zealand, steal some pavlova and claim it was yours all along
>cry yourself to sleep muttering "m-muh hdi, m-muh gdp per capita"
>get bitten by spoidah
>die within seconds

Delete this

YO LISTEN UP, HERE'S A STORY
ABOUT A LITTLE GUY WHO SHARTS IN A MART WORLD
AND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT AND EVERYTHING HE SHARTS
IS IN MARTS, LIKE HIM, INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
SHART IN HOUSE, WITH A SHART LITTLE WINDOW
AND A SHART CORVETTE, AND EVERYTHING IS SHART FOR HIM
AND HIMSELF, AND EVERY MART AROUND
CAUSE HE AIN'T GOT NO TOILETS TO SHIT IN

I'M POO, I WOULD KNEEL AND THEN SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
I WOULD KNEEL AND THEN SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
I WOULD KNEEL AND THEN SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
I WOULD KNEEL AND THEN SHART

I'M POO, DO A PEE AND A SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
DO A PEE AND A SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
DO A PEE AND A SHART
NUMBER TWO IN THE MART
DO A PEE AND A SHART

>be american
>shart in mart

to hell with you, poortherner italiANO

>NZ
>LOTR
>Cultural relevance
>used in same sentence

OI LEAF, STOP THAT, Stralia is the more relevant one

Nigga the Chinese are the smartest and most educated motherfuckers on earth and yet where are they on the HDI scale

On average they're smarter, but there culture and country is simply inferior

Remember when Australian banter was good?

No

jim went out for a little stroll
to the local mart
he had a very upset belly
foreboding a good fart

but what came instead
a big surprise
to none who reads this board
jim let loose and sprayed his pants
with a ´big ol' massive shart

>butthurt murifats are still forcing this false reality
S H A R T

I'd post my "Chinese Kindergarten" webm of the retard beating that 2 year old kid up, but butthurt chinks always report it and I get banned

so have this instead

chink intellect? I don't see it

But why Sweden :(

Not since Crocodile Dundee and old rock bands.

What the fuck has Australia produced recently? Meanwhile 2 of my favorite artists are Kiwis (Hayley Westenra and Lorde)

They had their time. But now it's time for the country of the superior flightless bird to shine.

>What the fuck has Australia produced recently?

Fury Road and the GOAT psychedelic scene (Tame Impala, Pond, King Gizzard etc)

>2 of my favourite artists
>Hayley Westenra and Lorde

leafs really cannot into culture can they

>Be Irish
>Get mistaken for Italian

TIM TAMS

Topkek

Coal? Fucking COAL? Why not shit? Just burn shit! Kill people! Burn shit! Fuck school!

Take a dump in the mornin' and it comes like I'm Pee-ing (hey what's up burger)
Grab my cart I'm out the door I'm gonna hit the city (let's go)
Before I scoot brush ma teeth with a pancake stack
'Cause when I leave for the mart I ain't comin' back

I'm talking butter on our toast toast
Neverchangin my clothes clothes
Doctors blowin' up our phones phones

Scooter riding, bag of smarties
Pullin' up to the marties
Tryna get a little bit irregular...

Don't fart, make it shart
Micky Dees, blow my arteries
Tonight, Imma shart
'Til I load up my cart
Ring Ring, from the doc
But the sharting don't stop no
Whoa-oh oh oh
Whoa-oh oh oh

Ain't got a care in world, my weight is genetic
Got insulin in my pocket, cause I'm diabetic
Now, janitors are lining up cause they hear we got sharts
But we kick em to the curb ain't given up pop tarts

I'm talkin' bout - everybody getting fat, fat
Can't even see my junk, junk
Gonna shart here if I'm getting too gassy, gassy
Now, now - we goin' 'til they kick us out, out
Or the health inspector shut us down, down
Poo poo shut us down, down
Poo-poo shut us - (down)-man

>Jamaican flag

WAH GWAN BREDREN

Deadly wildlife was literally an anti-immigration meme pushed by the government in the 70's to stop boat people coming over.

Seen that tons of times mate. Just post the screencap.

> >wake up next to your sister
What's wrong with that? I shared bed with Onee-chan when I was a teen.

Optus cut my internet for two months, what's the "Mart Shart' meme?

>Go down to the pub for a schooner of 4x gold
>Bunch of AJs by the bar in their blues
>Go up to them to have a yharn about our diggers
>"Whats your job mate"
>"I'm a geek with the RASIG in the Simpson Barracks"
>"Oh yeah I'm doing Maritime Trade Operations/Psychology/Public Relations"
>It fucking hits me these bastards are all choco soldiers and mangoes.
>Don't even finish my glass of piss.
Fuck if your going to join the ADF at least do it right cunts.

POO AND SUE
PLOP IN SHOP
RUNS AND GUNS
FREEDOM FAECES
CHANGE PANTS
BOWEL MOST FOUL
CRAP ON TAP
RED WHITE AND POO
DESIGNATED SHITTING PANTS
EXCREMENT IN ESTABLISHMENT
DEUCE IN THE PRODUCE
FART SURPRISE IN THE ENTERPRISE
DOODOO IN AISLE TWO
DEFECATE IN AISLE EIGHT
MUST GO IN COSTCO
SHARTED IN TARGET
LOOSE GUT IN PIZZA HUT
IT CAME OUT AT IN-AND-OUT
BAD SMELL AT TACO BELL
THE DOODOO FLOWS AT TRADER JOE
THE DOOKIE HIT ME AT WINN-DIXIE
POO BOULDER IN CUP HOLDER
DIARRHEA IN THE GALLERIA
SPLATTER THE FECAL MATTER

SHART IN MART! SHART IN MART! SHART IN MART!

can confirm all

BRING ALL THE PASTAS
>be australian
>housing bubble
>games are good $50 more expensive
>tramp stamp on flag
>everything is venomous, from dogs to sisters
>mommy has a belly pouch
>ping 400+ with data cap to slow down on that supersonic 1.5 Mb/s """"Internet""""
>struggle to load up about:blank
>smear vegemite on your wooden cables to boost the signal as petrol shaman instructed
>have a Gaytime that is hard to have on your own
>celebrate National Sorry Day
>go to Canada as a girl, get drunk and frostbitten during a nap outdoors in February
>go to Bali and get burned
>be tasmanian, be inbred
>get cancer due to the lack of ozone layer
>get glassed
>get fucked by Wei Long
>get shot by Muhammad the Pinoy
>get stomped by emus
>get kicked by cassowaries
>get stung by platypus and live in horrible world of pain for months
>get bitten by spiders in your closet
>get in the water and step on a venomous sea urchin
>get stung by a 4mm jelly fish
>get curb stomped in kings cross
>get privilege checked in lelbourne
>get chlamydia from koala
>get anthrax from wombat
>get fucked by kangaroo
>get rused by NBN Co. site
>get invaded by chinks
>get bit by snake in shower
>get kids stolen by dingos
>get laughed at by two Polacks on Sup Forums
>get nuked by fucking Brits of all people
>get mocked by New Zealanders
>get outside and fall into the pit because the world literally hasn't rendered yet
>lose all wars, even against allegedly lesser beings
>huff petrol, bubble and drink cow piss from a goon sack
>2 0 1 6
>0 * * 1
>1 * * 0
>6 1 0 2

>be Australian
>get out of the house to taste some fresh air
>fall into the pit because the world literally hasn't rendered yet
>get into hell after 4000 hours
>satan lags into the room
>get banned from high ping
>wake up in your bed
>mom phases through your doors while you masturbate
>you unlag your penis thrusting it too hard and breaking it
>artefacts everywhere

>be australian
>zone into bedroom after 11 retries logging into irl server
>clip through bed into basement rumpus room
>clip through dog and mum on way to freezybox, cutting them in half along multiple vectors
>panic
>attempt to hide inside barricaded bush shack
>hear sirens
>cops clip through door and have shot me dead before i hear the noise
>respawn ETA 17y13d4h153s

>be Australian
>wake up in prison
>emus take over the facility
>big cats start shooting people
>get out in chaos
>white haven't been replaced by chinks because the internet is so slow
>ERROR: GREENTEXT FAILED TO LOAD
>jump into the water
>'oi this be freedom'
>lag
>artefacts everywhere
>an abbo just phased through a boulder
>an octopus is swimming above surface
>phase through a stingray
>snake bites your asshole
>call emergency
>takes 10 years for ambulance to load
>get to hospital
>see doctor >crikey m8 looks like tha slithery slootha bantered ya a bit 2 hard there
>oi nurse get tha needly noidah for this pooftah
>takes 5 years to load antivenom
>roo fucks your mother
>it's not even 1998 yet because of massive ping
>die

>National Sorry Day
>it's actually real

>be australian
>get roasted online
>get roasted IRL due to depleting ozone layer
>at some point ancestors were deliberately roasted by abos
>about to be roasted by new PM
>has no other purpose or existence other than a island mine
>still have a higher crime rate despite being filled with less dirty chinks and malaysians
>numbeo.com/crime/rankings_by_country.jsp
>literally more fucking dangerous than sweden

I was wondering when I'd see you again.

>be Australian
>mock leaves on the Internet
>my 4 MB of data runs out
>go outside
>get stung by a leaf
>shoot myself

I'm always available in /polska/ under name wvt.

I have 11 Australian pastas, mate!

>Be australian
>decide to look at porn
>it's banned
>decide to browse youtube
>have to wait 48 minutes to load Men at Work's Down Under
>go for a stroll in the mean time
>forget sunblock and insect repelant cork hat
>run towards the nearest liquor store to get some shade
>get bitten by several spoidahs
>buy a twelve pack of Fosters
>run back home
>see an Abbo pointing at the corner
>get trampled by horse archers in your front lawn
>Down Under is still buffering

I'd never find you in there though. Vowels nigga, I need vowels.

Take your autism pills Wojcyk

>be autistralian
>throw a house party
>lots of people come
>house gets laggy as fuck
>the music stops
>host not responsive, connection lost
>dad comes home early, restarts house
>guests start respawning immediately
>"the fuck is going on here, son?"
>panic mode
>make a shitty attempt at explaining
>dad's not responding
>ping 3000 ms
>dad has timed out
>run off to the beach before he logs back in
>running too fast, map can't keep up
>fall down and get stuck in a half-loaded road
>cry out to a passerby for help
>he walks outside the draw distance before the message can reach him

Skype "zbydgoszczy" is also an option btw

I want to refine my main Aussie pasta so that it contains as many hilarious facts about Australia as possible, while keeping them real or exaggerated, but not false.

Australia fucking rules you faggots. Speak with your local doctor to see if suicide is the right option for you.

>be that one Australian user in
>meet qt mongol girl online
>she looks beautiful, is funny and understands me
>start to fall in love with her
>have the desire to fuck her really hard
>she feels the same
>arrange everything, buy her tickets to fly to here and rent extremely expensive hotel
>she finally arrives
>we instantly make out, my dick is rock hard
>"wait Temujin, there is something I have to tell you"
>whats going on
>I'm a... man
>she takes off her pants
>she has a penis 6 inches bigger than mine
>"I hope this isn't a problem Temujin"
>shocked but aroused because I'm an Aussie
>c-can I touch it
>"Sure!"
>start giving the mongolian trap a handjob
>god I love her so much
> start sucking it
>"Yes Temujin, your tongue is truly the fastest in all of Altai!"
>Deepthroat her gigantic mongol cock
>I'm actually enjoying this
>"YES TEMUJIN I WANT TO FUCK YOU NOW"
>have no option but to give my virgin Australian boypussy to the great Khans
>she drills my asshole like the Emus used to, filling me with joy
>I'm going crazy, cumming over and over again as the 10 Inch Mongol dick is destroying my Anus
>"YES TEMUJIN I'M COMING LIKE THE MONGOL HORDE CAME FOR THE ABBASID CALPIHATE"
>she fills my asshole with her superior Mongol semen
>stick my fingers in my ass and lick all of the mongolian genes
>"You've done great Temujin, the Great Khans will be pleased"
>walk outside to get some fosters
>get trampled to death my mongolian emu Archers

Table of contents

>It might be alright to see similar pastas made about Poland
>Poland is too irrelevant for anybody outside of the country to know anything about it
>Meanwhile people make jokes very specific to Australian life
>Your irrelevant country's most mundane details are more recognisable and of more interest to people than anything to do with Poland
So how's being ultra nationalist working out for you, Bogdan?

It's fine, though your country certainly is more exotic and interesting than ours. A lot of people that came here expected either a paradise (Ukrainians, Georgians, /balk/anites, muh heritagefags) or a desolate wasteland (bretty much anyone else), only to find out Poland is just an average country with nothing special in it

But there are pastas about Poland. Let me bring you one.
Ugly language, bad cuisine, very shitty people, terrible politicians, boring countryside and shitty culture, hideous cities, shitty music and cinema, pathetic army, neo-colonial economy with almost non-existant native industry and the list goes on.

Poland is literally the shitbucket of europe
Its as big as germany with half the population and nothing impressive ever came out of it
Never won a war or start an empire
Sucks ball at sports of any kind
Implied huge jewish population but sucks shit at finance and economics
Hitler literally see the poles as subhumans and wants polish clay so he can populate the aryans from germany in it.
Any average person will only know poland as "that country that was annihilated by the germans in the WWII".
Most are surprised it still exist.
Most people cant even find poland on the map and consistently mistook poland for either hungary or austria.
Its a country that is consistently bullied by countries around it and have absolutely no power to fight back due to its absolute low morale within its army and people.
Poland is so uninteresting and dull that nobody, even the arabs or the indians(well known for their immigration to western countries) wants to live there
Poland was supposed to be extinct and the amazement of it continuing its pathetic life like a dying rat is what makes poland literally the shithole of europe.

So fucking useless and incompetent you mistook it as a 3rd world country.

>be polish
>irrelevant on Sup Forums
>cannot into space
>KHAN'D twice in the 1200s
>gets invaded more than the town whore
>cherrypick Australia's minor faults
>construct greentext
>spam it for days on Sup Forums
>get bullied more anyway
>search for new fault
>find out Australia lost an eSports tournament to a pack of Mongols
>pass off new meme 1000 times in under 2 weeks
>use proxies to give the illusion that others like your "meme"
>disregard fact that your own country lost to MongolZ in the same eSports tournament
>get banned by mods for being autistic
>"meme" is forgotten by the end of March
>remain irrelevant on Sup Forums
>literally have an article about jokes about your country on Wikipedia
>put toilet paper on the washing line
>die trying to pronounce your own surname
>steal Indonesian flag and flip it
>have no army
>get fucked by chickens 24/7
>get bullied by Australia harder than your women in the 1200s
>get blitzkrieg'd by Germans
>get pierogi'd
>get car stolen
>get genocided
>get electrocuted in swimming pool
>get repelled by polish remover
>get invaded forever
>2 0 1 6

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

>get pierogi'd
My personal favourite.

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

poland is LITERALLY worse than hitler

Oh btw. this one is for Kiwis
>be Poo Peelander
>wake up next to your sheep getting fucked by a Maori
>"oi broo I'm gewing ewt to git sum fush n chups"
>ride a kiwi to the sheep farm
>get stopped by maoris
>they force you to do the Haka naked in front of your sheep
>apologise for invading their country
>say thank you to the traditional owners of the land, the Ngarikikaiputahitamanuhiri people
>continue on your way
>fuck sheep all day so they can feed on the nutrients in your semen and develop shiny thick coats for sale to aussies
>go home
>get mugged by maories again
>no haka this time, give them some of your bottled sheep cum instead
>switch on the tv
>NZ cricket team lost to the aussies again
>"god hilp me, it's like sicond underiiiim bewl egin!"
>the NZ olympics team lost to Australia again
>"m-mih rigby"
>scmp.com/news/china-insider/article/1442525/china-top-country-origin-fresh-new-zealand-immigrants
>"m-mih hibbits!"
>can't see what's happening, freshly sheared sheep wool blocking the screen
>go to australia, steal some pavlova and claim it was yours all along
>cry yourself to sleep muttering "m-mih sewth islind, m-mih lird if the rings"
>don't get bitten by a spider
>have to live longer, suffering miserably in your chink-infested shithole

That's a lot of lines there. Can you just give me the broad strokes please?

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

...

literally this

You're a disgrace to the nation. If Tony Abbott were here he'd send you back where you came from.

(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
(You)
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
(You) (You)
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Also I like some Polish bands so I can't really agree with that part.

Never try to convince foreigners on Sup Forums that Australia is a nice place. Never. Do it all you want elsewhere, but never give people on Sup Forums the idea that visiting this place is somehow a good idea. On the off chance that you've caught that one in a hundred poster that does leave his house, you don't want to risk them coming here.

This.
Always say Australia is a shithole

Only this way Australia can remain a shithole

...

Not quite what I was getting at, but at least you're hanging shit on Australia and telling people it's awful. Which is all that matters really.

If there's anything else I can do for Australia, just let me know

After all, we're the only current countries that officially bear the name Commonwealth/Rzeczpospolita

>If there's anything else I can do for Australia, just let me know
Tell 4channers they should travel to New Zealand instead.

>they go to New Zealand
>they like it enough to get citizenship there
>one day they come here with it and decide to stay even though we're full
Great outcome familius

He's back

I'm back lads

The Eternal Pole has been at it for more than a year. The archive only goes back this far but I know he's been at it for far longer. For more than a year now

But they still think Aus is a shithole. Plus Kiwis will always be telling them what a bunch of wankers we are. They'll probably just stay in NZ and bitch about how the old country was better. You know? Like wogs do here.

>more than a year
>The archive only goes back this far but I know he's been at it for far longer
>When you realise the depths of one man's obsession

>Be Australian
>Load up the Internetty device
>Click the big backwards blue "g" button to access intahnet explorah
>get to something called "goggles"
>pull out my list of buttons to press to get sexy women since I don't know what the words and fancy lettery things are for it
>press the buttons
>Click the "E" "N" "T..." whatever the rest of those letters are for the entah key
>Go to the bathroom while I wait for the search results to load
>Get back
>It's only half loaded
>Pass the remaining time watching the telly to see who the leader of the country is for today
>Finally it finishes
>Click first link on results page
>Go to sleep
>next day
>wake up
>go to the internetty device
>oh boy the sexy wemmen is almost fully loaded!
>can't contain myself
>masturbate before it finishes loading
>Mom walks in
>"user WHY DID YOU USE UP ALL THE INTERNET QUOTA"
>uh oh
>prime minister of the country changed while I was masturbating

Before Australians, I was trying to do the same to Canadians. It turned out that Australians are not only more interesting and fun to talk to, but also much easier triggered. Canadians were dumb, unfunny, cringeworthy, incredibly boring, not polite and not rude, with a taste of an overboiled rice. Fuck the leaf.

I want to dedicate my life to shitposting about Australia. You may post your wojak faces and necked pepes all day long, I have an actual passion and a reason to live.

>When Poland completely obliterates Australia in it's own game
Seriously i can't make this shit up

>go to the bathroom
You fucked it up.

>>go to the bathroom
>You fucked it up.
This, don't you know, dear Amerilard, that Australians are secretly hamsters and bathe in sand outdoors?

You're a weird guy. I like you, but you're a weird guy.

>Australians are secretly hamsters and bathe in sand outdoors
wtf I love pingpole now

I know you're memeing but this is actually true.

Most Australians have bathrooms that are outside. I have a friend in Australia who told me they don't have a bathroom outside any longer, instead their laundry machine is outside in the former bathhouse.

fuck the environment. The sooner you all die of heatstroke the better

Outdoor bathrooms are a thing of the past, a throwback from the depression era. In those days, people had to bathe in outdoor areas beause indoor plumbing was uncommon, but they had to bathe in groups for protection from predatory wildlife.

It's not taken seriously by anyone. Abos would rather sit around and whinge about how it's not called national we hate ourselves day

>Be Polish
>Do hard day's work
>It sucks but it'll all be worth it when you get home to banter some Australians
>Get home
>Turn on the computer device
>No Australians on Sup Forums
>No Australians anywhere
>Where could they be? Must be still asleep right?
>Check news
>"Australian internet finally too slow for Australians to use, millions of Australians stuck at their computer waiting for the page to load, reports of death due to dehydration from stuck users still coming in"
>Have one last laugh at Australian expense then commit suicide as your reason for living is gone

>but they had to bathe in groups for protection from predatory wildlife.

What the fuck

Rude!