What is the Steven Seagal of films?

What is the Steven Seagal of films?

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youtu.be/IId64OJdCKM
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Sniper special ops

Deathproof

Under Siege

Batman vs. Superman

why is he a meme now?

new movie came out recently
did a reddit ama

Snatched hiroshimoot's birthday.

Because he snatches motherfucker birthdays

Those are some sick moves.

>2:50
youtu.be/uKaGvo3JMBk

I don't think it'd be an action movie. Seagal is funny because of how seriously he thinks of himself compared to the clown he rightfully is.

I think it'd be The Room.

>Now
His entire life and career is a meme

knifecenter.com/item/CS88PK/cold-steel-88pk-steven-seagal-signature-katana-33-inch-damascus-blade-lacquered-wood-scabbard

>The Seagal Series

www2.knifecenter.com/kc_new/store_store.html?ttl=Seagal Series&k=Seagal&brand=154&

The best in fedoracore

>Seagal is funny because of how seriously he thinks of himself compared to the clown he rightfully is.
Why does he think he's this unstoppable killing machine?

>This Japanese sword is inspired by an antique original from the collection of Mr. Steven Seagal.

...

He method acted too hard one day and started to believe his own bullshit

Has anyone ever called him out on his bullshit? I know he got choked out and shat himself by some old guy.

10/10 kino
How could I have ever doubted him.

Plenty of people have, he just doesn't give a fuck because he's THAT kid levels of delusion

>Stallone said: ''Steven Seagal said that he, 'Didn't associate with that kind of element' - meaning me. So I slammed him up against a wall. ''At that time, our testosterone was running full bore. He was full of his height [Steven is 6ft 3in, Sylvester is 5ft 10in] and I was full of ... Myself. But we made up. He can be very abstract.''
That may be the best description of Seagal ever "He can be very abstract" ahhh yes, that he can be Sly!
Of course it was at Stallone's house one year that the famous rift between Seagal and Van Damme became apparent as Sly let on a few years back talking to Ain't It Cool News and saying
"But I remember once, at my home in Miami, I believe it was in ’96 or’97, Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini. Who would win? I have to say I believe Van Damme was just too strong and Seagal wanted no part of it. That’s just my opinion."

>that dubbed over "let's rock n roll"

Seagal is a weeaboo, but instead of being into anime and having a waifu, he's into martial arts and eastern mysticism.

fuck, tell me that editing is real

absolutely kino

it's real lad

Fuck. I wish I was at that party.

Is he married? Seems like he would want a qt azn waifu

Yes. 2/4 of them were/are asian.

His first wife's dad ran a dojo, which he ended up running, which he ended up bragging about him being the first white person to run a dojo in Asianland.

Think his wife fakes her orgasms?

Holy shit, source on this?

Asian women don't enjoy sex, so yes. That's why the men are all fucked in the head.

She doesnt have to.

Seagal can make any woman cum within 30 seconds with his katana shaped pringles can of a dick.

...

why do they always make sounds like they are 10 year olds having the best orgasms of their life?

I figured as much.

no, he just beats her until she screams loudly enough

Sometimes their "EEEEEE EEEEE" is a tunr on sometimes it's not. Why don't I ever hear those Jap women with "mature" voices like in those animes? Anyone know what I'm talking about?

...

I have some pretty bad news for you user.

Those mature sexy female voices in you animes hentais are actually male voices. They just breathe in heloum and digitally make the voices sound more fminine.

Because they arent voiced by asians?

I love how they show the cop twice, like he's watching as this goes down in real time

>are you serious? Just fall already

If they don't, it'd be a dishonor to their husbands and they'd be forced to commit seppuku

stupid drakeposter

Nah I don't think so. I remember this singer had a very sexy mature voice. I can't remember her for the life of me.

This doesn't have anything to do with superheros, so please don't post it on this board.

>insults their culture right to Ramzan's face
why is Seagal so based?

Fresh off the meme press.

Seagal tries to impress the asian punani in true weeabo fashion

I dont understand how this guy ever managed to have a movie career to begin with

I'm beginning to think Ken-sama was just Seagals online persona

>aikido blackbelt buddhist convert is a huge weeb
Who knew?

did they all fuck madonna

I'd like to see that video.

HE LOOKS LIKE A TURKISH WARLORD WHO TRAFFICS CHILDREN

...

>tfw that woman in the back looks like a Dalek

This scene is fucking surreal

Seagals boss comes to tell him to do his fucking job and Steven keeps shooting in his direction. The black guy doesnt even care and seems to be completely fine with Seagal shooting at him several times, even though he has a gun in his hand the whole time.

...

> “Little Milton hadn’t heard me play before. I was doing this Lightnin’ Hopkins thing. Milton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”

movie name?

This will never not be hilarious, holy shit

Kill Switch.

It's a complete disaster.

>/k/ goes to gun range

is seagal posting becoming the new bane posting? i'm loving it.

EXPRESSLY GOING AGAINST A MANS DYING WISHES

STAY CLASSY STEVO

> “We were in rehearsals for Executive Decision. I’m playing his Master Sargeant and we come in for rehearsals and he says, ‘I’m in command. Everything I say is law. Anybody doesn’t agree?’ I was like, ‘Bwahahaha.’ I started cracking up because he sounded like a retard and he came up and he Taekwondo’ed my ass against the brick and he hit me with his elbow. He’s six-foot-five and he caught me off guard and knocked all of the air out of me and I was like, ‘Why?! Why?!’ I really wanted to say how big and fat he was and that he runs like a girl, but I didn’t because all I could say was, ‘Why?!’ Why’d he slam me against the wall? We were rehearsing. What’s the bid deal? Why can’t I call him names? If I can’t let it out it’s going to build like a cancer.” - John Leguizamo
potential for a daring synthesis with pestposting here

Same reason why western ones fake orgasms with the OHHHH YEAAAAAAAH UNHHHHHHHHHHH kind of shit.
In older times their sounds in the vids wasn't like that, at least not always. Even today both in 3D and 2D forms you sometimes get realistic voices, but it's rare.

It's memes.

source

>tfw my dad wants to buy a fucking katana
what the fuck do i do the old man is turning insane
i bet he will try to kill some negros with it

Segal is this worlds Mr. Satan.

do the humane thing and snatch his motherfucking birthday

>You're cremated now, motherfucker

What a bad-ass finish line

buy a zweihander and challenge him to a duel

YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK

THE BLOOD BANK

top kek

What sort of bank would that be?

Because a week and a half ago someone posted a Seagal thread, not unlike any of the others that were posted before it, but this one had the 'snatching birthdays' clip and it took off instantly.

The result was a horde of redditors who latched onto it thinking it was the funniest thing ever and wanted their own 300+ reply threads so they started spamming these low effort memes all over Sup Forums.

One day some dipshit is gonna post a Brando thread with some catalyst the turns it into one of these horrible spammed memes.

>i bet he will try to kill some negros with it

He's doing God's work, user.

You mean Dan Hibiki

you're just mad cause your birthday got snatched

Dan is a monkey jokester with no skills who knows a tiny bit of martial arts.
Mr. Satan is a veteran martial artist (which Seagal is), has a distinctive hairstyle (which Seagal has), plays larger than life characters on the screen (which Seagal does), believes himself to be the best and like those characters (which Seagal does to a certain extant, but not entirely, see Lawman) and is full of himself (which Seagal is).

Mr Satan is actually the best martial artist/strongest human in the DBZ Earth that doesn't have powers, though.

Yes, but "best martial artist/strongest human" doesn't exist IRL so that's a moot point.

youtu.be/IId64OJdCKM

anybody here tried his punani juice?

>turning open instead of turning closed
Even /k/ isn't that amateur hour.

Tarantula

Well I'm sorry to hear that

>literally has a brain-leeching fungus in his drink

>that doesn't have powers, though.
what? that's like saying you're the strongest human who can't bench press more than 145 pounds. the reason he doesn't have any powers is cause he's weak. yamcha, tien, krilling, and master rochi are all stronger than him though. and uub is technically human. videl might be stronger too.

...

>embarrassing himself in front of all those women

>Yamcha
>stronger than anybody
Yamcha is DBZ's JUST.

I think Japanese milfs are hot.

Hey, boya~

You know what I mean? they say boy, but with an a at end, in that sultry milf voice

Also boya is actually a native Japanese word.

lmao

easy there fella
EASY

my nigga

Any uhh..links?