"And the winner for the Best Director Oscar goes to... user!"

>"And the winner for the Best Director Oscar goes to... user!"

What do you go up and say?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/O0Q_nyjuEak
youtube.com/watch?v=-cZ7ndjhhps
youtube.com/watch?v=gqpkZ2LPpps
youtube.com/watch?v=PXuJtPQ2lkk
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Amy, I...

T-thanks.

thank you. now i know you hate long speaches...
*leaves*

Thank you.

Y-you too

Remember, don't be nervous user. Just be yourself.

At the same time know that the entire world and the huge audience (including all your favorite celebrities and waifus) is watching you.

"BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, CAMERON!"

I-if I pulled that off would you die?

*crickets*

It w-would be extremely p-painful. You're a big guy. F-for you

I'd like to thank everyone involved in the making of this picture, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. I'd also like to thank the Anons of Sup Forums, this is such a big award for me and I couldn't have finished my master plan without you guys.

>don't be nervous
>the entire world and the huge audience is watching you

How can I be not nervous?

Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

GAS THE KIKES RACE WAR NOW

I'd like to thank the academy, my mom, and Sup Forums.

"Wahhh really!

I'm feeling just as happy as Bateman is when he gets a doubles! Haha, what you don't get that reference! Don't worry, my cool club at home does. We're on the Internet, and we're kind of a secret thing, you wouldn't know about us.

For example, they think I'm a big guy! Haha what I did mean by this! For you! Oops, looks like I'm making a fool of myself. JUST! Just fuck my shit up! Haha! Because I'm crashing this Oscar's night! Get it! Crashing this plane!

And with this Oscar, do I get I Harrenhall I supposh xD!"


Tell me honestly you faggots wouldn't do this.

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!

I keep it classy

youtu.be/O0Q_nyjuEak

"Gas the kikes, race war now"

lol never heard that one before

Amy..I'm a big fan. To stand here next to you... it's all I have ever wanted. Thank you.

KILL

ALLL

WHITES

Can you imagine if some autist from Sup Forums won it and gave a speech like this

The shitposting would be unreal

>throws oscar
HE DIDN'T FLY SO GOOD

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

"When you get to the point where I am uh you don't get to bring friends, in the beginning all I had was a flight plan that listed me, my men, my script but only one of the cast"

...

checked

"I'd like to start off this speech by saying that I think Coolsville sucks."

Does anyone have a bigger version of this image?

J*sus Chr*st.

Go suck a dick, dumb shits

Shoutout to Reddit!

Zack Snyder is the greatest working director in our midst today. I dedicate this momentous occasion to him.

That's a big honor.

3, 5, 0, 1, 2, 5, Go!

I was there in the back stage,
When first light came around.
I grew up like a changeling,
To win the first time around.
I can see all the weakness.
I can pick all the faults.
Well I concede all the faith tests,
Just to stick in your throats.

31G, 31G, 31G

I hung around in your soundtrack,
To mirror all that you've done,
To find the right side of reason,
To kill the three lies for one,
I can see all the cold facts.
I can see through your eyes.
All this talk made no contact.
No matter how hard we tried.

31G, 31G, 31G

I can still hear the footsteps.
I can see only walls.
I slid into your man-traps,
With no hearing at all.
I just see contradiction,
Had to give up the fight,
Just to live in the past tense,
To make believe you were right.

31G, 31G, 31G

3, 5, 0, 1, 2, 5

...

I'm a big guy, for Aidan Gillen who made this possible

"A nigger, a Jew and a grossly-obese Mexican walk into a gay bar. They approach a fat, cum-gargling faggot with a 2-inch-long, always flaccid penis using an Apple product at a table. "You wanna come back to our place?" the nigger asks the faggot. "You can toss my Mexican friend's rancid herpes-and-shit-covered salad and jerk my Jewish friend's wart-and-pimple covered penis while I ram my giant unlubed nigger-cock into your gaping oft-fucked asshole." 'Oh, literally nothing in the world would make me happier!' says the faggot. 'But first i need to accept this Oscar for Best Director. It will just take a moment.'"

I'd like to thank my fellow Oscar winners tonight, Brendan Fraser and Drake Bell, for their incredible performance and professionalism in my film. My Wife's Son was a true honor to work on and direct, and hopefully it can help to improve race relations and reduce the privilege that white men like myself are used to. Thank you, and black lives matter.

>"S-so who is this guy Oscar, anyway...?"
>*crickets*
>"..."
>hold up statue and point at it
>"He's NOT a big g"
>*music starts playing*

...

So hot...

Autistically propose to Eva Green on stage

...

>youtube.com/watch?v=-cZ7ndjhhps
Just sing this instead of saying speech.

>Eva w-will you be my wife
>by the way I'm a virgin

>>>/9gag/

>gets up once name is called.

"Hello. I'd just like to say that this award means nothing to me and shouldn't mean jack shit to you. The reason I made this movie was to entertain people who love cinema, not a bunch of old jews who actually decide who gets this paperweight. I'm not the best director, I just directed a good film. Never nominate me or my wife's son ever again"

I'd like to take this moment to remember the holocaust and how many jews supposedly died... Speaking of which don't you think it's odd that the figure is 6 million? It does seem a bit excessive when you realise that those ovens in Auschwitz could only hold one at a time and would take an hour at least to completely cremate a christ kill-uhh I mean good natured jew.

Fucking normies

Before the show, I would prepare an eight foot long piece of paper with random names from top to bottom.
I'd then roll it up and put in in my coat pocket.
When my name is called I walk up on stage, pull out the rolled up paper, and let it unroll as it falls to the floor.
Begin reading the names.
Read as many names as possible before they actually bring me off the stage.

Just to see how long they actually let you stay up there for.

I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about the crisis going on in Europe. Unchecked immigration and forced resettlement of culturally backward and violent refugees has led to rapes, violence and even death. The world's commitment to helping the people of Syria is NOT a suicide pact for our own way of life. The time has come to stand up and make ourselves heard. Thank you.

>Never nominate me or my wife's son ever again"

I would be a tryhard contrarian and I wouldn't show up to the ceremony.

Can you imagine if someone actually said something like this

You got me
youtube.com/watch?v=gqpkZ2LPpps

Quiero agradecerle a mi país y a toda mi familia. Aprovecho esta oportunidad para hablar de la situación de los hispanos en los Estados Unidos y especialmente de las mujeres hispanas, quienes deben enfrentar tanto racismo como misoginia. Algunos dicen que quieren hacer grande esta nación, yo les digo que nosotros somos una parte fundamental de ella. Digámosle basta al odio racista y a la opresión que sufren los inmigrantes, todos aquí somos inmigrantes o hijos de inmigrantes.

Señor Trump, puede usted besarme el culo. ¡Viva la raza!

Alejandro pls

>¡Viva la raza!
What's the name of that retarded mexican comedian who keeps yelling this out at his "comedy" shows and how mexicans rule shit?

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

BUILD THE FUCKING WALL YOU STUPID SPIC

Pssht no thanks.
Nothing personnel kids.
*teleports out of the theatre*

No bueno.

I wonder how big the fallout would be if someone would actually do that

Who gave this faggot a green card?

Don't know this comedian but a wrestler called Eddie Guerrero from WWE used to say that.

The same idiots who gave him an Oscar, apparently.

I'm calling my guy right now, and I tell you, I have the best guys, this is the best guy, if he weren't available I would have
>spreads arms
fifty, one hundred, maybe more, I don't know, I would have so many who could do the job, and they could do the job very well. Very well.
>everyone cheers and claps
>walk around a bit
>give a couple thumbs ups
And who's going to pay for it?

You would have to have such massive balls, plus it would be career suicide. So I doubt it would happen

Eddie Guerrero

This is a great award.
And for that reason Im out.

His name is gomez or lopez or something.

MSXICO

>people will unironically vote for this Oompa loompa faggot

>HOLLYWOOD IS A CESSPOOL OF DEGENERATE PEDOS. FREE MY NIGGA MEL

competition

id go on for a really long time then when the music starts pull an Anchorman

IM STILL TALKING
youtube.com/watch?v=PXuJtPQ2lkk

Of course they will, he's going to be one of the best presidents the US, no, the world, has ever seen.

>>>/tumblr/

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm CIA.

And I assume the powerstance until they play me off.

kinda weird so many of u watched this jumanji remake
thanks anyway

>if you don't like trump you're a blue haired SJW Bernout

Trump's just a retard, plain and simple.

soo he's a poltiician

thanks folks i'll be here all week
tip yr bartender, give em a nice tip

"You mindless mother fuckers continue to consume marxist propaganda manufactured by corporate jews while I have reaped all the benefits. You Americans will sit and clap at home at this parade of Jews as your culture slowly devolves, you will get fatter and your sons will be blacker, and your only means of escape will be these films, these films that pedal lies and sell a disguised utopia that will be the end of modern civilization.

You are balless, you are disgusting and you have no sympathy because this is the sorrow that you have reaped."

> this is the 10th award tonight for 12 Years a wife's son

I'd rather have a meme master who still shitposts on twitter even when he becomes president than some wallstreet insider

>Audience, I'm CIA
>I wasn't allowed to bring my friends
>Although they are not my friend, but people who work for the mercenary, the "masked man"
>Bane
>(audience gasps)

I'd like to thank everyone who worked on this film, from [Lead Actor] to [Supporting Actress] and everyone on set. I'd like to thank my family and friends for supporting me all these years. Thank you.

Cuck

>a skit follows, starring Aiden Gillen and Tom Hardy reenacting the plane scene

>Guys, Golden Globes are making fun of us again

>"I would like to first and foremost thank Hitler..."

>Thank you, I deserve this.

Nothing beats a Futurama quote.

>Jonah Hill gives you the award
>"and you've got the globes too"

You're a fucking retard. Good thing you're not old enough to vote

I'd like to thank my lead actress, Ellen Page. Is there anything that woman can't do?

Underrated post.

>Good thing you're not old enough to vote
That's the bernvictims you're thinking of

Who the fuck are most of these people? How much do they pay to be there?

>I'd like to thank my waifu, why is she so perfect lads?

***someone from the croud rises his voice***
>ACT

11/10