Penis inspection device at movie theater

>Go to movie theater
>Since they have a no singles policy they told me that I would have to go away or go in wearing a penis monitor.
>I have to wear the penis monitor.
Pic related. Also on the left is a famous person who had to wear one.

Get this fucking reddit-tier meme shit off my board and kill yourself.

>A boo hoo stop distracting people from my GOT general.

>go to movie theater
>gf asks me to lay some sugar on her
>I pull out my portable spice and sugar rack and dump it all over her
>she starts crying

Good thing I had my muzzle

Why can't women fully appreciate a well constructed spice rack?

>go to a special free screening of the new got episode
>after I pay the $25 cover charge I find out there is a no singles policy
>a qt 3.14 offers to go in with me if i pay for her
>pay her cover charge and buy her a bucket of crab legs
>she gives the crab legs to her bf and leaves me outside of the theater
>i wasnt able to watch the episode
>mfw

Dubs

nope

Here

I don't understand, why would a theater want to monitor your dong?

>and buy her a bucket of crab legs
Oh you Americans

>go to the movie theater
>spend $50+ dollars on crab legs, soda, and a propeller hat
>go to my seat and suddenly the virgn alarm goes off
>oh shit not again
>security guards tackle me to the ground and explain there's a no singles policy while they hock a loogie in my face
>because I didn't obey the policy my items are non refundable
>can't even keep the propeller hat because it's only for couples

>tfw you forget to wear shower shoes when you use the cinema showers.

I got a nasty rash. Never again.

My local theater makes you rent out shower shoes like when you go bowling. I literally can't go to the movies anymore because I can't get the right sized shoes for the mandatory pre movie shower.

>go to movie theather with the gf
>It's that time of the month, so she won't shut up until we're seated, people looking at us as we make our way toward our theater
>I beg her to stop, but she soon starts again
>Even when we're seated she has to complain about everything, from the previews to how my shoulder is too hard or something
>Some jock tells her to shut the fuck, which only makes her scream more
>We get kicked out
>She flies away, never see her again

Fucking women

>use movie theater shower.
>run out of coins
>it starts using ice cold free water.
>they didn't know I brought my own sweater.

>not attaching her to a ball-and-chain
That's why they call wives and girlfriends "the ol' ball-and-chain" ya dingus, so they can't fly away

>He didn't anchor his woman.
They even give you free anchors if you bring your chain from home.

Sounds like your gf was really a falcon, lad

>going to a 18+ scalie early premier of finding dory
>forget to wear my own diaper from home
>have to wear one of the theater provided ones
>diaper is thin and can't hold in all my pee, end up leaking onto the floor
>some pee gets on the transgirl next to me, she starts to cry
>usher pulls me out into the aisle and takes me to the manager's office
>I get spanked by the manager and put into timeout or the rest of the day


thanks obama

>propeller hat

Lost

loser

>not having qt falcon gf

>Go to see latest Marvel Capekino
>spend $175 on my ticket (+single person fee), bag of scallops, and a bucket of caviar
>get to ticket ripper
>"here you go, that'll be a $5 charge for ticket ripping"
>laugh because I assume he was joking
>go in anyway without paying
>he calls the guards on me
>they drag me out kicking and screaming
>they dump my caviar on me after they throw me to the pavement

In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure they use penis monitors in child rapist prisons to test if you are attracted to children or something.

They do, I saw it in that one Louis Theroux documentary

I seen that video, it seems stupid to put children in suits and erotic clothing and have them in poses to try and arouse people.

Men are aroused by suggestive clothing and poses, it's literally built into your DNA, it's even built into the DNA of women. Women wear less clothing when they are most fertile. granted of course it's not the case with children, but if you dress a child like a whore and expect some average joe to not be sexually confused is silly.

Now if they had just showed average pics of say a girl at the beach in a bikini, just standing there with family,nothing suggestive or wearing regular clothing and they still test positive, THEN that should be marked as a true positive.

Speaking of which not to defend pedos but this is literally thought police in action. Asking pedos to not be attracted to children will be laughably hard especially with things like the internet that can literally sexualize ANYTHING.

sup pedo

>implying this doesnt turn you on

>be American
>go on a trip to Finland
>one night, decide to go to a local cinema and watch a movie
>go into the changing room to undress for the shower
>suddenly a few girls come in
>I still had my boxers on so it's ok
>ask them if I'm in the wrong changing room or what
>they explain to me that Finnish cinemas have mixed showers
>mfw
>get nervous, so I hastily took my boxers off and sprinted into the shower while the girls were undressing
>it's theater policy to properly wash all your orifices with soap, but I just rinse myself off with water and leave, hope the theater staff won't notice
>take a seat in the viewing hall
>film starts
>it's in Finnish
Waste of €7 tbqh

>go to theater to watch Zootopia
>forgot what the writing prompt was they gave me when I buy my ticket
>later in my seat
>staff member is going along the isles collecting everyones papers
>quickly jot down something about why talking in the theater hurts movie sales and hand in my paper
>2 weeks later and I've forgotten all about this
>50$ fine comes in the mail
Man, Canada fucking sucks.

>go to cinema alone
>feet and armpits get all sweaty
>can't bare to look the stub collector in the eye
>tell him all my friends are already inside
>make my way to my seat
>nothing but row after row after row of happy, attractive couples
>squeeze past a line of cute teenagers
>can hear them whisper to each other, probably about me
>trip over one of their legs
>smack my head on an armrest
>soda and popcorn goes everywhere
>basically full on crying at this stage
>eventually get to my seat
>can feel everyone staring at me
>distinctly hear someone say "how pathetic"
>pit in my stomach plummets
>I'm about to throw up due to embarrassment
>feel a sharp jolt
>I'm lying in bed
>it was all a bad dream
>roll over and spoon my girlfriend
>she reaches around and gives my raging member a playful squeeze

Anyone else know this feel?

hot pocket man keeps this garbage afloat while all meme lover threads get deleted


fuck off

One of the best uses of penile turgidity measurements was in this paper.

It proves that homophobes are faggots.

Reddit tier humour, knew you'd appreciate it

>Anyone else know this feel?
sort of. my gf had a bad dream too and woke up in a panic. so i rolled over and gave her raging hardon a squeeze to calm her down

...

Hey you, shut the fuck!

>not Ladyhawke

>go to the movie theater
>the cute penis inspector is working tonight
>get to inspect his penis later

>changes in penile circumference were measured
Good lord, it exists!

Sauce me the video