ITT: We write Seinfeld

ITT: We write Seinfeld

>Random Woman: I didn't know you were a dabbler
>George: Oh yeah, big dabbler. HUGE dabbler. My father was a dabbler, his father was a dabbler -- it runs in the family.

Other urls found in this thread:

drive.google.com/file/d/0B50l484pDaMobXI2Wk5CX0NMbkU/view
sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?p=5151794#post5151794#ixzz4GL5UHRzv
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

drive.google.com/file/d/0B50l484pDaMobXI2Wk5CX0NMbkU/view

What does Sup Forums think of my script?

>Kramer enters
>Cue laugh track
>So what's the deal with all these Cubans?

>george looks at the camera and shrugs

>I'M ELAINE BENES. I'M THE GIRL ONE. BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP.

>She had a feminine penis…the penis of a man. It’s like a creature out of Greek Mythology, I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast

>it's an "Elaine finds loli hentai on her new boyfriend's phone" episode
Could you imagine how well Seinfeld could fit in the modern day? I wish that Modern Seinfeld Twitter was still active.

>Bazinga

> "You remember my crazy friend Mo Atta?"

God dammit dude, should I even keep reading?

...

What the fuck am I reading

Hey Jerry, wanna catch pokemon?

>I could’ve been in Hell by now!
keked

>Jackie: "my apologies, gentlemen. now, you say you carried out certain services for the United States Government?"
>THE TWO SAUDI SHEIKS SITTING ACROSS FROM JACKIE NOD

This is gold, Jerry

>It's a Jerry stumbles across unsavory browsing history on his girlfriend's computer episode
>It's a George tries looking successful by using a bluetooth phone in public but the woman he likes thinks he's crazily talking to himself episode
>It's a Kramer starts a Pokemon Go business where he hunts pokemon for other people episode
>It's an Elaine thinks Tinder is a friend-making app and accidentally becomes "friends" with a lesbian episode

Holy shit

>moms4sodainpublicschools
I think you may actually be a little autistic, but this is high quality regardless. I love Seinfeld and this is quite entertaining.

...

Kramer: Jerry. My pension came today.
Jerry: Well, I know.
Kramer: Jerry, the money came cold hard cash.
Jerry: Hmmmmm. Yes, yes.
Kramer: Am disability
(George enters with a bucket of meatballs)
George: I really did it this time
Jerry: Hmmmmm
George: I knocked on Greggy's door (Greggy is George)
Kramer: What did he do
George: he stole the bucket of balls
Jerry and Kramer: Hmmmmmm
George: I knock on Greggy door
All: Hmmmmmmm

Why did this make me laugh?

Just so all you guys know, this isn't OC at all.
Look up "seinfeld 9/11" on Google or what have you, it's written by a professional writer.

Just finished reading it all. It's really good but the subject matter is too sensitive, I doubt it could ever have been made. Lots of really good jokes and I could actually believe the characters actions.

That was actually the imtention of the script. It's a newer one too, just a one-off spec script by an old Onion writer that's more of a "what-if?" kind of thing.

kek that's pretty choice actually

>Eventually I told him, “Why don’t you do something about it?” I thought he’d write to his Congressman!

My fucking sides

All A+ episodes

>"you better believe it! I'm getting that box-cutter replaced!"

oh my fucking god I'm dying here 11/10

George tries out online dating, ends up getting recruited by isis

Elaines new boyfriend is perfect in every way except he is a Trump supporter.

Kek, my brother showed me this yesterday and he doesnt even browse Sup Forums. Must have been on The Other Site.

i knew the guys who wrote Seinfeld stories on Twitter, this is fucking gold

>a burst of white powder covers his face

Not your script, I saw that on Reddit today too.

oh cool, youre into cuckolding too??

J: George, what's this?
HOLDS FLESHLIGHT
G: It's supposed to be a flashlight, but the idiots at Amazon messed up my order.
J: Sure they did, big guy.
G: For you, for you to even suggest that I...I...Screw you, Jerry.
J: Oh, it looks like you'll be screwing something alright, but it won't be me.
G: Into the oven, kike.
KRAMER BURSTS IN AND LOOKS AT JERRY
K: Heeb.
KRAMER EXISTS

kek

Anyone got the comic of them playing the board game?

>J: Sure they did, big guy.
>G: For you, for you to even suggest that I..

>Why are they always flaming?

In which Kramer goes to an all black club.

>Jerry is out on a date with a vaguely attractive (for 1996) woman
>classy restaurant
>the woman mispronounces "foie gras" when she orders it, and then several more times while describing how good it is
>Jerry makes a disgusted face when she looks away
>SKEEEDOW BOP BOPPI-DOW BOW
>Later, in his apartment with George, Jerry is mid-conversation about the incident
>Jerry: "I mean, if you're gonna make such a big deal about the foie gras, you should at least know how to say foie gras"
>George: "When you're right, you're right Jerry."
>Elaine buzzes at the intercom
>Jerry lets her in
>the word "foie gras" is said at least eight more more times
>SPOO-POW SKIP LAPPIDY ZOW
>Jerry is dumped by the woman before he can dump her because it turns out he's been mispronouncing her first name the whole time
>BA BA BAPPITY BAAAA

Phenomenal

You did it user, you did it.

This is absolutely golden user, youve captured the spirit of the show. You should pursue writing. Its the only good user made thing ive ever read here or on lit.

Seinfeld - Get Em Goin

JERRY walks into a bar and takes a seat next to an OLD MAN

Jerry
I need this

Jerry points to the man's left shoe before pulling it off while the old man watches on confused.

Jerry
I need to make a spaghetti western.

The old man, as if on cue, stands up and turns around so his back is facing Jerry. Jerry points at his watch.

Jerry
I set a time. Barkeep! Oh, barkeep!

The tender makes his way over.

Bartender
What will it be

Jerry
I need to make a spaghetti western

The bartender looks down to his own shoes and smiles as wide as his mouth will allow him

Kramer enters dressed as Harambe.

Kramer
Jerry, sketti western

Jerry
Sked west

please stop this

Why are people still crediting an user with writing this when it's already been established it didn't come from Sup Forums at all
come on you dweebs

Seinfeld - A Little Trip

INT. WAITING ROOM, DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Jerry sits in a crowded waiting room next to George. He leans over to see what the woman next to him is reading. She's reading an article about him.

George hovers above his chair.

JERRY
That writing is about me.

WOMAN
I know, I know.

JERRY
I'm a celebrity.

WOMAN
No you're just a boy.

Jerry winces, the comment causing him physical pain.

The doctors assistant comes out and calls his name.

ASSISTANT
Seinfeld? Jerry Seinfeld?

As he gets up to head back, she keeps going.

ASSISTANT
Seinfeld? Little Jerry, the little teeny boy?

JERRY
(horrified)
Huh?

ASSISTANT
Little little little little little Jerry

Jerry drops to his knees and trembles. He looks to the ceiling to see George dressed up in a nice little suit.

>G: I'm on this tinder thing now jerry, you heard about this?
>J: yeah yeah i heard about, ahhh online dating is online dating, its. .its, not for me
>G: well you just have a look at theese women im matching with here
jerry comes over and inspects gerorges phone
>J: wow you werent lying there georgey boy, this is a nice looking women
jerry crooks his head to the side and points to the screen
>J:aaaaand who might this be?
george trying to look confused
>G:who?
>J:who? the time traveller in your photo thats who, how old are you claiming you are with this picture you got here?
>G:hey.. everybody does it ok,
>J: and how are you gonna explain the sudden departure of your.. hair
jerry pats gerorges head
george shuffles about uncomfotably, then exclaims
>G: I'm bringing it back..
>J: your not...
george responds definantly
>G: i am..
Elaine previously unseen yells out from the toillete
>E: Hes not!!!
george pulls a toupee from a bag he'd been clutching
>G: its back baby!

These don't make any sense. Is this a new meme?

This needs more (you)'s

>Kramer slides in
>Kramer: Hey Jerry!
>laugh track for 15 minutes
>play outro music

>it's a George is fatshamed and befriends tumblr posters episode
>he ruins it when he loses his shit at a black man cutting to the front of the line
>tumblrs jog after George, also jogging, cue credits

>side story is Kramer and Elaine mistake a furry meet up for a dress up party

>george and elaine finally tell jerry he's not funny

LE QUIRKY 90'S SHOW MY LE PARENTS LE WATCHED BEFORE I WAS LE BORN LE UPBOAT XDDD

LE BORN IN LE RONG DECADE XDDD

u wut

i saw this on here yesterday, but i read it again and still can't get over how much it reads like actual seinfeld when i hear their voices

>drive.google.com/file/d/0B50l484pDaMobXI2Wk5CX0NMbkU/view
broken link.

>bragging about being underage
ok

Subarashii

>G: Into the oven, kike.

>>It's a George tries looking successful by using a bluetooth phone in public but the woman he likes thinks he's crazily talking to himself episode

heh

Not YOUR script faggot. You didn't write it.

Comedian Billy Domineau imagined a world in which the show kept airing and Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer acted like the entitled, selfish, near-sociopathic New Yorkers that they always were during one of the most trying and intense times in the city’s history. It also includes Newman, George’s parents, Uncle Leo, Jackie Chiles, Mr. Wilhelm, and George Steinbrenner. Reading the resulting pitch-black script, it’s impossible to not picture it perfectly.

For those who want to read it go here:

sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?p=5151794#post5151794#ixzz4GL5UHRzv

JERY GET IPAD

I used to write a lot of seinfeld for /r9k/

"The Brony"

"The NEET"

"The Femanazi"

"The Manlet"

"Come here.

GEORGE LEANS IN. JERRY RUNS HIS HANDS OVER GEORGE’S HEAD AND

LOOKS CLOSELY.

GEORGE

What?

JERRY

There’s gotta be a hole or a flap

where you soul escaped. If we find it,

we can seal it while there’s still

something left."

FUCK

Didnt they have to get rid of the studio audience because they laughed so hard at Kramer?

From Sup Forums

>bosses shoes
do they not teach grammar where you're from?

What do they teach you about being a fag?

>spends his time on /r9k/ and can't even use "boss's" correctly
>calls others fags
alright bud

>Jerry gets a new GF who objects to him watching porn
>Jerry continues to secretly watch porn
>Finds out his GF is an ex porn star
>Elaine says Jerry should confront her, George says Jerry should keep it to himself
>Kramer and Newman start a new diet where they only eat miniature foods

>Kramer and Newman start a new diet where they only eat miniature foods

kek

Jerry: I'm hot for men and I'm hot to trot

Kramer runs in hog wild and straps his fat fucking ass to Jerry's big fridge

Kramer: oh my god I'm here to cool the off, you fool!
Jerry: Kramer what do you think about me
Kramer: Pretty normal for a cripple

I kek'ed

...

shit wrong reply

>studio audience
>"laugh track"
idiot

THEY WERE NIGGERS JERRY!
NIGGERS!

>attractive (for 1996)
What did he mean by this?

Massive fucking tits, slender body, long, blonde hair and blue eyes

That sounds attractive for 2016 too.

>It's script writing in the vein of Seinfeld. An old show that was likely before your time. It's pretty good. You should check it out some time.

>Kramer: You remember my crazy friend Mo Atta?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HELP ME MY SIDES

>>It's a Jerry stumbles across unsavory browsing history on his girlfriend's computer episode
Modern Seinfeld did it better with:
>Jerry becomes gravely concerned when his new girlfriends WIFI automatically connects in Newmans apartment

who are you quoting?

yeah but also that ugly frizzy 90s hair.

WHAT IF SINFELD STILL ON TV
JERY GET IPAD
kRAMER POPS A MOLLY

>drive.google.com/file/d/0B50l484pDaMobXI2Wk5CX0NMbkU/view

falls apart at the end, but otherwise it had great jokes.

>Your Cousin Jeffrey was a hero in Central Park! He tackled a Halal vendor operating without a license.

>falls apart at the end
Par for the course.

There were already molly popping plotlines in the original.

THIS IS GREAT

amazing

I'm pretty sure I've seen this episode

Lost my shit at the part where Jerry gets mistaken for a terrorist because of his homemade dust protection

Poor bait

Right after 9/11

>Jerry develops a paranoia about dust

>Elaine tries to break up with a survivor she's seeing

>George masquerades as a first responder

>Kramer discovers his friend was one of the terrorists behind the attacks.