Times you thought you were going to die

Times you thought you were going to die.

>be me, walking home from friends house at 3am
>walking straight though town center, completely deserted
> tall, skinny chav appears from around corner.
>his off his tits on acid or something
>slurs out "you got any money, mate?"
>"nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
>he pulls out a big fuck off knife
>"come on, mate, gimmie your wallet"
>corners me in a shop entrance
>welp.jpg
>hand over my wallet
>he takes out my cash and gives it back to me
>he sees the outline of my phone in my pocket
>"give us your phone"
>i try to reason with him, i explain i broke af, i even try begging.
>he pokes me with the knife and says "you wanna get cut"
>nope
>he takes the phone and wanders off into the night, tells me he will track me down and kill me if i go to the police
>dont have a landline and he had my phone so i couldn't even call the police when i got home

i still have panic attacks whenever i see someone who looks even vaguely like him

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=XGlTS8aMBxM
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

The real question here is why do UK people talk like this?

"give US your phone"

>us

When they are one person? Do brits/UK folk have some kinda mental illness that they think they're more than one person?

why do Americans say "yall" when they are talking to one person

We don't. Go clean your teeth FUCKING island nigger

Wow you sound like a pussy

youtube.com/watch?v=XGlTS8aMBxM

a Mexican stood behind me in a kmart bathroom urinal once, it was near Christmas time I figured he was going to rob me I had one hand on my gun and had holster unsnapped but he left

I remember when I was a teenager I used to get cans of gas used to refill lighters and spray it into my mouth and breath it in to get high. I was in my room doing my thing one night and the veins in my arms seems to have tiny lumps in them, and i thought I had some kind of clot and I was going to die. Turns out i didn't.

...

Dope source material dude, really well cited and researched

It's true, we have some of the best dental hygiene in the world, we just don't use whitening products like in the US so our teeth don't glow in the dark like yours.

the fuck kind of insult is that?

>HAHA YOU LIVE ON AN ISLAND

also nice addition of the word "nigger", how erect are you right now from the rush of saying "nigger" on Sup Forums.

Off yourself, fatty.

don't lie...jizz is a whitening agent

>be on first whitewater rafting trip in taos, new mexico
>class 4 rapids in several spots
>get stuck before a very steep drop in a part of the river where several people have died before
>have to get out of the boat and cling to a very mossy rock
>i was on the edge closest to the fall and slipped once
>managed to grab the guy next to me's hand and not go over

i was pretty convinced I was going to die and the guide said that was the closest he's ever been to having a serious emergency. It was all because the girl on the right side didn't paddle hard enough to avoid the rock we got stuck on. I'd do it again though, it was fun as hell.

Good one.

>be me
>be at Kotei (Legend of the Five Rings tournament)
>the shop has huge as fuck windows, facing the sun most of the day
>the shop is packed with nerds
>it's midsummer, hot as fuck
>some contractors are removing one of the 8' windows to put in an AC unit
>they're down a guy, so they ask for help while they remove on of the windows
>i volunteer
>they put me on a ladder with a huge suction cup stuck to the window, to help steady it
>start removing the window
>they didn't cut away enough of the frame
>the window bows, cracks straight across
>ohfuck.jpg
>they try to take it out in two pieces
>the top piece comes down like a guillotine on one of the guy's arms, ans about 2 inches from me
>the dude is still holding it up as its cutting into his arms
>they tell everyone to let go and jump away on the count of 3
>I'm on a ladder
>jump anyway
>window comes crashing down
>guillotine.gif
>land on a table, glass shards pepper me in the back
>ambulance is called for the guy that caught it
>"hey user, you alright?"
>I'm fine, except for a few shards of glass in my back
>"so, you're not on our payroll, and we could be liable for you when the paramedics arrive"
>good point
>be a bro and hide in the back until the medics leave
>only came in 12th place in the Kotei

>Not carrying
>Not carrying an improvised weapon at the very least
>Not booking it as soon as he tries to talk to you
>Not willing to look like a sperg for the contents of your own wallet

This, i've been chased a few times. You just run like fuck and they never chase you. It's better than losing what's in your pockets.

My dad got really drunk and thought it would be funny to swerve at cars while driving. Luckily they all swerved away.....

that's not being a "bro", it's being a fucking idiot. I guarantee they were laughing at you after they left and got away with their fuckup. You're lucky you didn't get any serious infections or anything. Next time never admit liability or tell someone else "nah it's cool bro". It's not worth going into crippling medical debt just so you can say you were a "bro".

one time when I was extremely drunk and lost I got surrounded by like 5 niggers and they said they would call me a cab if I gave them 40 bucks. I did and they told me to sit on a bench and wait. One of them came back and said "actually we need 80". I got up and bolted and they caught up with me and dragged me to an ATM and made me give them 200.

To their credit they did call me a cab home after though.

You and your fellow citizens have no right to correct this anonymous person on their grammar. Please kill yourselves.

Black people are pretty fast to be fair.

Being le 12 years old

Sure is summer in here

and in my defense my BAC was like 0.26 when I got home an hour later so the distance I ran that felt like 2 miles was probably more like 2 blocks

>not carrying
i assume you mean a gun so its no for that as im british

>not carrying an improvised weapon at the very least
local pub frisks for weapons on entrance "was a barfight a few days earlier which ended up in someone losing an arm, so no.

>Not booking it as soon as he tries to talk to you
i was fat and drunk...

>not willing to look like a sperg for the contents of your own wallet
tried to play dumb but he was fucked, even after he looked though my wallet and was holding it he said "gimmie your wallet"

When I was a kid there used to be open swim night every Friday at a local high school.
>> Be about 14, having fun at the pool.
>> Didn't have many friends, so often times hung out by myself and swam laps, strong swimmer.
>> Lived in an area where niggertopia wasnt too far away, so they came to 'swim' sometimes.
>> The stereotype of niggers cant swim is 100% accurate, plus they're loud and obnoxious so I stay in the deep end.
>> Niglets circle around the fucking deep end like monkey shark hybrids, but I am protected by the blessed deep.
>> One brave niglet decides to risk it all for the lulz and jumps in the deep end.
>> Immediate panic and drowning commences. Death screeching abounds and the rest of his troupe hoots in dismay.
>> He somehow lunges at me and puts his lanky monkey arms around my neck and legs around my stomach in an instinctual monkey death roll technique.
>> Instead we both sink to the bottom of the deep end of the pool like a giant stramy monkey log.
>> had to literally walk up the slope in the deep end of the pool for what seemed like eternity while being strangulated by this niggers kung fu panic grip.

I barely made it without passing out. All I could think of the entire time was how shitty a death that would be and how fucking useless niglets are.

also bonus add-on to the story where I didn't necessarily think I was going to die, but probably should have: the next morning I called the police to report it and was still extremely hungover. The lady who was obviously black asked me to describe them and I started trying to and got frustrated trying to remember and said "I don't know, they were a pack of niggers, you know the type"

that got me a pretty stern lecture and as you might expect, they didn't do shit to help me after that and told me not to call about it again.

guess Sup Forums took this one over

inb4 cant greentext ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you right

>be me
>be at a club with some friends
>decide to go outside to smoke a joint
>light up
>random dude comes and sits down next to us
>can't walk straight and talks weird so we both assume he's drunk af
>kek internally
>he talks random bullcrap about his life
>we just want to finish our joint and leave
>"yo i just snorted up soo much fucking coke"
>lolwhut.png
>drunk snorted so much he cant even walk
>look at friend and we both got that "lets leave" look
>"i have a fucking knife with me and im gonna go in there and kill like 10 people" while pointing at the club
>look at friend again with "we have to fucking leave" look
>some random guy comes around who knows the coke guy and starts talking to him
>we just walk away
>dude prolly saved our and other ppls lives

>hiking in desert
>boulder fell on arm in a canyon
>started going crazy after few days
>cut hand off with letherman

this isn't the "post the plot of the movie you just watched" thread faggot

good movie/story though

That was based on a true story, how do you know this isn't the real guy posting here? You should really think about what you post before you post it.

because he's probably rich and has a wife and several other reasons he wouldn't be on Sup Forums

Pools closed

Rule number 1 : Women don't marry men who cut their own arms off.

Rule number 2 : People don't give money to people with one arm missing.

i haven't seen the movie in a while but doesn't have have a couple kids now with a wife? I swear it was in the epilogue. And he definitely got a sweet paycheck for that movie and all the morning show appearances.

Don't be ashamed bro, most people would have done the same they're just acting jonny big sack at their keyboards.

Having a gun on you could have either killed him or had him kill you.

You ended up losing a wallet and a phone instead of your life.

Side note, you should have screeched like a piggy and a neighbour might have come out

Yeah I think he did, and he kept hiking and things. I think he climbed Everest or something.

Sounds like this island johnny is salty as the sea

Toothpaste is killing your teeth ever soo slowly. I havnt used toothpaste in over a year. My teeth are actually healthier.

Bong here too, I carry a swiss knife since it's perfectly legal as long as the blade is no bigger than 3.5" or something last I checked.
If it is roughly the width of your palm you're fine.

I thought about making an improvised tiny single charge taser because that's a grey area.

I start speaking another language when people I don't want to speak to try to talk to me. Works pretty well and the chavs have some great reactions.
>mfw watching foreign cartoons as a kid gave me excellent social and antisocial skills simultaneously

My time to shine, boys. We'll start from younger me to older me.

>Be 7 year old me walking near pool.
>Accidentally slip in to the deep end somehow. Probably being retarded.
>Am drowning and simultaneously trying to scream for help and stay alfoat.
>Neighbor hears and dives in to save me almost when I'd given up.
>Had ice cream later.

>Be 12 year old me. Be playing in woods with a friend.
>It's hunting season and we were warned about hunters. Whatevs.jpg.
>Accidentally wander on to private property unknowingly playing our faggy game.
>Bark on the tree next to my head explodes. Followed by a crack a few seconds later.
>ohshit_ohshit.webm
>Drop to the ground about to piss myself and scream for my friend.
>After a few minutes, I got up and ran home. Come to find later that the red neck neighbor took a shot at what he thought was a turkey. Uh huh. Sure.

Cont'd

Oh look.
A twat

In a cave walking around with friends. Apparently well known 100 ft pitfall i didnt know about. It wasnt blocked off and no watning signs. It was dark obviously. I was walking straight for the pitfall literally a step away from death when my friend screamed for bloody murder, my name. My instant reaction was to freeze. He told me about the pit. Fuck i could have died that day. Be careful if you go fucking around in caves.

>I'm a lifeguard
>One afternoon working the last shift
>10 mins and it's done
>Drunk FAT guy goes in the ocean
>He enters right thru a rip current
>I start whistling like a motherfucker
>Guy from post on my right sees him and does the same
>Drunk faggot can't listen
>Rip current takes him by surprise and drags him 100m inside
>We swim and get to him
>Guy is fucking drownin and fat as hell
>Worst rip current i've ever swam in
>Becomes impossible to drag the guy out of there as he's loosing consciousnes.
>20 mins fighting the sea and getting punished by the waves that try to take the guy away from our arms
>Spent long periods of time underwater with each wave that breaks on us.
>We end up being 7 lifeguards from 400mts around to get him out.
>nevah forget

Pretty rich coming from a nation of religious outcasts, slaves, horse thieves and the Irish...

The Irish are the best of you, frankly. That says a lot.

>be me, early twenties, into psychedelics
>go to massive party in woods for techno
>arrive, find 6 people listening to happy hardcore
>welp... here now tripping balls
>walk in the dark woods - genius
>walk and talk, talk and walk, trip fucking balls on good acid
>bypass a small waist-high fence on our route and think "wow, a tiny fence! wot r u 4?!"
>walk past tiny fence
>me and friend beside me, discussing Star Wars and it's socio-economic repurcussions or some shit, walk directly off a sheer cliff edge
>dangling by fingertips and one leg from 60/70ft drop
>friend is in similar predicament
>eye contact, manage to laugh despite poop of fear, clamber back up to safety after several confused minutes
>huys we were with also tripping to fuck, figured we knew what we were up to, left us to it
>explain to them we just fell, and nearly died
>takes a while to convince them it was true, because acid
>friend who fell with me suddenly has lightbulb moment
>"giuse! I think I know what the tiny fence was for!"

Now I take acid indoors, or with a straight person wrangling me like the fucking liablity I am. Still makes my asshole shrink thinking about it. I hate heights, and that shit was HIGH AS FUCK, because I was HIGH AS FUCK. Don't suggest it, frankly.

dude thats fucking pathetic. I got jumped by 3 guys and got stabbed but kept all my shit and even broke one of the cunts nose.
Not doing anything about the problem makes you part of the problem you fucking loser.

You should have just let him stab you.it doesn't hurt that much

The continuation.

>Be 14 year old me. Lived entire life in a poor, neglectful, psychologically and physically abusive household.
>Was literal torture at times.
>Parents are manipulative liars.
>No one believes me despite obvious signs.
>Had enough one day. Decide to hang myself.
>Set everything up and kick the stand out. I'm almost there(dead) and the support breaks.
>Go to hospital and parents lie about what happened. The doctors knew and recommended some place after an evaluation period.
>Can't speak, eating and breathing hurts.
>Parents mercilessly beat me when I get home.

>Be 16 - 17 me.
>Heavily involved in white supremacy, drugs and general gang activity. Literally killing and torturing small animals at this point.
>12 shots were fired from an alley, clipping my friend and coming exceptionally close to me.
>retaliation for beating some black kids to near death. Just coz.
>Laugh, call my friend a pussy, and go to the E.R.

There were three more shooting related incidents, including one where I'd been clipped.

Almost stood on a death adder on my mums property in the hours just after twilight. Im such a lucky cunt

>70% of earths surface is covered with water
>You best start liking islands, faggot...
>YOU'RE ON ONE

Well, I don't have a story like that, but I do have one my friend told me.

>Born in alaska
>entire place is a shithole from day one
>gets a job at 14 helping fishermen clean their boats
>cleaning one day mid winter
>climbs onto side of boat to scrape slime off
>slips on iced handrail
>falls into water
>ice cracks
>goes unconscious
>underwater
>sub zero
>while unconscious he sees a bright light
>noshit.jpg
>begins traveling towards it
>sees dark robed figure
>dark robed figure sticks out palm and says 'now is not your time'
>wakes up underwater, drowning
>swims to surface
>coughs up water for 15 minutes
>goes back to job next day

Lol, nice one Mel Gibson.
They could've looked at the camera near the ATM and got a start on finding them though. Black cops are usually on a power trip when i interact with them, i fucking hate them. They shouldn't be able to refuse you help just because you hurt their precious feelings.

Final.

>Be 19 and 21 year old me, have had suicidal depression since I was 10, for obvious reasons.
>Try to kill myself with opioids and benzos.
>Didn't work. Miscalculated the dose and tolerance. Came close though.
>At 21, the only girl I'd ever had in my life(from 19 to 21) left. Had a psychological breakdown and tried to shoot myself.
>*click*
>Cheap Armscor ammo batch I had was notorious for failure to fires. I got lucky, I guess? If you can call it that.

>Be 22 year old me. Surprised I've made it this far.
>Decide to go out on large body of water with a few friends on a small craft.
>Small craft advisory. Didn't know at the time.
>The wind snaps the boat and flipped it, throwing us into the water.
>Spend 10+ hours struggling to stay afloat and am completely exhausted.
>I've long since accepted my fate and ultimate demise.
>Coast guard comes and saves us some time later. Someone called when we went missing.

>Be 23 year old me. Am incredibly sick and in pain from something.
>Take handfuls of aspirin for the pain until I can see my doc.
>Heart starts beating weird. Don't think much of it.
>I kneel down, my heart stops. I get cold, am sweating, and my vision is fading fast.
>Paramedics say it came back on its own. But was beating fast with low blood pressure.
>E.R. finds an out of control infection and dehydration. After some water and a couple months of antibiotics, I'm good.

MFW I realize I'm death proof.

he's from cUKland
ofc he's a fkn pussy ass betch

>mfw you typed all that out expecting someone to care
lol

>even after he looked though my wallet and was holding it he said "gimmie your wallet"
lmfao
I feel bad for you

>MFW you thought I genuinely possess any fucks left to give.

>Times you thought you were going to die.

Truck drives into my car, I react fast enough so that I don't hit frontal.

Crash, smoke, Glass, the smell if burned and Torn plastic.

I think I will die now, no pain, nothing.. keep driving ~300m.

Slow down, get out of my now cabrio car and just have some glass in my hair and clothes and be really happy do be alive.

Also, coke tends to do that. I needed to do something with my hands.

that doesn't sound very life threatening

Only twice, but both when young and not even fatal
Feels bad seeing most of these posts, but here goes

>12th birthday at lake property
>swimming before lunch
>called in for lunch and walk up to shore
>near the shore about waist deep, I put my right foot down and leg goes ice cold
>pull it out of water to see
>clean hole about the size of a dime through my foot
>pass out and wake up in urgent care (closest hospital)
Family found a broken piece of rebar in the water. I freaked the fuck out when I saw this scene in theaters

I actually have died twice. But both before I can even remember it, Then two more near misses, also from before I can remember, Not sure if very lucky or very unlucky.

Fell out of a tree at 10 good 8-9ft, head landed about literally 2inch away from pic related, landed on a rock and fell down a hill though

If your not trolling then your one lucky motherfucker

Second time was a near accident while driving
>be 15
>drove hella out of town to visit friend
>ended up staying awake for over 24 hours for the first time I'm my life
>driving home, about 3 miles left
>windows down, music blasting, focusing so hard on road
>45 mph, driving down straight away, and pass out immediately, like a light switch turned off
>wake up, I don't know, maybe 5-10 seconds later, to me going 45 still and about 50 ft from a line of stopped cars at an intersection
>ohshitohshitohshit.gif
>turn left hard to avoid collision
>right door scrapes bumper on left side of guy in front of me, get air over median of turn lane into oncoming traffic
>fuck
>dodge about three cars still turning left hard to get to shoulder
>guy clips my right rear bumper, spin out
>stop on shoulder, still one piece, no cuts, no injuries
>get out and check on others I hit
>everybody's okay
>only paint scratch on first guy, and broken light of second guy
>nobody asks for insurance, everybody tells me to go home
>went home and really thought about life and death for about an hour
>went to sisters birthday party later that day
>"what if I died on my sisters bday?"
>feelsbadman
I never drove while tired since
If I ever needed to leave a place while tired, I sleep at least 45 mins before leaving
Don't drive tired user

I wish I were trolling. I've just had a pretty fucked up run so far. All I really do now is get off of work and drink myself to sleep. Things are looking up, I guess.

you island nigger

...

1/5 Gale force winds at 4am sleeping in a 21ft fishing boat off Cat Cay in the Bahamas in 1993. Blew us off the anchor line, boat tossing about woke up with not much sleep in wtf mode. Wave crashed on the gunwale & knocked me overboard. My legs got wrapped in the anchor line & I struggled to free myself. Boat was being washed against the rocky beach & I was bouncing off the rocks & boat simultaneously. I *Finally* untangled myself, death-gasping for air & my buddy was screaming at me to help push the boat off the beach in driving rain you couldn't see 10 feet in front of you. I'm pushing from the stern, while he jumped onboard, cranked the engine & throttled it full force. Prop starts hitting the rocks, my ankles are taking a beating from the flying rocks, motor starts bouncing off the rocks, to full 'retract' with extreme force. I thought the stern was going to snap. Engine is Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam slamming into the rocks & off the stern, like a Buddy Rich drum solo. Scary enough as that was, when the engine was bouncing up & down, the full throttle prop was spinning inches away from me while I'm fighting the boat, wind & current in waist deep water. We 'finally' got the boat off the beach & anchored up again. Thankfully there was no damage to the boat. We didn't sleep the rest of the night. We started fishing in the morning calm until noon & didn't catch anything worth mentioning.
Pulled anchor & headed back to Miami.

2/5 Original forecast showed good weather. We're thinking 90-120 min crossing, and we were making good time until we got about 30 miles from shore. We stopped the boat when we saw the squal line and said Oh Fuck. Looking N & S as far as the eye could see was ... hard to describe. I've never seen this before or since. It was basically a rectangle cloud 500ft off the surface to maybe 2,500 ft of nothing but angry black green gray clouds & a shit load of lightning. I mean, cloud was flat across the bottom and top, 2,000 ft black cloud 200 miles long. We started across & soon hit the front. We encountered 15ft. chop. Not rolling waves, but we'd crest a wave and drop, BAM! The boat would shudder, 5 seconds later, and do it again, BAM! 5 seconds later, and do it again, BAM!

3/5 For the next 3 fucking hours. Our fwd speed was at a crawl & we were in heavy, heavy downpour. We had our Bimini Top up because the rain, but it was really no use. The securing pins came lose & I struggled to get them back in. We had to put our dive masks on to see, but the force of the rain soon with the violent jarring of the boat soon had them filled with water. I had to piss something fierce & I had no choice, or reason not to, piss my pants. I'll never forget the look on his face when he smelled it & looked at me. I just shrugged. All of a sudden we could hear the signing of our graphite rids & my buddy freaks out throwing the rods & outriggers to the deck as lighting was popping the ocean several times less than 100 feet away. We finally got through the storm & into shallow water near the reef & we made it on in. Friend approaches the dock too fast & instinctively threw up my hand as we hit the dock way too hard & I opened a gash in the pocket of skin in the soft part of palm & thumb. I should have gotten stitches, but I wound up taping it shut. It was a hard, hard trip. We came back with a total of six fish. Previous trip a few months earlier we could barely store all the fish we caught. Exhausted, beat up. Injured. Almost drowned on the beach, not to mention I almost got sliced-up like a manatee. The description of the crossing doesn't do it justice.

Ayy lmao

4/5 If the gale on the beach & almost capsizing the boat was sheer terror, the crossing was its little brother. We made it back to the house & slept for two days. We were so beat-up, I don't think we spoke for two weeks. I'll never forget it.

Meh. There is no # 5 except for this photo of the crossing. Boat # 2 didn't have near the troubles we had.

>Be me going for a jog at night
>Cops kidnapp me and cuff me
>They take me to the outside of the city
>Tought I was done (it's not uncommon for police here to disappear people)
>They just beat me up and end up throwing me in jail for "public dissturbance"
>Fuckers steal my cellphone

Yes, this happened in Mexico