International jokes thread

Post jokes from your cunt

A guy went to perform umrah in mecca with his family.
During circling, he got closer to his mother and heard her whisper:
>"God please forgive me, for I have committed adultery."
Then, he got closer to his sister and heard her whisper:
>"God please forgive me, for I have committed adultery."
Then, he got closer to his wife and heard her whisper:
>"God please forgive me, for I have committed adultery."
Then he raised his arms in prayer and said:
>"God please forgive me for I am going to send you 3 whores."

What's the difference between a white jew and a black jew?


The black jew has to sit at the back of the gaschamber.

I would hug you, but I'm scared I can overhug and fuck you.

the serbian empire

Argentina is white

How do you fit 20 Jews in volkswagen kafer?

4 on seats and 16 in ashtray.

Even better!
>Taringa

An american walks into a bar


Orders a big mac with large fries and a gallon of coca cola

An american walks into a doctor's clinic


Orders a big mac with large fries and a gallon of coca cola

An american walks into Spain


holy shit i love Mexico

Sweden today is much funnier, Jamal.

An american walks into moon


holy shit its not a ball of cheese???

1520

...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Frenchman', My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible', drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

Shrove Tuesday?

>born on valentine's day
>not conceived on valentine's day
unlikely. ruined my immersion 2/10 joke.

Yeah. We call it Pancake day here.

My mum was born on Valentine's day desu

why do brits have holes in their caskets? so the maggots crawl out to vomit

Why a black women pregnant of triplets was arrested?

Gang formation.

Why do jews have long, big noses?
Because air is free!

A ball rolls around the corner and falls :DDDD

That's bullshit. We don't have such a joke.

Don't post my fucking elephant

Poland is not yet lost

A man tattooed the words "I Love You" on his penis and was eager to show it to his girlfriend.

She looks at it for a while, shakes her head and then says:
"Are you trying to put words into my mouth again?"

...

...

It is not the fart that kills, it is the smell

...

...

I had sex with an English girl yesterday, but it was really awkward, because she kept calling some other guy's name. Who the hell is Rape?

...

Why don't Jews ever lick pussy?
Too close to the gas chamber.

Comic version of a German joke

Why does the swede carry around a car door in the desert?
So he can roll down the window when he gets hot.

On a train in czarist Russia, a Jew is eating a whitefish, wrapped in paper. A Gentile, sitting across the aisle, begins to taunt him with various anti-Semitic epithets. Finally, he asks the Jew, “What makes you Jews so smart?” “All right,” replies the Jew, “I guess I’ll have to tell you. It’s because we eat the head of the whitefish.” “Well, if that’s the secret,” says the Gentile, “then I can be as smart as you are.” “That’s right,” says the Jew, “And in fact, I happen to have an extra whitefish head with me. You can have it for five kopecks.” The Gentile pays for the fish head and begins to eat. An hour later the train stops at a station for a few minutes. The Gentile leaves the train and comes back. “Listen, Jew,” he says, “You sold me that whitefish head for five kopecks. But I just saw a whole whitefish at the market for three kopecks.” “See,” replies the Jew, “You’re getting smarter already.”

What do you get if you cross the jews with cockroaches?

Dunno, but at least they couldn't claim the holocaust happened


How many Swedes does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just turn off the other lights to make the dark room feel welcome


What did the Saudi Arabian visiting America buy his wife for dinner?

Happy Meals

Why do Jews have so big noses?
Because air is free.

...

aren't they in a plane in the original joke?

people say that that hitler ordered the execution of the jews, but what really happened was hitler was giving away free gas and the jews were so greedy they not only filled gas tanks with gas but also tried bring some back in their lungs and then millions of jews died because of their greed

An infinite number of physicists walk into a bar
First orders 1 pint of beer, the second 1/2 pint, the third 1/4, the fourth 1/8 and so on.
A bartender tells them: "Get the fuck out of here"

This bartender was an Einstein.

What is a woman doing in a space station?

Cleaning up lol

...

A man walks into a bar.
"O-o-one b-b-b-beer, p-p-please"
The bartender says:
"Hey, friend, I used to have problems with stammering myself, but it got fixed after my wife gave me a proper blowjob. I recommend you the same".
So the man drinks his beer quickly and leaves.
The next evening the man comes back.
"O-o-one b-b-beer, p-p-please".
"I guess my advice didn't help you?"
"N-no, b-but y-you've g-got a b-b-beautiful home".

I don't get it but I laughed.

What does a Polish jew on a swing do?

Pissing off the German snipers

que buen post y yo sin puntos
que picardia!

Doesn't make much of a difference, but you reminded me of another one:

A Rabbi, a black man and a priest fly on a plane. Suddenly it starts to crash down, but there's not enough parachutes for everyone. The Rabbi says: "We must save the children!'. The black man replies: "Fuck the children". Next, the priest asks: "Do you think we have enough time for that?'

A man bought a hat an it was just.

What do you call a jew that can fly?

Fume

A Brazilian and a Chinese man are peeing in urinals besides each other. The Brazilian guy notices a weird smudge on the Chinaman's dick, and inquires about it.

- Oh, it's actually a tattoo. When I get erect, it reads "Love".
- Wow, I got a similar tattoo a while ago. When I get turned on, it reads "Memory of my vacations in Itaquaquecetuba".

a black and an arab are in a car who one is driving ?

the police

Man went to store. Shovel.

A man and wife drove over a skunk.
The wife was an animal rights activist, so she wanted to save the skunk.
The man said: "put it between your legs to keep it warm".
"What about the smell", asked the wife, to which man replied:
"I don't know, put your fingers in its nostrils or something."

What is the hardest dare?

Shitting on the doorstep of a niggers' house and then telling him "hey your kid has melted"

Non-scandis won't get it, mon

Dårlig, svenskevitsene våres er jo bare idiotvitser med et annet offer

You know what's the easiest way to write a polish novel?

#include
int main() {
for (int i=0; i < 1E6; i++) {
std::cout

A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"

Why do arabs ride camels and swedes drive volvos?

The arabs got to choose first

A man arrives at a traffic control.

The police tells him "you can keep driving, we're looking for a rapist"

a couple of minutes later the man comes back and says to the police "i thought about it, i'll do it"

How would they get in if there wasn't a hole already?

CRACKING jokes mate. Really good stuff.

Would be funnier if you set it in Mexico

Lmoa

What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time

kek

Is that reallyajokefrom Colomvia

Q: What's the value of a contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

An Englishman wanted to learn Russian so badly he was ready to become a Russian himself. He traveled to meet the best brain surgeon to ask if it was possible.
"That can be arranged, we just have to remove 20% of your brains"
The man agreed and the operation began immediately.
When the man woke up he saw the surgeon with a very worried look on his face.
"I deeply apologize", said the surgeon, "but a terrible mistake has happened. We accidentally removed 80% of your brain".
"Det gör ingenting", the man replied.

Always loved this one. It's so quick to say and is hilarious, usually takes people a few seconds to et it and you can see it in their face when they do.

Pretty good.

Pretty kek

Pretty good

heard it many times

good

Can't be asked to read the rest.

Here's some,

Some old Japanese couple gave me a very nice camera down by the Washington Monument. I couldn't really understand them but it was very nice.

Brits are more inbred than a toast sandwich.

My wife and I have decided that we don't want children. So we dropped them off at the fire station.

...

A german, a norwegian, the pilot and a swede were onboard of a plane when something went wrong. The plane was about to crash, so everyone was required to jump. But there were only 3 parachutes. The swede exclaimed towards the pilot:
"you can take mine"
"why did you give away the parachute?" asked the norwegian
"dont worry", said the swede. "It was only the carrying bag"

Typhus Tuberculosis Cancer, Vagina

This is seriously a dutch joke. Diseases are kanker funny.

How do you know your sister has her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.

How do you turn a cat into a dog? Pour gasoline on it and set it on fire. Woof!

I dont get it

...

An american walks into a bar
he sues the owner for a million bucks

nice

What do you call a group of blacks hanging from a tree?
Mississippi windchimes

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny

Why is there cotton in the tops of pill bottles?
To remind blacks that they're cotton pickers before drug dealers.

man, great jokes, you could be a stand up comedian

Three friends, a Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian are cast away on a large desert island. After days of wandering around, starving, they find a genie's lamp. The genie grants them each a wish.
The Norwegian wishes he was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean having a nice drink. Poof! There he goes.
The Finn wishes he was in his summer cabin drinking a cold beer. Poof! There he goes.
The swede felt sad and lonely: "I wish my friends were here".

Only donkey of a village got sick. Being fucked by a human was her only cure. Nobody wanted to do it as expected, so they found a Kürt from a neighbour village and asked him if he wanted to do it for 40 gold coins. He said "I will be right back" and came hours later with a bloody pouch of gold: "I was able to get 20 coins for now, is it okay?"

>Nobody wanted to do it as expected,
not very realistic, 2/10

"How do you say loudmouth in Belgian?"
"MOUTH"

>offended

>Belgian

I thought they spoke french

>nip humor

you make a good point

Two guys meet at the French-Belgian border:

"Hey, I'm gonna tell you a joke about Belgians"
"No way mate, I'm Belgian"
"Don't worry, I'll tell it twice for you"

A jew, a gypsy and a robber enter in a bar
The barman kicks him out

Better as "Two men walked into a bar; the third guy ducked"

two girls go to Africa and they see a crocodile. One ask the other: "What´s that?" and she responds: "Oh, how dumb you are! That´s obviousy a Lacoste original!"

Women are stupid amirite kek

Someone told me the story pf a chair, it was bent

Why do americans have niggers while italians have mafia?
Italians chose first

Kek

This is dutch classic:

Why do muslim immigrants always massively go to the mosque on friday?

They are praying for the welfare bureau to re-open on monday.

lol but it doesn't work in english