ITT: Shit that's fucked you up beyond repair

ITT: Shit that's fucked you up beyond repair
Doesn't matter what it was. Relationship, injury, drugs, childhood, lack of tendies IDGAF. I'll start with mine.
>Be me
>18
>Decide to do dmt again
>Had only done once and was very fun
>Lay on bed, against the wall looking out at the window
>Take hit
>instantly go limp
>can only move my eyes
>Not seeing shit
>Suddenly multiple black formless masses with white eyes are at window
>banging on it trying to get in
>See them in the dark corners of the room
>20 minutes pass
>trip wears off
>still seeing the things
>everywhere in the dark
>paralyze me in fear every time I see them
>get a chronic fear of the dark
>have 6 lamps in room to keep every corner of the room lit when it starts to get dark
>only reason I haven't ended it all is I have a loyal lover
>If he leaves I will probably just fucking kill myself
>5 years later
>Still seeing the things
>Still horrifying
>See them when i'm outside
>see them everywhere it is dark
>Have tried anti-psychotics
>doesn't help
>have tried confronting them
>nothing helps
>power went out last night
>woke up boyfriend with screams
>he understands and we stay together all night until power comes back on

Damn that sucks

That's an understatement.

oh hey yeah no that's happened to me before, too.

Just try taking a shit ton of weed or something and it goes away

the only solution is to do more dmt

really tho, maybe look into shrooms, heard its therapeutic for traumatic trips

you still do any drugs?

I smoke weed just about every day. It helps... only for a few hours at best.

>be me
>insecure 7/10 half nigger
>dating 9/10 volleyball player
>birthday coming up
>gf wants to do something for me but I just want something simple with a few friends
>she promises not to do anything
>notice that she's been spending a lot of time with one of my friends
>she starts to get distant
>stop talking almost completely
>flip my autistic insecurity switch
>think she's cheating on me
>text her long message, then block her number
>hit up an old hoe for some top
>post screenshots of her saying she would come over and fuck me on snapchat so gf would see it
>she doesn't text me or call me for a week
>birthday passes, all alone
>find out from a friend later they were planning a surprise party and I fucked up my relationship because I was too insecure and too much of a pussy to confront her about it
>friends stop being my friend due to how petty and mean I was
>all alone now sabe a few buddies

I have no girlfriend, goodnight.

honestly look into using lsd for psychotherapy, even microdosing could help you immensely. Good luck

not even close to the same thing, but i have had some extremely bad tinnitus all my life and have blocked it using fans, etc. and only recently have i really come to an idea of how to deal with it

i "deal" with it by accepting that tinnitus and the loud ringing will never go away and it wont effect me in any situation that isnt this and has no other manifestation, and have been able to even sleep soundly to the really loud ringing in my ears because while it could be maddening its a part of my life

have you tried "accepting" that you will see shadow figures that in no way can never harm you and will never manifest themselves beyond your i guess visual hallucinations? just getting to the mindset of "oh theres those things again, yeah i guess theyre moving around, whatever"

A lifetime of self-isolation and paranoid dereistic thinking.

you should try abstaining from all drugs, weed is just gonna continue to trigger you unless you take a break

t. experienced tripper and smoker

I wish it was that easy. Imagine being kidnapped, tied down then escaping. Only to to the people who did it to you everyday, knowing what they are capable of. I tried to tell this story right before I hit post the power got cut. Stuff like that happens often.

>Only to see the*
God I am autistic.

>seventh grade
>13th birthday
>don't say anything cuz nbd
>"friend" attacks me with a pencil
>stabbed really hard in p3nor like 3 times
>lotsablood.webm
>fucked up my dick
>permaflaccid
>can't even stroke limp dick cuz sensitive scar tissue is painful
>looks like it got a bite taken out of it
>my life was over before I even finished puberty
>feelsbadman

Sucks, but at least you learned from it. If that happened in high school/college time of life then don't feel too horrible. Most of us had poor relationships then because we didn't know wtf we were doing.

You have it worse than me. Rip anons peenor

Appreciate it user, I'm working on trying to better myself

you sound schizo

I probably am.

to me this says you believe in this shit. Realize there is no supernatural forces that exist. The things you see arent real. There's literally nothing to fear from them. And then maybe IF you still see them once youre not a mental patient, it might even be fun and trippy, knowing theyre harmless. I wish I could have built in entertainment like that

>I wish it was that easy. Imagine being kidnapped, tied down then escaping.
Im sorry but thats bullshit. Nowhere in your story do you say in your trip you felt like you were being kidnapped. How does that have any correlation to the figures you see?

Besides you know we dont live in some kind of sci fi world right? Theres no such thing as spirits ghost or magic, just our world without it and people wishing we did.

>tldr stop being a pussy, these things arent real and cant ever be real in our reality.

I like people and people like me (sometimes), but then depression begins and I ruin everything. Planning to kill myself.

How?

Quit being a fuckin bitch, what's to be scared of if you know it isn't real?

Thought you weren't op

I've been there and it isn't some magic force cutting your power. take a break from smoking and everything, it's the best way to recover

Pretty sure he said (paraphrased) "I felt like I couldn't move, only my eyes. Then dark figures came into my room and looked in through the window"

I'd say it's close enough

PTSD is fun... Dad used to get in my face. Yelling, top of his lungs, nose against mine. Completely inconsistent childhood. Fun stuff. Bastard's a narcissist, so even if I do ever make anything of my life, the bastard's gonna take credit for it.
That's only part of the reason I'm actively wasting my life away. I've been in limbo for half a decade and I'm only 22. Quarter of my life and counting wasted, because I could never fucking kill myself right. At this point, I'm just waiting until I hate myself enough to go get a shotgun somehow and blow a hole in my head or chest. I don't trust myself to NOT fuck up anything short of point blank buckshot.

Thank you user.

A slug would be more effective, and less messy. But please hang in there user.

You know Im right though, right?

You are only crippling yourself in fear of something that couldnt ever materialize in our reality besides our mind.

jesus OP that's fucking awful. was gonna try dmt but now man, fuck that shit.

Just stick to weed, maybe some lsd if you feel so inclined.

I think it would be interesting to see how you react to playing Limbo or Braid. Perhaps do that, and equate the main characters to the shadows in your mind. Then, imagine that you control them, as in the games, and make them leave.

>be me, chubby self proclaimed lesbian
>guy at work asks if i wanna get high after our shift is over
>decide i could probably sell him some weed so i say yes and we go smoke
>he drives me back to our work but we’re too high to go anywhere so we sit and talk for a bit
>i get cold so he gives me his jacket
>i lean on him bc he’s warm
>he puts his cheek on mine and then slowly turns into a kiss
>we make out for a pretty long time
>thisisreallyhappening
>he gets on top of me and starts grinding on me
>pulls out a condom but shark week had started so i tell him we can’t fuck
>give consolation blowjob instead
>get a phone call from my dad mid-succ saying i need to come home immediately
>sheepishly kiss him, apologize, and leave saying i’ll make it up to him later
>next day comes and we work together again, he won’t talk to me or make eye contact
>i fucked up
>another day passes and i see him making out with another girl in his truck in the parking lot

tfw hes the only dude ever i’ve been attracted to and i blew it. literally.

You won

More effective? I figured more spread means more things to operate on means less chance to resuscitate.
'Spose if a slug'd blow my head off, that'd be more effective, but I dunno about it doing that much damage. Besides, someone else's gonna have to clean it up either way. It's escapism at its core, so I have no false pretenses. It's entirely selfish of me, but it's not like I'd be able to regret that once I'm dead, right?

Ehh. I've been holding on for five years of doing fucking nothing but living on my whims and keeping myself distracted/avoiding reality. I'll keep doing it until I can't. But I sure as shit refuse to get better, and damned if I want to hit 40 being this much a lazy sack of shit. But I first tried/wanted to kill myself around third grade. I'm well beyond saving. I sure as shit don't want it enough by now.

Are you a girl or gay?

I would say try a 6th Sense or Beautiful Mind approach.. just don't give a fuck. You make it be terrifying. Get used to that shit. Or try more dmt see what happens.

What? Dude she probably was fucking him in the first place. You clearly said you didn't want anything and she said yes, and she started to get distant.. and stop talking? What the fuck kind of relationship is that?

I love limbo ironically.

Well I mean, you half blew it...

Op is gay.

Exactly this, you're feeding your own paranoia with these supernatural phenomenon, when in reality you just fucked your brain for a while, maybe it will go away over time.

Why the everliving fuck is anyone stabbing a 13 y/o's dick? Please tell me that person got fucking jail time or something? And on your fucking birthday none the less!

oh I've done just about everything EXCEPT dmt. don't do too much tripping anymore these days (though I had a helluva interesting time about a year ago doing lsd, mdma, and then ketamine)

That was during the trip, retard. I still wanna know if OP's a fag or a girl. If he's a fag that would explain a lot.

I support this.

My Uncle got shot point blank with a shotgun and only lost his eye so yea I would a slug if I was you but bro don't end it

I get gay on cam sites for money

I hope it does, i've kind of got over them. I can usually control myself if there's just one or two. But when you see 6-7 pairs of eyes just floating there watching you. I just kind of lock up. Like those fainting goats.

Sounds like something a supernatural being would say

Just shine a flashlight on them for a few seconds then shoot them.

Well if the dude was pissed off at that he was immature. Sure I wouldnt like to be blue balled but if it wasn emergency id understand.

At least you're making money off of it. Could be worse user.

You only read half of that post. Ehh. Figured I mostly wrote it for myself anyways.

It's God showing you what awaits you eternally if you don't repent from your faggot ways

That's the way I look at it

>If it was an. Keyboard shat out on me there.

You should watch stranger things, it’s a really good show.

Fag

I have talked to him recently and he said he wasn’t mad but it really fucks me up that he not only ghosted me at first but immediately moved on.

Damn as soon as I seen this I was gonna post on of my dmt experiences and then I read your post. Same thing happened to me but just one creature. Deep black color like charcoal and no face or eyes. Seemed really evil. Most of my other experiences were beautiful but not this one. Really makes you wonder wtf we’re dealing with in there

See, I would love that shit. It would make my life less boring and miserable than it is.

I've done peyote/salvia/LSD/DMT/shrooms and I've loved every visual aspect of it... and I've seen some pretty fucked up shit but never freaked me out like your story.

I'll bite OP
>Be me
> Go to yearly physical
>user we found something wrong
>Refered to Cancer center
>Blind in left eye due to prematurity
>Started seeing flashes and floaters
>Go see Opthalmologist
>user your retina is severely damaged
>Eye surgery to maybe fix
>Might go blind completely
>Might have rare bone marrow cancer

Feels bad man

Nice shitpost though.

Ouch, that sucks user. I hope you can pull through.

he probably thought you were lying and stopped because you had second thoughts or something

or hes just a manwhore, probably both

hey man i wan't sure if i should say amything for fear of making it worse but i figure if it's been this long, you've already considered almost everything

i think these shadow-forms, though probably completely harmless, could be real entities struggling and suffering, and aware that you can see them and seeking you because you are a tunnel of light through to this plane. i have no idea how to do anything about it but if you're serious i would suggest travelling to south america and speaking with some true shamanic people who are experienced in working with dmt (ayahuasca). they might be able to help you exorcise them.

sorry and good luck.

Earlier this year found out there was a one in a million tumor in the base of my femur so over grown it left what little bone was still there a fracture risk. "The leg will never be the same again".

Me too user,
Scared to fucking death.
>IF cancer=True
> Then print '20 years to live.'
>IFELSE print 'Blind as fuck and dying...'

Funny enough I still want to become president of the United States.

something similar to OP but also entirely different

>do drugs, be on prescription dexedrine and fluoxetine and be smoking cigarettes and weed and drink
>shit gets to me
>shitdiggity, things happen subtly
>can't begin to describe how it feels but I know things are off
>first real bad thing happens when I can't remember anything and I start to believe I've had short-term memory loss all my life and everytime I come to this conclusion it's just another episode
>I begin to believe in more ludicrous stuff like how we're in a simulation and everything is a loop, have thought loops, never heard of them until this happened
>can't get out of any loop and I freak, nothing is real and I'm about to be unplugged for realizing
>at this point I'm beginning to regress into myself, I know everything I'm imagining must be fake but if I don't change my thinking pattern or what I think I believe I know I'll break myself
> I start to realize the power of belief is powerful, it becomes your reality regardless of empirical evidence
>believe in more shit like I can time travel by mere thought and come back when I open my eyes
>I go deeper down the rabbit hole, the time travel thing fucks with me, I begin to lose myself, my point in time and become delirious
>I loop again, I can't escape this paradox in causality

I can only describe these thought loops as being in different points in time of an event, imagine a 5 sec loop that causes itself, you're every point at the same time and it feels like no traction and it scares the hell out of me

Whatever the case may be I hope that experience didnt fuck up your relationships with men. Just keep searching for the right girl/guy and when you find them give your all if they give you their all.

>parents are retards
>I'm a retard

What's your excuse

Being homeschooled/brainwashed by my hard catholic mother causing me to be completely alone spiritually and physically most of the time until I was 13 and went to military school.

Recently found out my first and only gf was cheating on me with someone i thought was my best friend. After i found out i broke up with her and people started taking sides. I lost a lot of friends and not a day goes by where i don't think about plastering my brains on a wall.

Sounds like my high school experience. If you're still that young, drop the context of romance and only date people casually. All the benefits none of the downfalls if she runs off and fucks somebody else.

I don't think OP's spiritual and fucked with the wrong thing.. and now he's facing with things he doesn't understand.

They're probably demons tbh. OP you're fucked, they'll take your soul by force if you're not willing to give it to them peacefully...

>be 13th birthday
>go to town with my mate, spend some birthday money, go to macdonalds
>come back and meet my old best friend, he asks where we been, told him it was my birthday
>"ohhhh shit, I got something for ya
>other friend leaves
>he takes me to this wooded area with a big ditch for bmx'rs
>pulls out this huge spliff
>he gives me a fuckload and he keeps asking "do you feel it?"
>don't tell him it's my first time and I actually can't feel anything
>he keeps giving me more
>he's like "shit dude you had more than me"
>stand up to go home and hear a chorus of niggers singing "neeeem ha ni ni neeeeem haaa neeem ni ni ni neeeeem ho"
>keep passing out but everytime I do my friend wakes me up
>we walk home and I was ok but everytime i smoke weed I feel like there are aliens all around me.
It sometimes gets me when I'm not stoned too

>parents violent relationship and eventual divorce
>smoking laced weed at sixteen
>party v& when i was twelve or thirtee
>first long term relationship, she cheated
>second long term relationship, she cheated, stole money, accused me of assault
>spent what little i had to travel for a while, realized how badly i fucked up my life to this point and the recovery is a mountain i cant see the top of

>mixing all those drugs, half of which are useless poison
poor dumb user

Just stop doing drugs for non-medical reasons, make some exercise, go out somewhere with you boyfriend to someplace you like, eat healthy and if doesn't work go to psychiatrist.
You cunt.

I figured that, I just don’t know what to do now because I have to keep looking at his stupid cute face at work every day. I kind of want to just cease to exist.

I kind of get that but not as deep....everytime I get a sudden realisation my brain snaps out of it....it's fucking brutal man. It's like time slows and I'm living in a different dimension.

i think nothing can ever take your soul if you don't willingly give it, but they will try to intimidate you into giving them what they want

I just feel a lot less confident now if anything, but thanks for the advice for real. It means a lot.

Shit, you are fucked up beyond repair unless you truly confront your fear.

Last time I had a real nightmare was 15 years ago, I guess because I have a partial interest in dark/horror themes, but for some reason when I was a kid I recall seeing a documentary in discovery channel about dark humanoid figures floating in the sky, that shit have me nightmares for a while, then, I just simply stopped having nightmares about it.

The figures in the sky no longer scare me, but boy, If they come into mind when im looking into the dark nigh sky, I become uneasy.

Also, some nightmares felt real, I remember multiple occasions where I dreamed of being in my room alone and suddenly the lights start diminishing, everything just starts getting darker and darker, you try to talk and scream and nothing comes out of you, and when you try to exit, the room goes dark, and the cliche infinite hallway starts, then the darkness gets you and you wake up.

>party v& at 13
Elaborate please.

Are you sure you're a lesbian, and not just looking at the wrong group of guys? What about him is different than an "average" guy?

I was trolling you hummungus faggot. No one will intimidate OP or try to steal anything. It's all in his head.

hummus

ye
amphetamines will straight up fuck you up. because of the reward factor there's an inertia behind thinking and you just can't stop
eventually after through fatigue you'll become suggestive to other worldly things or succumb to paranoia
either way you'll turn on your friends

I was pretty sure I was a lesbian given that i’ve only been with/had feelings for girls but I guess being intamate with someone can really change that.

>I was pretty sure I was a lesbian given that i’ve only been with/had feelings for girls
...have you ever had thoughts like "damn, he's cute" before that? Any notice at all of guys being physically attractive?

Nothing special. >
retarded and didn't understand how limewire worked
>found some video of a grill that looked like a grill i liked in school
>fapped relentlessly and tried to find more
>seeding pizza for months
>get pulled out of school, agents at my house, question me and my whole family for hours
>dig through all harddrives
>parents see my mountains of porn (there was no pizza when they came, i realized it before that and removed)
>say they could arrest me now but dont, will hear from them if they proceed with anything more
>never hear anything
>not allowed to use computer for years
>still terrified any time someone comes to my door or calls me
>terrified it shows up in a background check or in airport security

Pretty sure I'm in the clear but it still gives me anxiety

Do some acid in the middle of the night, outside, in nature prefferably, oughtta fix that right up.

fucked relationship with an ex, we weren't really together but close as fuck, talking everyday, one day just had enough of cheering her up everyday, she used to cut herself a lot, i threatened to kms if she wouldn't shut up, she left soon after not heard from her since, properly moved on but i still think about it sometimes, got to understand this was basically 10 hours of a day reassuring she was wanted, beautiful for a year, no real time when it stops even during holidays.

Sure. I can definitely say if someone’s attractive regardless of sex but I don’t think i’ve legitimately wanted to fuck a guy until now.

Ok, so what's different about this one?

Why? Why cease to exist? Why deny yourself the pleasure of future knowledge, friendships, and obstacles and instead embrace oblivion? Screw what other people think its your life and live it. If you dont want to look at him and be depressed get a different job, something that demands more energy to help keep your mind off of it. Life sucks, but death is absolute nothing.

Share some pics you stingy bastard

Just the way he treated me I guess. Like when we were laying in his car we held hands and he rubbed little circles into my palm and I just went with it because “why not”. He was super gentle and I kind of melted. Now i’m here.

Become one of them. Wear all black, head to toe. Maybe they won't notice you if you blend in. Maybe they will accept you. You can engage these thing, and move among them. I suggest you try this.

Congratulations. You're stereotypically female. More sexually attracted emotionally, rather than visually (like men).
Find guys who are caring. That's the best advice I can give you.