I have a polygraph for my job, how fucked am I /b?

I have a polygraph for my job, how fucked am I /b?

I work for a defense contractor and they're making me take a polygraph test. I've done some shit I'm not proud of. What happens now?

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>off by one
As long as the things you're ashamed of aren't actual national security risks, in which case you're fucked either way, just tell the truth. They're more interested in that you'll be honest rather than the prurient details of what you've done. Hell, if you're working for one of the umpteen Federal police agencies, being able to do shit you're not proud of could be a plus.

Just remember, it's not a lie...If you believe it.

How fucked?
Treason, sexual violence or drugs?

Drugs and shit on Sup Forums mainly.

I love the United States and wouldn't ever commit espionage.

Well there's a reason they aren't allowed to be used in court cases. They are wildly inaccurate and if you can stay relaxed and keep a steady hearbeat everything will come out as if you were telling the truth.

you're fine. here's what's going to happen.
you get wired up
they ask you "yes" or "no" questions
you answer truthfully
if they don't like the answer (would disqualify you) they stop recording and start asking questions in long form (where polygraph does nothing)
so long as you're truthful, open, and honest, they literally won't gaf
>held tssci clearance. got polygraphed for it. smoked a lot of pot before, just like everyone else.
you might actually get fucked if you did anything harder than weed, though. but i knew some guys who did and were fine.

Everyone else fine, but you fucked
Do you think it was right you stopped beating your wife last week?

>how fucked am I

you are only as fucked as you think you actually are, remember. People have taken polygraph and still gotten away with murder even though they have killled already beforehand, so just be chill af.

Read "the lie behind the lie detector" explains fully how to beat it...basically bite your cheek or tongue during control questions, do nothing and think of something boring/repetitive during test questions

alot of the time they look for honesty
aslong as you dont lie you should be fine.

relax, that is the key. polygraph is really just an elaborate interrogation technique but it is actually quite passable. There are a few books out there (may I suggest google, sir) that will tell you all you need to know about passing a lie detector test. The key is really just keeping an even steady breath but do some research but ultimately don't sweat it.

This. Polygraphs function based on your bodies reaction when you say something but believe something else. Convince yourself what you're saying is truth and you will pass.

This is bait, here is ur basic bait answer. It's fake and not baised to prove anything besides diff heart rates etc stfu and go in knowing it's fake ez /thread

just be super nervous so you get everything wrong. then everything will be invalid maybe. or. i dunno. hulk hogan passed that shit you can too

It's not bait. It's legitimately something I'm worried about because I could lose my job.

Do they have one that looks at your eyes or just this one pictured? Eyes are hard to pass but this is simple.

Yep had several over the years, honesty, is your best bet

>tssci
Fuck you.. all I got was secret

felonies though

They don't work. Just keep calm. Don't sweat and fully understand that they do not work. Do not let your heart rate go up. Answer confidently.

Quickly answer a known question/answer in your head and reply to that. E.g. Are you a male? yes or no. Works.

if you want to really do something clench that butthole for EVERY answer looking for consistency here between all answers.

TTTTACCK IN SHOE

SHow up high on drugs not too fucked up just enuff to calm those nerves

just drop a benzo.

Tactical

Fuck that hydro-morf

Quick tip: If at the end they remove the stuff on you then say like 'hey, mind answering 1-2 more questions? You're unplugged anyway so we can't record any readings' they're still recording it, there's some sensors on the chair usually.
Sneaky fucks trying to get you comfortable.

If they ask you to pick a random card and answer their guess, know that all the cards are the same one and they are calibrating your reactions to a lie.

"I love the United States and wouldn't ever commit espionage"

"wouldn't ever"

Jesus christ op what did you do lol...

lie detectors are pretty retarded, they are highly invalid tests and should not be used for anything as serious as a job where national security could be at stake, that said you can find out how to fake them, practice a little bit, bingo bango bongo you're good

Is it a Counter Intelligence poly or lifestyle? CI is pretty easy to pass, but the Lifestyle, now if they see a spike of any kind, they can and usually dive deeper into that area of the poly to see if they can extract anything more... and like what most have said on here.. BE HONEST!

oh, they will also try to get information from you at the END of the poly session... "Did you have any problems with the test" "what part of the test concerned you most" etc etc. Don't answer those questions.. .just say you're fine and move on

You're fine unless you've committed treason or major felony shit, or plan to do so.

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact"

Clench your asshole

You can do it OP!

how would they find out you've done harder drugs? tests?

Theres really no way. The best they can do is a hair test but if you cut it to the min length they usually require (1.5") then they can only detect back ~90 days. Of course they can infer usage if you show a reaction on the polygraph. Depending on the polygraph operated and the hiring criteria it could go either way at that point.

replace any "yes" or "no" questions with a real question that is the answer you want.

for ex.
Have you ever used cocaine?
Replace it in your head as something like "am i black?"
which the answer is no.
You say, No.
It will show as truthful

they asked me if i did drugs.
i said yes, they stopped recording and asked what kinds.
i told them pot. they asked me how long ago i used it, etc.
they asked me if i did anything else, i said no
either they believed me or it didn't matter, because they started the recorder again and didn't ask about drugs anymore

op you do know that if you keep your cool you’re fine right?

penn and teller do a pretty good episode on how polygraphs are bullshit

basically you can beat them by squeezing your sphincter muscles in your arse

basically you squeeze your arse muscles when your telling the truth, and do nothing when telling a lie.

very crap quality

youtube.com/watch?v=NsoI92BfmqY