This is a little excerpt of a song I begin to write a few minutes ago. Give me constructive criticism and feedback, please! And don't just say "lame," "retarded," and or "KYSNIGGERFAGGOT" (knowing Sup Forums, anons will probably do all three at once, but hey, what's life without taking risks?), PLEASE!
>I conceal what I feel >Afraid to see what is real >A heart so luscious you could steal >Realms unravel in your heel >How do we cope without this? >Bloodied in painted blades >Did I save all my musings? >To let a lie savor me?
you seem nice so im only gonna tell you to go fuck yourself
Charles James
...thanks, I guess.
William Taylor
Aww. No other replies?
Michael Gray
lame
Nathaniel Allen
Not gonna lie this is pretty bad my guy. Try reading some poetry and being more subtle in you rhyming schemes. You'll get better if you study and practice. More importantly, is there any music to go along with this?
Lucas Watson
Thanks, I'll admit, I came up with it in a stream-of-consciousness daydream lasting about 2 minutes. If I took my time, I could do much better with it. I mostly got inspired by reading fantasy/fiction novels and old literature, with my own imagination.
Liam Jenkins
retarded
Xavier Hughes
And as for music, I usually prefer to focus on lyrics first, but I could make an ambient meets acoustic rock instrumental over it.
Xavier Cooper
bad
try again for literally 5 years
then come back and post what you have
i'm being serious. every song writer starts with shitty poetry. you just gotta keep making shitty poetry till it starts to become not so bad.
