i am very depressed and drinking excessively, i feel like i can't stop drinking and i live to drink. it seems like the end goal in everyday is just to get as drunk as possible or just drunk enough to the point where i feel like i can go on with my day. i drink when i wake up, ive gained maybe 40 pounds in the last couple months. my personality is now reflective of my alcohol habits. girl i loved left me for all the bs that came along with being intertwined with someone who is addicted to alcohol. i drink the cheapest vodka which is essentially relabeled rubbing alcohol, i get stomach cramps when i sit on the fucking toilet and bend over to use the bodna, i avoid looking in the mirror for days, the amount of interest i put into my interests and performance in school reflect how i live my life. i am in a constant state of consumption, i'm lazy as hell and don't do my work, i am going to fail a couple of classes this semester, my roommate left because he couldn't stand how much of a slob i was and still am, i feel like i use people to get fucked up. i can't maintain anything. i want to kill myself daily. i am watching myself slowly kill myself. all i want to do is drink. i don't even like pot anymore, it's just alcohol. i don't feel like myself unless i have a drink, ill be a little antsy if i don't know where my next drink is coming from, i feel like i can't leave my room unless i'm a little drunk, i got fined for an alcohol violation. i have a strong dislike of people and i notice it becoming stronger when i am sober, that's probably a result of just getting older. i don't think i'm growing anymore, i'm just getting older. my mindset is still in high school. i feel like i probably already peaked. my dad was a shitty dad. i don't know man. i really don't what the hell to do anymore
I am very depressed and drinking excessively, i feel like i can't stop drinking and i live to drink...
>i don't even like pot anymore.
Is it legal where you live?
>Not being a functioning alcoholic
Full time job, still have the friends I've had for years, good relationship with my remaining family, and I get drunk damn near every day. Get on my level.
no, but it probably will pretty soon. we got a new governor who is dude weed lmao.
that's sounds pretty sweet man. i want to relate. i started drinking pretty young and it got out of hand before i was even of age.
New Jersey? Do you like Dryjacket?
Well if pots not legal where you live then I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
How much vodka do you drink a week and how long has that been going on?
Uoure not an alcoholic if you don't get withdrawal attacks on the day you don't get drunk.
i've never heard of dryjacket, what is that? when i was back home, maybe a pint of vodka night, if i'm day drinking probably double that. nowadays a handle will last me 3 or 4 days.
just checked them out they sound like they know what they're doing and they do it well
I know this might be shocking so brace yourself.
Dryjacket is music. It's a band from New Jersey with an excellent album this year.
Yeah you're in trouble dude. You literally cannot adjust your drinking until you get medical attention which might need to happen like tomorrow. With that amount of alcohol you could have a seizure if you get a withdrawl attack.
maybe you should try better role models user
it seems to me your life is horrible because you ascribe to a very particular set of values that are bad for you. maybe they're not always bad, but they clearly don't work for you
So almost 4 liters of vodka each week?
>conductor I have a problem
probably less than that. at least 2
Do you blackout?
i did a detox and a rehab but i can't fucking stop man. i did acid a couple hours ago and all of this shit is surfacing
Bro why would you do acid when you know how fucked up are? I always go in to a trip with a clear head to avoid all the negative shit.
You're not alone. Except you're actually in my school. I'm a 28 year old NEET that unironicallly bought tix to two Lil Peep shows but had such social anxiety/generalized anxiety etc that I couldn't go. I thought about selling the tix because they were going for 10x the price but I was too anxious to even do that, so I failed completely.
>i want to kill myself daily
>i am watching myself slowly kill myself. all i want to do is drink
>i feel like i can't leave my room unless i'm a little drunk
>i have a strong dislike of people and i notice it becoming stronger when i am sober, that's probably a result of just getting older. i don't think i'm growing anymore, i'm just getting older. my mindset is still in high school.
Exactly the same, man. No one deserves to feel this this way, but I won't lie and say it doesn't feel comforting knowing I'm not the only one like this.
Acid is supposed to be really helpful to treat alcoholism. At least that's the result from the studies in the 50s by our government.
can you give me an example of what kind of values i can dump mine for? i'm still pretty young. i can probably switch up. my parents didn't teach me shit except how to be terrible. i was super edgy and i love ded grips nihilism and nirvana. i idolized kurt and thought he was the coolest and now i'm older and it sucks. i sound like an idiot and i feel stupider typing that.
Minor Threat
what the hell? someone recognized me on the board a couple days ago. how do you know if we go to the same school? also what the hell are you gonna do man? i don't wanna sound rude, but i don't wanna be in the same boat you and i are in when i'm 28. i'm sorry man. shit sucks and peep was bound to make something good eventually. he had an ear.
my friend just gave me half a tab of really high dosed stuff and said fuck it. i drank a liter the night before. it started off fun, ended strange because my friend did a tab and a half and was buggin. i guess i just did it cause free drugs.
...
yes
kurt was cool as fuck but you liked him for the wrong reasons and bought into the mythology
I can life him for any reason I want. Live your own life, don't tell others how to.
then onto fugazi, that should be some kind of jolt.
yeah you're right. i still love nirvanas music. i realize that as i get older. he's still cool is as shit and i liked the theater that's associated with the mythology. i was in high school man, people said i looked like him, so i guess i identified with his image, but i love him for what he was. i think he's one of the best guitarists that ever lived in the same vain as john lennon.
you literally just said it was stupid and you think it sucks now that you're older but yeah okay act all confident
what i mean is that just because he became an object of negativity for you doesn't diminish the positive things he did beyond the heroin shotgun edge shit
I find the negativity attractive. It makes my own life seem better in comparison.
never mind that other post, i thought that other guy was you. but i feel the exact same way about nirvana and kurt except i didn't get into them seriously until i was already 20 so i luckily bypassed falling into the romanticism, or was at least able to keep a healthy distance while appreciating it
what kind of "values" do they "preach"? i enjoy some fugazi and minor threat, i really just listen for dude riffs and dude guitar tone lmao but as i get older it's kinda about the message. i know minor threat was straight edge and into skinhead stuff, but i don't really know much but am interested.
wait were you pretending to be OP or are you just dumb
it's hard to articulate but definitely listen to 13 songs then repeater, which is their best IMO
and don't do it when you're really tired or something
i guess i can say fugazi is definitely well beyond simple shit like "skinhead" and "straight edge" though they are staunchly straight edge
that wasn't op i am op.
but yeah. i used nirvana and the romanticism as something to look at and think it's cool to be addicted to drugs and play guitar. be super edgy and fall into to trying to portray the archetype of being some tortured unkempt artist. i was a loser then and probably a bigger one now.
...
What's the worst thing that's happened? I've woken up to the smoke alarm from putting a plastic tray frozen dinner in the oven.
i guess you're both interesting either way
you sound cute ;;;)())
i've actually done that same thing but i was super day drunk. i think my mom came to hit me so i pushed back hard. i was trying to leave my house one time at 3 am and my grandma wouldn't let me leave so i think i accidentally knocked her over drunkenly. i drank with stolen money. i would scramble for fucking change. and i want to scramble TO change not for it. but i walked to my friends house at 3 am and knocked super loud, woke up his entire family, and passed out on the street. i kept trying to make out with my then girlfriend one time repeatedly and she was not feeling it. in a public park. drinking wine while underaged. a lot of shit man.
Yeah assault and battery of your grandmother qualifies as blackout problems.
Unfortunately my only advice is to keep trying weed. That's what worked for me so its all I know.
goddamn how can I be as cool as you?
it wasn't really assault. i was trying to escape but i was stopped repeatedly. i tried to go under her arms and it didn't work out the way i wanted to. but this is what my family told me. i think my uncle punched me in the face or something.
i like weed, super slowed down though. it makes me feel good and think positively and whatnot, but other times i get extremely pessimistic and anxious and self hating. it can work but i usually end up getting crossfaded. i don't know. it's too much mental effort to be high if you catch what i mean. i have periods of usage and periods of non usage. makes me feel like a piece of shit more often than not
Alcohol is pleb bluepill