The Chinese Fireball...ooooooh!

>The Chinese Fireball...ooooooh!

A fireball, Chinese or otherwise, should have consumed the studio responsible for producing what was one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Why was Hitler in Harry Potter?

Because the English Wizarding World is actually Nazi Germany.

>Didn't show the other champions going up against their dragons

Because the character was described to be very authoritative and strict, therefore HITLER

Also isn't that Osama bin laden next to him? It was a different time I guess

I actually laughed at that when I saw it in the theater

I vividly remember being caught so off guard I kind of snorted really fucking loud and people actually turned around to give me a look

>This old broom's had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time.

What the fuck was the point of having 2 of the 3 tasks in places where the audience couldn't see them? Even though they have seats for all of them? What about the judges? How are they supposed to judge jack shit?

>YES WELL DONE IN THE LAKE TASK, OTHER CHAMPIONS, WELL DONE
>HOWEVER!
>MR POTTER HAS RETURNED WITH EXTRA PEOPLE WHO HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAVE AND WHO WERE IN NO DANGER SO HE GETS BONUS POINTS
>ALSO THE ONLY DISPLAY OF MAGIC HE SHOWED WAS EATING A WEED GIVEN TO HIM BY ANOTHER STUDENT, DOUBLE POINTS FOR MR POTTER

WHY DIDN'T FAKE-MOODY JUST TURN A SCHOOLBOOK INTO A PORTKEY AND HAND HARRY OVER TO VOLDEMORT THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?

Same. I didn't stop laughing

You're so quick! I opened the thread just to post this

...

why do people watch formula 1?

>The Chinese Fireball...ooooooh!
What I say on the toilet after some bad Chinese food

Voldemort is a show off who likes to draw out his appearance. Plus he wanted the world to know he was back

kek

>Plus he wanted the world to know he was back

>proceeds to hide his presence for the entirety of the next book

because the climax of the story had to happen at the end of the tournament, duh

they probably had wizard monitors or a big magic projector.

the books are absolutely chock full of dumb excuses as to why shit just conveniently works. the food in hogwart's basement kitchens is magically teleported to the tables upstairs. the area around quidditch stadiums, etc, have big invisibility domes, and special charms that make muggles walk away, give them a memory wipe, and make them think they just had a regular walk though the woods, etc.

HARRY

HARRY

DIDUPUTURNAMEINTHEGOBLETOFFIYERR?

>they probably had wizard monitors or a big magic projector.
But after the second task the judges had to be told by the merpeople what had happened so that obviously wasn't the case

>just sit here for an hour and watch the lake
Gee, thanks for the great show, Dumbledore.

Did I ever tell you about Snape?

He emotionally tormented and bullied me and my fellow students from a position of power for years because he was bitter my mom didn't like him. He also tried to get an innocent man kissed by dementors because of an old school grudge and revealed a fellow teacher to be a werewolf thus making sure he'll be an outcast and never get a job again.

He was a good friend. And the bravest man I ever knew.

fuck off shillbot

>WHO WERE IN NO DANGER

One might say that, but consider this: Harry knows Dumbledore. He probably asked himself "would Dumbledore let innocent kids die for a school game? yes, yes he would".

This. HP is single handedly responsible for the state of millennial "culture". The fantasy of a magical system where the operator just points and says a word and immense powers are focused for your benefit, without any real effort or risk or expenditure of effort or energy, is the primary seed of the entitlement and hidebound autistry of this generation.

>DUDE HARRY OPEN THE EGG BY GOING INTO THE PREFECT'S BATHROOM WHICH IS TOTALLY PROHIBITED TO YOU, HOPE YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU INVISIBLE BRO LMAO

>WHAT DO YOU MEAN I COULD'VE JUST TOLD YOU TO OPEN THE EGG UNDERWATER IN ANY LOCATION? NO DUDE LMAO PUT YOUR ACADEMIC CAREER AT RISK BY SNEAKING INTO THE PREFECT'S BATHROOM SPECIFICALLY LMAO