The call that saved Hogwarts

The call that saved Hogwarts

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If Voldy is so strong why didn't he just go to take the prophecy?

give me the rundown

>harry clearly lived in the human world for years
>w-wizards doesn't know guns exist

Why did nobody know that his real name was Tom Riddle? If the press was too afraid to say Voldemort (which is pretty stupid since they're nobody is afraid of saying Grindelwald's name even though he was much more dangerous), why not just use his real name instead of You-know-who?

D U L L E S T

He was lying low because he didn't want people to know he was back yet.
They do know they exist.

Is it a good idea if everyone knows he was a Hogwarts student when the only one they could rely on is the Headmaster? To say nothing about Fudge being utterly retard at that point.

I'm talking about before Harry was born, during the first wizarding war.

Calling Tom would probably trigger him

It's the same retarded superstitious thinking that makes Americans not want to say 'Hell' in case by uttering the word they'll get sent there.

Why did Harry always dress so shitty.

Bong fashion sense

Daily reminder Ron gets BLACKED

And what call will save the audience the next time corporate Hollywood forces out another processed Potter turd? Another abomination that corrupts the minds of children and infuses them with bad writing practices? Another adaption of one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Fuck off Quentin

Bravo. Superb opening.

All of Hogwarts vs British Armed Response

who wins?

>imperius mind control
>invisible
>portkey bomb
>teleport
I don't see how normal troopers can win this

He's a superstitious idiot.
Moldy old Voldy should have made a single horcux and hidden it in a safe deposit box in a muggle bank. Divination is rare, sporadic, and non-specific in this setting so nobody's gonna sit down and cast Eyeballio and know where it is, and he could enchant the horcrux itself to be immune to accio JUST in case Harry decides to go to EVERY muggle bank and say "Accio Horcrux".

When he inevitably dies to the boy wonder again, his followers collect the horcrux, revive him, then help him make another one.

This would have the upside of letting him keep more of himself and his power, instead of being split into like 8 different bits of wizard.

He might've been sane and intelligent enough at that point to just take over the standard way, he was certainly talented and charismatic enough to become Minister of Magic.

>asking Slughorn about horcruxes
Why not just go buy a Horcrux Kit on your magic credit card and e-mail the fucking receipt to the ministry?

What did poor widdle Tom have so bad, really? He went from shitty orphan asshole to talented wizard with prospects of a great career.
Too bad he was still a shitty little edgelord with a whole slew of Dark Magic to fuck around with. And with a shitload of Not Dark Magic that's totally cool to use floating around.

Severus had it far worse, nobody liked him and the girl he loved was hot for some dickhead.
All he did was dabble in a little darkness (probably never to be used, just a vent) and then get twisted and corrupted by Riddle.

Hagrid was basically an outcast freak with forbidden hobbies, he can't have been overly popular. He didn't go on a rampage of wrecked little corpses, or even ever hurt anyone.

Tom Riddle was a little bitch.

Also,
WHY HAS NOBODY FUCKING THOUGHT OF A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE WIZARDS?
Too fucking stupid to see the value of not hiding, and combining technology with magic, also no more "impure bloodlines" racist crap because everyone is a wizard so fuck off.

Apparently the Wizards would get BTFO, despite the fact they shouldn't

>Moldy old Voldy should have made a single horcux and hidden it in a safe deposit box in a muggle bank. Divination is rare, sporadic, and non-specific in this setting so nobody's gonna sit down and cast Eyeballio and know where it is, and he could enchant the horcrux itself to be immune to accio JUST in case Harry decides to go to EVERY muggle bank and say "Accio Horcrux".
Items can no protected against accio and it was explained that Voldemort is far too proud to do something as proud as creating impossible to find horcruxes out of random trinkets, instead preferring artifacts with a rich history.

>When he inevitably dies to the boy wonder again, his followers collect the horcrux, revive him, then help him make another one.
>This would have the upside of letting him keep more of himself and his power, instead of being split into like 8 different bits of wizard
He was capped out on horcruxes. 7 is the most powerful magical number, which is probably why he shit the bed when he accidentally made a horcrux out of Harry, tearing himself apart in the process.

>WHY HAS NOBODY FUCKING THOUGHT OF A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE WIZARDS?
Too fucking stupid to see the value of not hiding, and combining technology with magic, also no more "impure bloodlines" racist crap because everyone is a wizard so fuck off.
You need some degree of magic blood to use proper magic, if you dilute it too much then it'll probably stop working in the long run.

threadly reminder

What font is this?

>>WHY HAS NOBODY FUCKING THOUGHT OF A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE WIZARDS

Why has nobody thought of a way to make everyone white. Well, that one guy did.

>Why not just go buy a Horcrux Kit on your magic credit card and e-mail the fucking receipt to the ministry?
Wizards hate Muggle shit, Arthur was seen as a weird man for liking common stuffs such as cars or telephones and I doubt people would sell that shit for a teenager without noble bloodline or shit like that
Harry was borderline retard in some moments but at least he gets his shit and mind right, going for that slut Ginny is definitely a mistake though

Adobe Garamond Pro

Tsar Bomba
Or
Fukushima's unprecendented radiation levels

Why not just vanish the shit before you even shit it?

Easy with the edge. H. E. Double hockey sticks will suffice.

>Tsar Bomba
>What is Apparition
They can probably mind control the president if they play it dirty

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How many layers of irony is this?

The great Gatsby was a shit book

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