He lost his virginity to an incredibly old and used hag

>He lost his virginity to an incredibly old and used hag
I would rather stay a virgin to be honest

I would try everything at my disposal to fuck that jailbait Kat Dennings.

Steve Carrell just isn't funny. I never really got the hype around this flick.

Hnnnngggggg.....you just reminded me about the best part of that movie. Her tits were so bouncy.....so healthy.

If you could with one actress, who would it be.
I'd go with fan Bingbing

Literally Why: The movie.

I remember there was a very young girl who also wanted to have sex with him but she just disappeared for no reason mid-film.

I would fuck your sister in the ass

>I would rather stay a virgin to be honest
The 62 year old wizard

Just wait until she turns into a thicc jew MILF and gets that *just* right amount of sag I'm fucking drooling

pics?

I have no sister faggot

>giving up a comfy neet life for a middle-aged single mom
If you reach this point, you might as well just stay alone

it was a missed opportunity to not have them hook up and have a gag where he cums while titfucking her, thus remaining a virgin

Just wait 9 months

Don't worry, OP. You will.

...

yeah and he fails ot make her cum the first time, so she is disappointed. hopefully, he is eager to please so he goes for a second round.

Why did I feel like the older one would be the better fuck

>getting the teachers in trouble
It's only wrong if the chick is underaged, so this guy fucked up by snitching.

You will be a virgin much later than 40.

WHERE WERE ALL THESE HORNY TEACHERS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER HOLY SHIT IM MAD RIGHT NOW BRAH

>me in two years

>fuck and marry nice MILF
>rape Kat Dennings
Win/Win

The closest I can even get to this fantasy is fapping to Jenna Haze, since she looks just like my old highschool spanish teacher.

You know the only reason the kid got caught is because he was high-fiving every single one of his friends after it happened.

If you fuck your teacher, you can't tell anyone until you're 20. By then no one will care.

OP may be trolling but she WAS a used up hag. She even admitted she only dated assholes in her past. Now's she settled for simple. That's what all women do

Fucking Chads, duh

Same here, h-heh.

and get this: HE WAS BLACK

they were there, you just weren't hot enough

Yeah man, being a 40 year old virgin manchild who rides his bike to his shitty best buy job, he could have done so much better

>You should throw away your hobbies and interests to provide for a used up roastie and a teenage daughter that isn't yours

>neet life
He had a full time job though

there is literally nothing wrong with being a 40 year old virgin manchild

yeah he had a job where he would come in and hang out the boys and have somewhat fun at work. I wish I had that everyone at my works a boring loser.

I guess as long as your coworkers don't find out

There is also literally nothing wrong with being a 40 year old normal woman who has had sex

literally this the Jews have really fucked societies perception of sex is for everyone. Back in the old days only like 40% of males would ever have sex and pass of genes the rest died virgins and didn't care.

>Back in the old days only like 40% of males would ever have sex and pass of genes the rest died virgins and didn't care.

wtf source?

Do 60% of women end up used up old cat ladies?

The problem with not doing much with your life is that other people might decide that you should be used to help fix up someone else's life.
>Oh, Bob isn't busy. Maybe he can marry Stephanie and help her with those kids. She has such bad luck with men.

No. Only 30%. You needed a lot of extra women to replace the ones who died in child birth.

there should be a government program to give virgins a chance to fuck 15 year old girls

discuss this hypothetical policy

Yes there is. It's called converting to Islam.

Sounds like one of my Chinese cartoon comics.

You typed this the other day and never gave a source. Fuck off and stop making excuses, virgy.

Mashallah!

I was 19 years old when this movie came out. My sister saw it before me. She would constantly tell me that I remind her of the character in the film. Saying I was going to end up just like him.

I'm going to be 31 in a few months, and I've made zero progress. In fact, I might be even further away from sex today. I'm afraid the bitch had me figured out. I want to change, but don't know how.

lift and be an arrogant cunt faggot

Pay a prostitute if you just want to stop being a virgin. It'll be shit.

If you want meaningful sex with someone important to you, or just casual sex with cunts you hook up with on the street, change everything about yourself.

Great advice. I never thought about changing myself before. I figured I would just stay exactly the way I am, and women would fall on my dick.

I honestly want the intimacy more than anything. A real hug would feel nice right about now.

my fucking dink lads

Then become huggable.

The only reason any girl is gonna make you feel loved, unless shes a hooker or a golddigger, is because you are somewhat likable.

Be attractive.
Be wealthy.
Be respected.
Be assertive.
Be confident in your sexuality.

After that you'll be fine.

I'm guessing you're probably just too scared to put yourself out there. Are you horrendously ugly or obese? If not, just make a profile on a dating site and you'll start chatting with potential girlfriends within a week.

>literally complaining about being a virgin

just fug some whores

roasties aren't all that great

Thanks for the list of duhs.

Scared yea. A shut-in. Not ugly, not obese. Been told I'm fairly handsome. Just can't deal with being social.
DEFINITELY not using a dating site. I looked at a dating site once out of curiosity, and found a girl I knew on there. And the crazy thing is, she was interested in me. But I never reciprocated, so that went nowhere. I didn't want her to know I was on a dating site. I don't want anyone to know.

>I looked at a dating site once out of curiosity, and found a girl I knew on there. And the crazy thing is, she was interested in me. But I never reciprocated, so that went nowhere. I didn't want her to know I was on a dating site. I don't want anyone to know.

Why do you shoot yourself in the foot?

>I didn't want her to know I was on a dating site. I don't want anyone to know.

I was like this the first time someone I knew saw me on tinder. Then she matched me and I acted like a faggot. She wanted to suck my cock.

So what people see you're on tinder? You're a guy who likes to get his dick sucked right? What's bad about that?

>Be confident in your sexuality.

You don't want people to know you're available and looking? Doesn't sound like you want any sort of relationship at all. Just continue retreating into sports and movies and shit.

>I would rather stay a virgin to be honest
I suspect your wish will come true

Lock them up

I don't feel like I'm ready. In fact, I know I'm not. I'm not making enough money, and barely have the means to do anything. Tinder? I don't even have a smartphone, let alone Tinder. I just need to get my shit together first. Yes, I know, I'm a fucking loser too. That's only a fraction of the problem though. Because even during better times, I was still asocial.

In a weird way, I'm trying to become more social via twitch. Believe me. It's a step in the right direction. Compared to not talking at all for weeks.

If you're not a chad, Tinder will disappoint you.

Yeah well you (seemingly) understand what to do. Do it, accept it will take months. Plan ahead.

What does being a Chad entail? I have pretty decent facial aesthetics. Not a model or anything, but I've been told I look good. On the skinny side though, but working on it currently.

I don't know how to get over the fear though. I can make more money, and work out, and all that. But what about actually putting myself out there?

>I don't know how to get over the fear though. I can make more money, and work out, and all that. But what about actually putting myself out there?

Study stoicism? Recognise that what other people think is immaterial and you can only derive value from within?

If the whole world decided that was ugly, would she become ugly? No. She could let the world tell her she's ugly or trust herself.

Once you trust yourself you won't have to rely on other peoples assessments of you to determine your value.

No matter who you are or what you accomplish people are going to take digs at you. The President of America is under constant attack, so is Bernie Sanders, so is Clinton, so is every CEO. If they let the attack change how they thought about themselves they'd become fucking useless sacks of shit. Instead they keep going, confidently, and the same people who hate them call them arrogant assholes who are out of touch. You will always have these people. Learning to deal with it is difficult for almost everyone, but supremely important if you want to not be a fucking retard.

You'll change your mind when you're a 40 year old virgin

You're 31? When you need to learn to swim sometimes it's best to just dive into the deep end. I know people in their mid-30's that still live at home and get laid. Literally just get over your anxiety, make a profile, and go from there.

>just be urself lmao

There is, however, everything wrong with being a 40 year old single mom who NOW thinks the time is right to find her knight in shining armour, after having been round the cock carousel at least 50 times.

Anyone who is desperate enough to fuck that is simply pathetic.

Are there any women specifically interested in taking a man's virginity?

Does a man being a virgin matter more to women than the opposite?

Fuck all this shit.

>don't work out
>bad face
>shit job
go after 5-6/10's exclusively. It's so easy they even laugh at all my stupid jokes because they are so starved for attention.

That's pretty good advice, user. Unfortunately, I don't think it applies to me. Because I do understand that what people say or think ultimately doesn't matter. But it doesn't help to calm the waves of anxiety.

I'm starting to sound woe-is-me now. So I'm going to stop now.

I winder what the ratio of men to women teachers having sex with students of the opposite gender is

Only Sup Forums or muslims care about women being virgins. No one sane gives a fuck because virgins are probably going to be pretty damn awful at sex.

fpbfuckingp

>implying she hasn't said that same thing to 50 white knights

user pls.

That's the normal way to live, we evolved to care what the other tribe members thought of us lest we get annexed and die.

It's a different world and you have to take consistent purposeful action to make your mind work better now that people don't matter very much. You could survive without anyone if you had some money and a brain.

lol roastie

for a girl to be good at sex she just needs to be attractive. what magical skills is the whore learning? she can grind you 'better'? at best she's better at giving head. if you will trade a pure clean hot virgin for a potentially better blow job you're nuts.

I don't want to survive without anyone. I've been doing that for too long. It hurts. I want some fucking love and affection.

I feel so feeble, like I'm dying. I'm dying of isolation.

>For a girl to be good at sex she just needs to be attractive
t. Virgin
Are you really that insecure in your own infedelity that you require your mate to be "pure"

Kill your sister.

It's basically the opposite for men and women

The more girls you fuck the higher your SMV is

hahaha fat old hole

What does insecurity have to do with wanting the best. Nothing

All things being equal a virgin is better

>for a girl to be good at sex she just needs to be attractive

Hahahahahaha
Oh man I really hope you talk like this in real life too

t. 7/10 starfish

People like you need to be branded so the rest of us know what we're getting into. I'd rather edge for 3 hours.

What magic skills does the whore have the virgin doesn't?

The whore knows how to fuck and has no dignity. If you don't understand this you're a virgin.

Catherine Keener seems cool though. I liked her in Being John Malkovich.

Define exactly what 'how to fuck' improves by having sex

The girl learns what? Does that make her pussy nice and tight? I'm learning a lot from you used up holes

Experience. Have you ever gotten a bad blow job? no?

have you ever had a blowjob? kek

Don't worry, you will.

Don't bother trying to understand it.
Lose your virginity, fuck a few times and you'll get it.
Yes, they can actually make you cum faster or harder because they know how to do it. Seriously are you retarded? Do you think that fucking is the single one activity on earth you won't get better at if you're doing it for long enough?

that 'one secret trick to awesome sex'

don't bother, people elevate a loose vagina as a badge of honor and howl against anyone who characterizes slutty behavior as shameful

Rekt her senpai

>WHERE WERE ALL THESE HORNY TEACHERS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
fucking your Chad schoolmates

I never understood why people would not want a virgin, sure I guess for one-night stand type of deals you'd want an experienced woman to show you a good time, but for relationships it's statistically proven that women with less partners are better for the long run.

I just don't get why people wouldn't want a virgin and mold them to their liking as opposed to wanting a woman who has had multiple sex partners before. It boggles my mind.

I guess to bring it full circle, he was the virgin she was looking for to mold into her liking as a father to her daughters.

Denial is the reason

It's like guys getting upset when they discover girls want to fuck hot rich guys

b-but I can offer you things the hot rich guy can't, just like the used up whore can offer the man!