Save my career Cruise edition

Tom Cruise approaches you and says
>look I need to revamp my image. The Mummy has crushed me, all the virgins on the internet are trashing me. I want you to be my agent, I was offered these three roles which one should I choose? Main antagonist in Saw 8, Main protagonist in Pineapple Express 2, Main antagonist in Borderlands the movie.

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Easy peasy Tom.

1- Make Top Gun 2 vs. Aliens
2 - Make a movie about the producer from Tropic Thunder
3 - Play Handsome Jack in the Borderlands movie

Ok so borderlands it is!

Tom, give us at least one more sci fi kino buddy.
thanks, your fans.

Make sure to staple that mask to his face, and when he bleeds out, hire a team of puppeteers to move him around like he's still alive.

Unironically needs to make the Scientology origin story.

If he embraces his crazy, I could see it working.

Borderlands has a huge austitic fanbase who would pay to see AIDSbot and Moxxi's tits on screen

Main antagonist in Saw 8 would be kino.

Borderlands is the only thing Gearbox can't fuck up and they are good at fucking up. That's guaranteed bank and a cinematic universe kino.

Tropic Thunder sequel with his character as the main protagonist

Hey now

Make him play the cowboy in a reboot of the Indian in the Cupboard.

Didn't the Scientologists tell him he's immortal?
So he's probably not planning a retirement.

>I'M SLIDIN OVER CARS WHILE I SHOOT
>I THINK THAT I'M TOM CRUISE

youtu.be/k4tQGd65bqc?t=3m43s

big dick playa

He is immortal! A new wife will be chosen soon and she will be a young Hollywood starlet. Word is it's Emma Stone.

"Tom, just redo the Mummy but join her in the end as her immortal king and lover."

be the new wolverine

don't have to stand on applebox for once

Who would play moxxie?

On the topic of #1, he's attached to a live action adaptation of the Japanese novel Yukikaze.

>implying Tom won't be alright the moment we get footage of his MI6 crazy stunt

I'm betting on him jumping out of a rocket straight into the sea where he will dive 100 meters deep to retrieve a bomb covered in spikes.

>All these people picking Borderlands

Video game movies are invariably awful. It's a law of nature.

I don't know I think the cocaine movie will be the one that brings him back might even get him some noms.

>Tom "I am so sick of all these shit roles. What have you got for me?"

>Agent "Hey Tom how about playing the Brendan Fraser character from the Mummy movie?"

>Tom "But isn't he like... JUST?"

>Agent "He was but he's doing much better now. Universal Picture are rebooting the classic horror movie franchise and they need to you make it cum diamonds."

>Tom "I like cum. But didn't Universal already try to reboot this shit before?"

>Agent "Oh you mean Van Helsing with Hugh Jackman?"

>Tom "That was so gay."

>Agent "Or The Wolfman with Benicio del Toro?"

>Tom "That was beyond retarded."

>Agent "Or Dracula Untold?"

>Tom "That film made me want to go out and kill people then throw myself into an actual river made up of vomit and diarrhoea. I have a headache now."

>Agent "Well don't worry this technically be a sequel to The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power with that old dude that used to play the Hulk in the 70's."

>Tom "This is gonna work."

>Agent "This is gonna so work."

>Tom "The kids are gonna love it."

>Agent "The kids are gonna love you, Tom."

>Tom "I am cumming already."

>Agent "I know. I love you."

>Tom "I love me too."

Hey don't post that picture here or we will get hacked by the elite Scientology hackers. They are alerted every time it's posted here.