Heroes For Hire vol 1 Storytime (Part 2

Welcome back Anons! Last time, we saw Iron Fist form a new Heroes for Hire, with himself, Hercules, and the new White Tiger.
Tonight, let's see if they can recruit a few more members...

The humorous narrator is one of the bits I liked about this series.

All New my foot. It's still the same Dane Whitman that'd been around since forever, having survived being turned into a statue, fighting in the Crusades twice, an evil alternate reality version of himself, and a stint in the Ultraverse fighting I think (going by ads) the Phoenix boosted by Infinity Gems?

Maybe I'm just so jaded from the other books, but the fourth wall breaking narrator always makes me laugh.

That title logo looks so added in post.

To be fair, he's not using the Ebony Blade anymore, he's using the "Sword of Light" and the "Shield of Night".

You'll see what that means in this issue, I believe.

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When fucking HERCULES is saying your plan is bad, you should probably rethink things.

Wow, did Danny just punch his hand APART?

So now there's a Suicide Squad storytime too to boot. When will the madness end?!

So yeah, this is a unique ability to these weapons. So at least there's some truth to that "All-New" title.

He hadn't used the Ebony blade in years.
For most of the 90s up to this point, he straight up built himself a lightsaber.

Nah, that makes sense. Whatever makes Nitro reform is clearly Chi-reliant, and getting Iron Fisted disrupted his hand chi.

When somebody storytimes Ostrander's Spectre run, obviously.

Could the lightsaber do that trick he did over ?

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>He makes his maid/henchmen wear the same dorky helmets

How many other supervillains who have genocide as part of their plan factor in the problems with the corpses?

At least he offers dental

If you read X-user's storytime of Alpha Flight, you'd know this.
You ARE reading his storytimes, right?

Not only that, he seems reasonable for a supervillain who wants to kill millions.

I am. But I skip the Alpha Flight ones since they're boring since Mantlo came on board

For those of you who aren't regular followers, back during Byrne's Namor run, his company Oracle outright BOUGHT Rand-Meachum, so Danny technically works for Namor, at least when writers remember that.
The bearded man here is Jim "Human Torch" Hammond, the man who killed Hitler by burning him alive.

That was back during Byrne's run.

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Turns out she's called the White Tiger for a reason!

I know, I'm just saying

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>Red pants

Oh shit, Danny's an evil ficus again!

>"Let me handle this, Rand."
>gets thrown even further than the others

Well, I think that we get Wanda Langowski in the next Alpha storytime thread, that's fun.

Man, Herc is looking straight up evil in that fourth panel.

Normally I'd post about how Danny was able to drop HERCULES with one blow to the face, but that's probably the booze.

Herc is taking the death of his best bro Thor hard.

Also, with no Avengers and no Eric Masterson, I think he may actually be homeless.

I feel like Herc's whole "depression over the Avengers dying", especially when he thinks Thor should've lived instead of him could've been built up more.

And now Luke has a new costume. I guess people fought the yellow silk shirt too silly.

>Hercules still on the front cover

I'm sorry Narrator! The projector crapped out in the movie, and we had to annoy the narrator to see who broke out Harley Quinn in the end!

Okay, next thread I'm going to read through the issues ahead of time and check for any double-pages.

Probably just too dated.
It was very, very disco.

This is a good look. Better than anything he ever got under Bendis.

Are you serious? That's awful. And you missed the mid-credits scene I guess

What'd you think of the movie anyway?

We saw it eventually, and got free tickets for another movie. I even got to get a laugh out of the audience when I yelled, just before Joker unmasked "SPOILERS: IT'S SUPERMAN!"
It was fun, but I don't see movies often, so I'm easily amused by jangling keys on a screen.

>Better than anything he ever got under Bendis.

The closest to a costume Bendis ever gave him was the look from Cage MAX, which apparently Bendis didn't know wasn't canon to 616.

I know Bendis doesn't read other books, but he knew enough to know that he wanted Cage to dress exactly like that, but didn't know that Luke explicitly WASN'T bulletproof.

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Huh, when did Danny ever fight this guy?

>It was fun, but I don't see movies often, so I'm easily amused by jangling keys on a screen.
That's fine, personally I couldn't care less about critics or the DCEU or any of that shit, only that Ostrander liked it. That makes it an alright movie in my book, at the very least

And yes I am aware that Ostrander may have shit taste in movies but come on, the man wrote nearly 80 issues of Suicide Squad

It's the 90's, so of course they think she's a mutant.

The irony that X-fags would be annoyed, to say the least, if she said "Inhuman" (they really need a slur for those fuckers) is hilarious

>"Misty and Danny have this off-and-on thing going, currently it looks like the electricity is on!"

Remember Anons, Misty and Danny have been broken up before. Have hope, they'll be back together again one day.

Well "Inhuman" can't be shortened easily. Maybe something referencing the cocoons?

Cocoon coon. Something tells me Marvel wouldn't go for that one

>"I'm going to threaten my boss who wants to rule the world!"
>"This can't possibly end poorly for me!"

That'd be too "real". Remember how triggered people got when someone made a post about "God Loves, Man Kills" having the word "nigger" in it?

Another reference to that one-shot that X-user is going to be posting in a few months.

>Remember how triggered people got when someone made a post about "God Loves, Man Kills" having the word "nigger" in it?

But that's just Kikey Pryde antagonizing people for being less perfect than her.

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Is Kitty one of the few mutants who hasn't actually died, or should we count the giant bullet that didn't even pretend she was seriously dead?

>"You always some off like such a street-tough guy, Cage. How come you swear like such a wuss?"
>"My grandmother didn't like me to swear."

One of the earliest attempts to explain his catch phrase.

Damn it Dane! Shouldn't the Heroes For Hire have intel on their powers?

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X-user's gonna have a fair bit of Black Knight, I think.
He's still an Avenger come Bloodlines, and he's like the main Marvel character when the Phoenix show up in the Ultraverse (where Juggy ends up with Marvel's first team of Exiles.)

God damn it White Tiger, you ALWAYS turn into a Tiger.

I need to actually find a good torrent for the Ultraverse, because Adam Warlock goes there, and I can't find anything on what issues he was in.

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Avengers Unplugged #5 was the first time Genis-Vell ever met Monica Rambeau.
The Controller made her fight Genis, but eventually he helped her get free, and they later talked about who would get to keep the name "Captain Marvel", and she decided he can while she would be Photon.

The SECOND time they met, Monica flipped her shit, because Genis decided he would be Photon now, even though he was there when Monica took that name.
It's one of my greatest hopes that Ewing brings Genis back in Ultimates, and he steals her name AGAIN, only for her to put her foot down this time.

Oh shit the Celestials?!

Do you want to keep the letters pages?

A two-parter, huh?

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Huh, so he did have a lightsaber.

Spoilers for the Exodus/Black Knight one-shot that X-user will be running.

What Ostrander couldn't have known in 1996 is that in 20 years, Marvel would reach the deepest depths of their asses in an attempt to make her important.

Well, technically it was a "plasma sword" but yeah, lightsaber. They should bring it back now, it'd be funny. Maybe even make it literally an orange lightsaber that somehow ended up in the Marvel U

>"Don't be embarrassed on my account. Actually, I think it's cool you can turn into a tiger."

Danny is too pure for this world.

>the soda machine is speaking

Holy shit, Luke Cage's original arch-enemy has returned!

Oh, and I guess we got some of White Tiger's backstory, but whatever, who cares about that, when we've got the return of the soda machine!

And it STILL hates him.

Come on Luke, don't be a double agent!

>"It's about the REAL reason I started Heroes for Hire."

How ominous.

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A soda machine that Jim is apparently trying to talk to in a comedy bit right out of Red Dwarf.

Remember, he IS a machine himself. It's clearly working.

Wait, the golden statue is alive?

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So have the Eternals done anything lately?

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>She offers gold as payment
>"Sure, why not."

Man, that's one hell of a bet. Just imagine if it drowns on the way, and you have to explain you're the idiot who drowned a pegasus.

I mean, it WORKED, but still, imagine if you fucked that up.

Nope. I'd rather see them pushed instead of the shithumans, but alas

You know making MORE gold only devalues it, right?

Can YOU answer the question?

If you can't get the fuck out.

I feel like on the small scale, it wouldn't devalue it enough to not be a valid payment.

Granted, I'm no economist, so what the fuck do I know?

Special Guest Hero? Who could it be?

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Spider-Man? Wolverine? Spiderverine?

Oh wait they're not important to be advertised on the cover, nevermind.

Or maybe they're trying to keep it a twist?

God damn it White Tiger, can you go ONE fight without turning back to a tiger?

Although if she did THAT more often, maybe I wouldn't keep making fun of her for changing.