Heroes For Hire vol 1 Storytime (Part 4) and Intermission

Welcome back Anons! Before we go to the Siege of Wundagore, I'm sure you're wondering what Danny did when he left last thread. Let's find out, shall we?

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Given how casual-friendly Marvel is trying to be now, I realize Marvel hasn't taken the time to write out what SHIELD means in modern stories like they used to.

By the way, JSAnon came back! Have you all been in the thread to say hi?

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Welp, good thing I have no clue who this guy is. It means I don't care when he gets fucking murdered.

>Iron Fist with second person narration

Man, it feels like it's been forever since we saw that, hasn't it?

>"Did you see that big green bird?"

Kid, you're either blind or an idiot. Maybe both.

Do you think he does private dances for Misty?

Literally who?

>That ass pinch

And in case you don't remember Danny's origin story...

This mini reads a lot like Jurgens read just the pre-Luke solo series.

JSA storytimes? They've been doing regular storytimes for years.

Cap villain. Member of the Serpent Society. One of the less evil ones I think, or else he at least had a thing for Diamondback.

Pages like this make me think that Jugens read ONLY Iron Fist's first solo, and not much after.

Well, Narration Box was trying to do it with White Tiger that one time.

Narration Box doesn't count, because he was doing that to be a cheeky fucker.

Hey, long time no see Joy. I guess you got better after you got Super Skrull'd.

>Private Dancer
>Dancer for Misty
>He'll do what she wants him to do

I mean, I can't fault the guy, he's doing more research than some modern Marvel writers (like how Kaare Andrews didn't even know this character EXISTED when he wrote The Living Weapon), but Danny buried the hatchet with Joy later on, even helping to get her dickbag uncle locked away.

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Holy shit, it's been a while since we saw Scimitar! Remember? He's the guy with a sword... and that was his entire gimmick.

>Marvel writers doing any research
l0l
It's why I think their claim of having a single unified continuity is a joke

>He has hidden knives now

Well, that's a new trick.

One good thing about these long-term storytimes is that, if you're around from the start, you can see the continuity fuck-ups. It's always fun when you know more than the writer. But as I said, we've got Bendis in the future, I can't be too harsh on Jurgens.

>"My sister! Alive!"

For those of you who don't recall, when we last saw her, she was being reduced to a dried up prune of a corpse, near unrecognizable, after being used as nutrition by sentient plant-people for years.

Yeah but that happened in an otherwise unconnected Namor book and we know from reading it that it was basically just Byrne being Byrne, and if anyone knows how to just write around Byrne being Byrne, it's probably one of the mainstays of the Triangle Era Superman.

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Not quite. Remember, even back during the Busiek run on Power Man and Iron Fist, Joy got over her hatred for Danny, and at the end of the run even refused to cover for her uncle when he was part of a plan to kill Danny.

That said, Joy's last appearance was in his Namor, where she was mind controlled by the Super Skrull, and then flipped her shit when Namor bought out her company from under her, so yeah, Byrne did her wrong regardless.

I don't know how Secret Wars (2015) was their first attempt at retconning away discrepancies. At least Post-Crisis DC had Zero Hour and Infinite Crisis for their major retcons without rebooting their universe, Marvel went for god knows how long just retconning shit without explanation

Wait, didn't he come back during the Halwan arc? Or am I thinking of a different generic sword wielding enemy?

Also, huh, in looking up Halwan's name, I found this: marvunapp.com/Appendix2/masterkhankunlun.htm
The boat thing Khan did in Namor is actually a callback to his first appearance, as an evil wizard in a one off story in Strange Tales.

I was never actually able to find that issue, otherwise I would've considered storytiming it.

It isn't their first one, but it IS the first to be a line-wide event. My favorite is Avengers Forever, which can be summarized as "Busiek and Perez take 12 issues to explain away some of the more convoluted Avengers plot points."

How did she ever end up on somebody's weird basement sex couch? Even before turning into mulch, she lived in another dimension.

Well, they TRIED to escape to Earth. But either way, as I know this story and how it goes, it isn't poor continuity, it's a mystery that they explain.
And THAT is a real problem with writing comics I find. You can't tell if a writer is leaving inconsistencies to explain later as part of a mystery, or if they genuinely don't know they're getting facts wrong.

Dude, you're a midget (or little person, or whatever the fuck the term is now), meaning you're in prime testicle punching height. Take Scimitar the fuck out on your own.

This is like trying to get Spider-Man to work for you by threatening to kill the Green Goblin.

Hey, not every dwarf is going to be as badass as Eugene Judd.

Some of them have to be craven cowards that smell like Danny Devito going method on the Penguin.

>Some of them have to be craven cowards that smell like Danny Devito going method on the Penguin.
That's a horrifying mental image and I feel sad that you are cursed with the knowledge of what that smells like.

>Hey, not every dwarf is going to be as badass as Eugene Judd.
And he's not even a real dwarf.
THey tried to warn me but nobody could prepare me to how fucking stupid that story was

There was a surprising amount of character to these two, given that they died in a flashback and even the creator never used them or mentioned them after the flashback was over.
It seemed like they were just another example of "K'un Lun fucking sucks".

Man, SHIELD's defenses are shit if they can't even take out a dude flying in via KITE.

Although apparently their defenses are better once they get on the tower, but still. Invest in some AA guns, you know?

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I was joking earlier, but it seems like they really did have few defenses for Spider-Man.

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Man, SHIELD agents are kind of shit at their jobs.

>"Iron Fist is good, but no one's THAT good."

Why are these SHIELD agents dressed in green and yellow?

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They heard Iron Fist was coming, and just wanted to fit in.

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It's SHIELD, they're only competent when they're abducting and abusing mutant detainees.

I wish I was joking, they're straight up jobbers almost any other time.

>"I can take care of this goon myself!"

I was wondering why she didn't do anything by now. Remember, she made her appearance beating the stuffing out of a bunch of K'un Lun warriors.

Jobbing is one thing, but that? They didn't even cut his damn clothes.

>"Death Sting was Joy Meachum all along"

DUN DUN DUN

This is getting kinda incest-y.

I've been playing a lot of Fire Emblem Fates, where half the love interests in the game are either your birth family or your adoptive family. So I'm kind of seeing incent vibes everywhere, but at least I'm not the only one to see it this time.

Looks like Master Khan missed a few when he killed them all.

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I love how Danny is feeling vengeful now, more than normally, and her first thought was "Oh god they undressed me" before anything else.

Given how skintight that costume is, I'm kind of glad we don't see that face on her body.

>"Who knows what those freakos will do to me next?"

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking, but I get the feeling Jurgens wants Danny and Joy together.

>"They caught me, drugged me, and put me in this get-up so Danny would attack me."

Not THAT long a story.

Detective Danny, ladies and gentlemen.

And another flashback to what we've already been told.

I've always been amazed that Iron Fist never received a EXTREME ongoing like Cage did.

With Van Damme around martial arts films were definitely in vogue back in the 90's.

And now, the rest of the story.

He got a miniseries and was a major feature in Marvel Comics presents though.
They were all shit though. Like, even Cage's solo was better despite that joke of a villain "Hardcore".

>"Earlier today I caught Malik smoking an extremely unique brand of cigar."
>Quesada Tiggering intensifies

Why the fuck would a super spy like Fury smoke a distinctive cigar that could be recognized by scent alone?!

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WHY DOES SHIELD HAVE ASSAULT HANG GLIDERS?!

So their agents can go "WAHOOOO!"

Remember Anons, while Danny was thought by the outside world to be dead, he was really trapped in one of those pods for the entire time.
Due to comic time we have no idea how long that was, but it could be anywhere between months and a year.

Isn't that what the jetpacks they used to have are for?

No no no, those are for "YAHOOOO!"s. Different yell.

>"If the H'ylthri die, we die too!"

So either Danny saves the world from these Swamp Thing rejects, or saves his sister.

And now we know how Miranda Rand and Conal are alive. Mystery solved.

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So that ending was a downer.

OR WAS IT?!

The Hylthri have always been my least vavorie part of the Iron Fist mythos. I don't really feel like the fact that K'un-Lun, a kung-fu fantasy city, is on a planet of B-movie plant men really adds a whole lot to the mythology.

And then this character never showed up again. The end!

Because Fraction was right, SHIELD was Hydra all along.

Wait, the base STOPS exploding when it seems the intruder gets away? What a shitty security system.

All right Anons, I haven't slept all day, so I'm thinking of calling it a night with the end of that series.
Tomorrow we'll hopefully make it through the entire Siege of Wundagore crossover.

See you Anons then.

I mean, they could at least be more fantasy-style plant monsters.

Zodiac in the mid-90s also brainwashed Madison Jeffries into half a Gemini, so this means little.

thanks a lot, you fucking faggot

Danny and Joy is more acceptable to me than Misty and Luke.

>Shippinsky

Oh god, this whole thing is just an elaborate SHIELD plot to get Danny and Joy to fuck.

Better question: why aren't they using SHIELD Wingsuits, which have been a thing forever.

I mean, yeah, but even fantasy style plant monsters seem more in line with some western fantasy, like Dungeons and Dragons, more than something that belongs in a mystical kung-fu story. It just seems so uninspired, and I see that a lot in Claremont's work when he comes onto another book, that he doesn't really work to match the tone of the individual line, he just puts in generic "Marvel stuff".

Shenanigans.

Ugh. Any other Cliches you want to use. Maybe dangle the girls over a vat of acid or tie them to a railroad.

Or maybe Danny can tell him he won't get away with this.