Middle of the night, heavy rain outside

>middle of the night, heavy rain outside
>hear knocks on your front door
>open it and see this
>"Hi, sorry for waking you but we're lost and our phones are dead, could we come in?"
What do?

Fuck them both and get buried in my backyard.

Call a SWAT team. Judging from having seen the movie they are literally unstoppable.

Nigga just punch them in the face

OMG Lexi Belle im a huge fan

Respond
"You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat these eggs."

Feed them eggs. Always feed them eggs, it's for their own good.

"Uh, I can make white stuff come out of me."

They just told you what happened

I live in Honduras so I would close and bolt the door because there is a 95% chance they are assassins

Show them your record collection then fuck their brains out

Ask them what phones they have, if it's apple shit I drain my piss jar on them.

Quite honestly? Politely decline and close the door cause I am not taking ANY fucking chances.

I don't answer the door at night unless I'm expecting someone.

>Le human centipede
epic win, OP!!!

I thought so too but it's from a movie called Knock Knock.

Say yes hoping they'll rape me

Dont be a pussy faggot take a chance some time

They said they did this a lot, right? Were they never worried hey were gonna stumble into some psycho's house who has been secretly killing prostitutes for the past few years.

Actually, that could make for a good sequel. They try this shit again, but instead get tortured, raped repeatedly, then eventually killed and cut up.

The only people that knock on stranger's doors late at night are never up to anything good.

Ana de Armas is the most perfect human speciman I have ever scene

>roastbeef
no

Don't breathe sequel?

IT WAS FREE PIZZA!!!

This
Last year some beaner in cholo garb knocked on my door around 1-2 am.
I looked out the peephole to see who it was and went back to bed because I didn't know him and definitely didn't want to know what he needed at that time of night.
He keeps knocking for another minute or two and stops, I look out my yard afterwards and see this faggot trying to break into my truck.
Grab my AR, tell my wife to call 911 and run out there, get out there yell and ask him what the hell he thinks hes doing and he looks like a fucking deer caught in headlights.
After about 5 seconds of him staring at my gun he tells me he was wondering if I was selling the truck which is why he was knocking and was now just looking inside to see it more
I told him to get the fuck out and not come back
Cops showed up and told us that was going on around the neighborhood recently

let them in and beat them up and rape them. After about 5 days on consistent rape, kill them and consume them like a piece of ham.

You wouldn't want to watch a movie where two seductresses get hogtied and repeatedly raped before finally being murdered; leaving the husband with just enough time to clean up and bury the bodies before his wife and kids get back from vacation?

Sounds like absolute kino

>That happened

OMG EPIC I LOVE THE SUBREDDIT TOO GENTLEMEN!

can you faggots go away

...

She most definitely has a beautiful innie.

could you have legally shoot him in that situation?

I couldn't sleep at night knowing he knows where I live and might try again. He needs to be dead.

Proof?

Leave wife. Marry cuban waifu

I know a trick for drying out phones that involves putting them in rice, so maybe I'd try that while they waited for the Uber.

Proof that she has a roastbeef?

>ask them if they're going to rape and murder me
>if they say yes, let them in

Kek, absolutely this.
Especially if you ever get gypsies, they WILL come back.

This. I have surveillance cameras, i wouldn't even get out of bed.

No he wasn't posing a threat to my life
In fact I'm pretty sure I was brandishing a weapon which I could probably get in trouble for but I didn't tell them cop that. I just told him I chased him off and described what he looked like

In Colorado what you did is perfectly legal.

We had a break in down the street and as the guy was taking off the owner unleashed a mag into the windshield. Pat on the back.

Is this the FREE PIZZA flick?

Then I definitely could
I live in AZ and gun laws here as as good as they get
I wasn't worried about him coming back I could tell he was scared shitless
If he stopped being a gangbanger that night and told his friends he was done that wouldn't surprise me either
He had his hands halfway up and addressing me as "sir" and apologizing the whole time while trying to "explain" himself

let lexi in , shut the door on the transgender

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Is he gay or something?

in the film he's married so obviously he is reluctant also being tied up would make you feel uneasy about the situation.

So gay then.

Oh, god. I'd let them rape me and kill me. I would die happy

Is Knock Knock a good movie?

I have an issue with the rain looking so fucking fake. What the fuck?

I said eat the eggs, all of them.

This.

If you didnt get hard when that scene was on, there is something very wrong with you

haha dude more like taco bell amirite

It's penis kino, or pino if you will.

If you look at it as a dark comedy instead of a legit thriller, it's way more enjoyable. Keanu's meltdown at the end justifies the whole movie's existence.

>and thus the age of pino began

You know

Crash? CRASH? You're gonna crash this plane? You're gonna fucking crash this plane with no survivors? Why? WHY? Because I caught you? You caught me! You caught ME! You came to MY aircraft! You came to ME! I got you a flightplan, I brought you Dr. Pavel, you STARTED THE FUCKING FIRE! You wanted it! You wanted it! You came on to me! What was I supposed to do? You called it in, you both fucking called it in! It was MY PRIZE! FREE FUCKING PRIZE! It just shows up at my fuckin' aircraft! What am I supposed to do? "We have the masked man. Come on, fly us! No one will know. Come on, FLY US!" Oh, master plans, wreckage brothers. It doesn't matter! BIG GUYS! FOR YOU! You don't give a fuck, you'll just crash anything, you'll just crash anything! Well, you lied to me, I tried to help you! I let you aboard, I was a good guy, I'm a good agent! And you just fucking caught me! What? Now, you're gonna crash my plane? You're gonna crash my plane? Why? Why? 'Cause you caught me? What the fuck-FUCK-FUCK, I'M IN FUCKING CHARGE HERE!

fuckin kek

It's obvious bait so i guess i would just shoot them both in the head, rape their corpses then burry them in my garden and pretend nothing happened.

Indeed.

would have absolutely chinned both these cheeky little skets

being too scared to open the door of your own home

jeez

that was friggin hilarious

whip out my little limp penis from my sweat pants and beg them to play with it.

If you're married it's pretty much cheating to let them in regardless of you're intentions. That's literal common sense.

More like free pusy

>yeah sure, but you gotta leave your clothes out hear i don't want you getting my carpet wet

Well, to knock on my door they would need to jump over my wall or gate so I am just opening that with my shotgun in hand.

This desu.
In the end Keanu did nothing wrong; he got to fuck them both multiple times and then have the excuse that he was """raped""" as a get out of jail card with his wife.
Win win.

>"We have the masked man. Come on, fly us! No one will know. Come on, FLY US!"

>home with my dog
>window is open cuz cat is retarded and uses it like a doggy door
>2 niggers walk up to my door with a newspaper they picked up from someones driveway
>dog starts going berserk
>crack the door?
>'yall interested in a subscription?'
>it's midnight and I live in a small white farming town, haven't seen a nigger in quite some time
>'You the only one home?'
>Say nah and call the police, tell them there's two 'african americans' going door to door looking to rob people

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