/got/ general - nostalgia edition

watch as newfags rage over old pasta

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Azor Petyr

>Fifteen years past, when they had ridden forth to win a throne, the Lord of Storm's End had been clean-shaven, clear-eyed, and muscled like a maiden's fantasy. Six and a half feet tall, he towered over lesser men, and when he donned his armor and the great antlered helmet of his House, he became a veritable giant. He'd had a giant's strength too, his weapon of choice a spiked iron warhammer that Ned could scarcely lift. In those days, the smell of leather and blood had clung to him like perfume.
>He found himself thinking of Robert more and more. He saw the king as he had been in the flower of his youth, tall and handsome, his great antlered helm on his head, his warhammer in hand, sitting his horse like a horned god. He heard his laughter in the dark, saw his eyes, blue and clear as mountain lakes.
n-ned was straight, right lads?

aaagghhh...

let's be honest, in the presence of bobby b, even degenerate targ fucking shits had trouble containing their desired to be bronken in by the man, as rhaegar proved

IVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR DAYS

...

What will history write about the Baratheons, Westeros shortest lived great house

Y-your grace?

YES YES ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN POMP

>it's the board meeting
>d@d are proposing their plans to GRRM
>they look sheepishly at eachother when they tell him their about to kill stannis
>GRRM pauses for a second, looks at the plans
>where's the penis?"
>"T-the penis?"
>GRRM is getting agitated now
>"where the fuck is the shitting? give me shitting!"
>GRRm throws the plans onto the floor
>"Dabid, we better give him what he wants"
>GRRM is frothing at the mouth now, his diabetes leaving him in a delicate state of fury or stroke
>"PENIS, SHITTING, FUCK STANNIS WHERE IS MY FUCKING SHIT, MAKE THE SHIT LIKE WATER, I WANT IT RUNNING DOWN DANY'S LEG, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LESBOMANCY IN FUCKING DORNE BUT I NEED TO SEE SOME SHIT"
>"w-we could alays put in a fart scene and a vomit scene s-sir"
>the fatman pauses
>"w-we could also talk about bad pussy"
>"like, rotten cunt? will we see it?" GRRM, smiles
>"erm, sort of, it's pretty rotten for the show!"
>"ok guys, you have my blessing"

*annihilates your hopes and dreams*

* annihilates an extra-large pizza*

IT'S BEEN WEEKS

Cast members of HBO's "Game of Thrones", who had just finished a day of shooting on location for the 4th season in Dubrovnik, Croatia, were walking to the beach when they stumbled upon a burgeoning house fire. A small child was reportedly seen inside the home, attempting to escape the blaze. The child, not tall enough to reach the handle of the front door, resorted to banging on the front door in futility. When actor Charles Dance attempted to rescue the child, he was stopped by Stephen Dillane (who plays autistic villain Stannis) who reportedly said "The flames have taken him. The Lord of Light demands this sacrifice". His fellow cast mates, bewildered, continued to watch as the house was consumed in fire. Actress Emilia Clarke (Khaleesi) reached for her cellphone to call the fire department, but reports that Liam Cunningham (who plays the Onion Knight pedophile Davros) snatched the phone away from her and chucked it into the blaze. Carice van Houten (who plays the satanic Sorceress Melisandre) was reported to be chanting "The night is dark and full of terrors". By the time local authorities arrived, it was too late. Dillane, Cunningham, and van Houten were reportedly seen hours later outside the burned home, wearing red robes and screaming "R'HLLOR HUNGERS" at the parents of the deceased child.

Remember the good old times? I remember

confirmed kin-slayers
>Meera Reed
>Daenaerys Targaryen
>Jon Snow
>Tyrion Lannister
>Jaime Lannister
who am I missing

>No new memes till 2019

Why live?

...

>killing your mother in birth is kinslaying

Fuck off.

Who crippled Sam?

Stannis

he killed uncle benjen you stupid cuck

Daenarys killed Uncle Benjen? Daenarys has never killed anyone.

"They fought, they lost. Now they rest."

lol. Moon is no egg. Moon is godess, wife of sun. It is known.

Why is Lena so perfect lads?

daenaerys killed her brother

Meant for

I want to FUCK her while she berates me.

>spiked iron warhammer that Ned could scarcely lift
weren't warhammers just a few pounds heavier than swords? was ned a lanklet?

...

I want to FUCK her while she vibrates me.

No, Bobby B killed Rhaegar and Khal drogo killed Viserys

But what else could you expect from the dullest franchise in the history of tv franchises. Seriously each episode following Daenerys and her wyvern pals as they fight assorted shitlords has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when GRRM agreed to D&D directing the series; he made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody. Just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for his books which he will never finish before dying of fat. The GoT series might be anti-Tolkien (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-fantasy series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"

The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "dies."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several hundred times. I was incredulous. GRRM's mind is so governed by cliches and literal shit metaphors that he has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of GoT by Sup Forums. They wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading GRRM at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on Reddit." And they were quite right. They were not being ironic. When you read "GoT" you are, in fact, trained to be a Redditor.

*brakes his fast*

daenaerys' actions caused viserys to be killed
daenaerys is responsible for viserys' death

No, Viserys pulling a sword on Dany in Vaes Dothrak caused him to be killed

*is as useless as nipples on a breastplate*

the weight is far from the hand which makes it difficult

Bobby was also a big guy

SUNSET FOUND HER SQUATTING IN THE GRASS, GROANING.

May aswell add Sansa to the kinslaying list to, as her actions got Ned killed.

good idea

...

It is meme fantasy so Robert's hammer is ridiculously heavy and he is three times three times the strength of the average man.

Also robb, as his actions got Cat killed.

*groans like a fat man trying to take a shit*

Akchually it was Cat's fault because she was the one who negotiated the marriage in the first place

Dayne?

*walks away so stiffly it looks as though he has a dagger up his butt*

...

>casually went on Pedro Pascal's IG
>mostly Narcos shit and family shit
>get to June 2016
>pic with Lena
>July 2015: pic of Pilou (Euron)
>Jan 2015: pic with Nik
>2014: buttload of pics with the GOT cast, especially Lena and Gwendoline
>get to instagram.com/p/i4Ys7LHwwS/
Wow that's sad.

So Cat also, as she got Robb killed.

Are any Starks not kinslayers?

I knew you were just a faggot shitposter when you called the dragons "wyverns." Who honestly gives a fuck about the difference between "dragons" and "wyverns"? A pedantic nerd like you, apparently.

*the sight of his arousal is arousing*

anyone has a link to the part were he says the best part of his job is raping beautiful girls?

...

Everyone is at least a little bit gay when it comes to Baratheon aesthetics.

Couplekino

Lena is known as the cast's mattress.

Were they actually a couple? Because the babby clearly isn't his but they're still on good terms.

Uh... Arya?

reminder bloodraven lied about bittersteel fleeing with the sword blackfyre and hid the blade until he could smuggle it north to the wall.

long claw is actually the sword blackfyre.

DELET THIS

TWoW never

They were, kinda sad it didn't work out
Arya and Sansa, though they really were close to murdering each other recently

they were. lena is pretty degenerate in conducing her life. Also I'm pretty sure the son is his

>though they really were close to murdering each other recently
Not really. It was fake tension created to make some shitty drama.

The son is her former husband's, he's a little blonde qt boy. The daughter is blonde and has blue eyes, also super white.

Sansas actions got Ned killed, which some autist deems is enough for Kinslaying.

None of the Starks are actually kinslayers

The son is her childhood friend's, the guy she is dating right now and has been for a while.

ned was a bit of a dyel manlet

Ice is made of valyrian steel which is pretty light. The reason it isn't used in combat is because it's absurdly large and thus unwieldy, not because it's heavy.

Robb technically was

How about giving Sandor/Gregor Ice?
Would that work?

>killing your 30th cousin or some shit
>kinslaying
"no"

They were, Isaac or Sophie said it was legit, not a ruse

Karstarks broke off from the main branch like a 1000 years ago. Pretty sure he's in the clear. If fetuses count, then Hoster in a kinslayer.

The son (Wylie) is her ex husband's, that blonde musician. The girl can't be that friend's child because she was with Pedro in 2014, but she looks nothing like him.

>she was with Pedro
Is this confirmed? He could have very well been her gay BFF or something.

you guys might want to look how pedro pascal looked as a child

KIN-SLAYERS
>Meera Reed (Jojen)
>Daenaerys Targaryen (Viserys)
>Jon Snow (Uncle Benjen)
>Tyrion Lannister (Tywin)
>Jaime Lannister (Alton)
>Robb Stark (Rickard, Catelyn)
>Sansa Stark (Ned)
>Catelyn Stark (Robb)

If you had a chance to fug Pedro Pascal would you pass it up?

Yeah, but a normal sword was like 10-15lbs, and even if Bobbys hammer was few times this heavy it's still not hard to 'barely lift' - not effectively fight-for a young healthy man

>a normal sword was like 10-15lbs
WHAT

Chilean?

>tfw winter was coming
>tfw "Was it rape?"
>tfw Storytime with Old Nan
>tfw verts and reaction images everywhere
>tfw STANNIS DID NOT BREAK HIS VOWS
>tfw "Hi Sup Forums, this is Edward Starch"
>tfw you didn't know Dagmer's real identity
>tfw no chain
>tfw it fit
>tfw merlings were everywhere
>tfw CLEGANEBOWL was just one guy and he'd wish you merry CLEGANEBOWLs
>tfw frogfu was just one guy doing a countdown and he never got firsts
>tfw Rickon and Dickon become gay emperors of Essos
>tfw you were haeving problems
>tfw "Friendly Reminder with Ros"
>tfw "ALL HAIL KING JOFFREY THE WHORESLAYER!"
>tfw Talisa was a spy
>tfw Roose finally got loose

/got/, I dreamed I was old.

Would you rather fuck Jaimie or Pedro?

>Robb Stark (Rickard, Catelyn)
>Sansa Stark (Ned)
>Catelyn Stark (Robb)
Might as well add Bran from sending Rickon to the Umbers if the definition is going to be that loose.

>Uncle Benjen

When did Jon kill Uncle Benjen, jon told him to get on the horse.

and then left without him, leaving benjen to be killed by wight walkers

>Finish watching a Game of Thrones
>decide to go to movie theater
>dress in my furs, boiled leather, and hauberk, befitting my status as a Northman
>fill my pockets with roasted capon, and Frey pie, in case i get hungry
>bring a skin of wine
>my mom drives me to the theater, but I pretend she’s a destrier since Ned Stark’s mom never drove him
>get in line to get my ticket
>speak in a clear and proud Northman voice
>the smallfolk distributing tickets clearly respect me, “Theater 3, ok?”
>”The North remembers!”
>witness what appears to be a Summer Islander accosting a fair maid
>realize she will reward me with her maidenhood for helping
>”Summer Islander, leave that chaste maid be. Are you of Jalabhar Xho’s tribe?”
>he looks at me confused: “Yo wat dis cracka talkin bout?”
>”You look strange without your feather-cloak, Summer Islander. Leave us.”
>try to keep up a brave face, but realize the pie and capon have leaked out of my pockets and are overflowing from my sweatpants
>”Yo dis cracka shit hisself!”
>Other Summer Islanders suddenly surround me
>Begin some sort of dance from their native isles, chanting “Woop there it is!”
>Not sure what IT is, I attempt to escape and summon my bannermen
>my cape gets caught on the door
>slam my head and wake up in an ambulance
>my mom is giving me a frustrated look: “No more watching Game of Thrones, user.”
>”It is known, mother.”

okay

Often even less
Sword has to be wieldy and in battle you swing it for some time, so it adds up

Ninety-third for Kinvara, High Priestess of the Red Temple of Volantis, the Flame of Truth, the Light of Wisdom, and First Servant of the Lord of Light. For the thread is dank and full of memes.

why is this faggot still showing up at GoT panels.

Jon wasnt even concious when the horse left. Benjen slapped the horse away. Benjen killed himself.

He left without him because Benjen made the horse leave. If Daenerys left Jon beyond the wall, and Jon died, would she have been a kinslayer?

no because daenaerys isn't a targaryen

Euron killed Balon.
Cersei killed Kevan