Tomorrow is Jay's birthday

Tomorrow is Jay's birthday.

Say nice things about him.

Improved his grooming by 1000%.

Maybe this year you grow a spine

Jay, I can't and won't make this any simpler for you.

You failed at life. You failed. When one thinks of what man is capable of, pushing himself to the limits physically, mentally and emotionally to achieve heights of success never before mentioned, your name will not be whispered in the same, reverent fashion that others have.

Nobody will remember Jay Bauman. You aren't even a header or a footer in the career of someone else. You are nobody. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

In short, you are an enormous failure.

Jay, being that you're about 30 years old and your brain has probably hard-wired itself to accept such failures by now and write off such criticism by being "flippant", really suggests that you've passed beyond the proverbial breaking-point. There's no turning back. This is your career, this is what defines you and this is what you'll defend to the end.

The abhorrent failure that is Red Letter Media, Jay Bauman, that is your legacy.

Maybe I'm over-reaching, however. Who knows? People CAN change. Maybe you'll read this, Jay, and think long and hard about what a wasteful life you've led. Maybe you'll think, "wow. It's incredible just how abysmal and pathetic I really AM!" Maybe you'll lift some weights in the morning. Maybe you'll take a self-help class.

Maybe in a couple of years, Jay, you'll have learned from this failure. I doubt it, though.

I genuinely doubt it.

...

...

Nice job waiting a few days to gauge people's reactions to the Twin Peaks finale so you can post your safe-yet-hipster "opinion."

>Jay, being that you're about 30 years old
The dude is at the very least 35

Ralph > RLM

He probably isn't really a gay homo.

I TURNED MYSELF INTO A TUMS FESTIVAL MIKE
I'M TUMS RIIIICH

Remember when the RLM crew used to go to cons and have fun? Those were the best episodes of HitB when they went outside their comfort zone and interviewed celebrities and ecelebs and made jokes with random people. Now they're fat, old, gimmicky and useless, reviewing nothing but big budget movies for the sheep instead of actually caring about film. I miss my RLM. I miss old Mike. Well it's been fun guys.

Rich Evans eating tums will forever be remember more than anything Jay whoever ever did.

*makes living doing thing he loves while being famous and respected by a lot of people*
k

As someone whose actually had the chance to briefly meet Jay, this is mean spirited and fucked up. He's genuinely friendly and seemed to care about his fans.

Stop fucking with him.

>when they had Max Landis on and it was a lot of fun and then Mike shat on Max's romcom project so there's no hope of them ever reuniting again
makes me sad Tbh

Mike seems really talented from his movie reviews, why hasn't he written a script or done anything beyond high school media project-tier movies?

He could get connections through Max Landis and stuff

Just seems like a lot of wasted potential there, are they all satisfied just earning the bux that RLM makes?

I don't know why, but I feel Jay would start creeping me out if I hung out with him for too long. There's just something about him. The only thing I'm sure of is that he's not a pedo. Other than that, I doubt nothing.

When future generations sift through the smoldering rubble of postmodern America, they would do well to locate a hard drive with RedLetterMedia content on it. They could study Mike and Jay and, with that thin slice of information, fully understand what it is that killed western civilization.
Those two are bitter, cynical nihilists. They have devoted their lives, the prime years of productivity, to pithily lampooning cultural ephemera and implying "we could do better than these idiot filmmakers, but we're too cool to actually try."
They are every strain of societal AIDS melded together into a super AIDS of cultural death...
Well into middle age, they're still obsessively analyzing adventure stories for children. They're childless, unmarried, stubbornly avoiding an actual profession, opting instead to beg for Patreon donations. They are subsisting on the patronage of even more embittered, more lonely, more cynical losers who need virtual friends to swim in their vast Petri dish of misery with them.
Look in their fucking eyes, man. It's a joyless, pointless existence they're living.
They are so afraid of sincerity or honest artistic effort that they'll leave behind hours of footage of them chuckling about Tommy Wiseau. They are artistic cowards and abject failures in every respect.
Each time you catch a glimpse of them, you're reminded that we peaked as a civilization a long time ago. We're done creating. We're done feeling real emotions. All we can do now is analyze, criticize, and ironically pick through the dessicated corpse of our once great nation.

While we say happy birthday, don't forget to say boo at Doug:

>Rewatching early HitB
>Toronto Comic-Con ft. Jake Lloyd

>Remember when the RLM crew used to go to cons and have fun?
They were basically nobodies then so they could blend in and have fun.

Cons suck when you're one of the attractions.

this

Jay seems to give a fuck about what he does while Mike just seems to slog through it.

Ben Shapiro has gained weight

His birthday is one day before mine!

>It's a Mike makes weird voices and flails his arms episode
>It's every fucking episode
I still like him.

His barber is godtier

I made him this birthday card, do you think he'll like it?

That's right Mike!

OH MA GAAAAD

>jay
>big guy

What happened to Jessi?

adorable tbqhfam

Has Jay matured beyond them?

Projecting 101

She's Rich's alter-ego.