Character has to go to work

>character has to go to work
>doesn't pee about 5 times before heading out

>character goes to work and gets shit on by boss
>doesn't just knock his boss the fuck out and walk out

sounds like kidney problems

>character takes a shit and flushes
>doesn't have to get the plunger to unclog the toilet

>character shits
>doesn't take at least 10 tries to remove the blood

>character takes a shower
>doesnt let the shit and piss run down his legs then waffle stomp it through the grate

>character getting ready for a job interview
>doesn't give himself an enema

Yeah, really. I mean i'll piss once in the morning but i'm usually good for a while after that unless i'm just drinking a bunch of water.

>character has a cup of coffee
>doesn't have to take a massive dump right after

>character shits
>it isn't neone green and pure liquid

>character takes a shit
>simply wipes his ass with toilet paper instead of using a bidet or at least wet wipes

do americans really do this? walk around with dried shit on the outside of their assholes? is that why they can't stop sharting in marts?

>character takes shit
>doesnt use his poop scissors to cut the poop into several pieces so it will fit down the toilet

>character wipes ass after shitting
>uses toilet paper instead of a boar bristle brush

name 3 films, 2 flicks, 5 stopmo kinos and 3 dumb frogposting threads that do this

watersports is the true mans fetish

>character pees
>doesnt get a pee stain because a little came out after putting dick back into boxers

>character finally gets a reply
>it's some dumb faggot quoting the whole thread

>character doesn't pee sitting down
>doesn't get to work smelling like urine because he pissed all over his balls

>character goes to the movies
>doesn't have to get up to pee 4 times during the previews

>character pees
>their urethra doesn't burn for hours after

>character getting ready for bed
>doesn't jack off till his dick bleeds

While watersports is a great fetish to have, preggers is by far better.

>2 characters finish sex
>women goes to sleep without wiping cum out of her vag

>character doesn't drink coffee throughout the day to compensate for not having alcohol
>character doesn't start to drink as soon as he gets home and continue until he falls asleep

>character drinks a pepsi
>doesn't get hit with a round of diarrhea

>character gets in hot shower doesn't feel the tip of a hard shit suck in and out
>character doesn't shit in to hand and underhand toss it into toilet bowl

I piss like 5 or so times in the morning before getting my day started.

>non-horror movie takes place on halloween

>character takes shit
>isn't seen smelling their hand at any point after leaving the toilet room

>character takes his shirt off
>isn't covered in a horrible rash and eczemic lesions

>character is working a late shift but still wakes up at 6am nonetheless
>he doesn't spend the next 7 hours wanking repeatedly

>character uses bathroom/touches something that might be dirty
>doesn't wash hands for 5 minutes

how does he get rid of the germs?

>character picks his nose
>doesn't eat freah and juicy booger

>believes in germs
i bet you believe in the boogieman too

>character brushes their teeth
>doesn't spit blood into the sink

>character scratches his taint
>you don't see him smell his finger, grimace and then see a contemplative face while the character narrates how he was thinking if he should shower or not

>character has 3 good threads open that maybe only get a reply every minute or so
>otherwise character can't find any decent threads but they're all getting 10 replies a minute

>character watches blade runner
>doesn't die of aids

>character scratches his butthole for a minute straight
>doesn't sniff his hand immediately afterwards

>not washing your hands once every 3-5 days even if you just took a shit and fingered your dirty asshole
What a pussy fag

>character starts a funny thread
>1 reply

>character actually thinks they're funny

>sex scene
>the guy is actually able to cum

>co-workers actually talk to protagonist

how am i supposed to relate to this

>character doesn't even bother making threads because they're nervous no one will reply and they'll just look stupid

Been on 4chin for 5 years and I've probably only made ten threads. Is that normal? How often do people make their own threads?

>character doesn't have enough time to wipe clean
>fixes toilet paper ass tampon so he doesn't beaver slides

>character wakes up
>gets out of bed without taking an antidepressant or at least three stiff pulls off the handle of vodka he keeps under his bed

been on Sup Forums 8 or 9 years and i've made less than 10 threads if you don't count generals

I maybe make 1 a day on average. Pretty much exclusively on Sup Forums and nearly always about memes, nothing newsworthy or substantive.

I have one of these in right now
I don't seem to shower enough to have a clean asshole most of the time so whenever I sit down at my computer I just keester one in to ward off the ass staining
Now it feels weird if I don't have something up my ass desu

>character drives to work
>doesn't scream obscenities for 10 minutes because they are angry about how their life turned out

>character adds an user on steam
>they play a few games together over a couple weeks
>user gets really clingy and always messages character whenever he logs on
>user eventually confesses love for character before getting blocked
>character has had to deal with this for at least 3 movies now

Zoz

get checked up for type 2 diabetes desu senpai.

>character uses public restroom
>doesn't drape toilet paper over the gap between the door and frame so nobody can peek

if you dont count cock rate threads and yag threads ive made

>character masturbates
>doesn't lick the cum off of his hand and then pee immediately after

>peeing immediately after fapping
enjoy your urinary tract infection

>video games

wait what
i always do that to avoid cum sticking inside

>Character goes to bed
>Doesn't get an itchy asshole and have to go back to the bathroom to rewipe

>character doesn't shave asshole, taint, cock, and balls

how does he manage day to day life?

it prevents UTIs you fucking moron

>Character has one night stand
>Doesn't wipe his dick on the curtains before leaving

>>Character has one night stand
stopped reading right there
characters are supposed to be believable

>character thinks DAMN is better than TPAB

>Characters have sex
>women doesn't start crying immediately after

do you have to use one of those tiny ass european toilets?

(You)

Mass replies should be a bannable offense

>character hangs up phone without saying bye
>H-Hello? HELLOOO?????

(You)

That wasn't me, why does it say you? Is somepony spoofing my IP address?

wrong

...

This thread cracked me the fuck up and I'm not drunk or high

>character pisses after cumming
>doesnt need to sit on the toilet for 20 minutes waiting for little drops of piss to fall out

idgi

Watersports is the kino fetish

Pajeets are R traded

whats not to get?

I can't pee in restrooms outside of my own home. I don't even know what the bathrooms where I work look like, I've never been in them in the 4 years I've worked there.

>character has a heart attack
>someone commences cpr by pushing lightly on the chest instead of 1/3 compressions at a rate of 90-100 per minute

why not pregnant pissing?

these are some of the best ride-the-line shitposts desu

fucking hate when this happens

what the fucking hell is wrong with all you people !?

>character must make an important phone call
>doesn't sit with anxiety in front of his phone the whole day
>doesn't postpone it until tomorrow and repeat the same process then

No u.

>phone rings several times throughout the day
>character doesn't answer any of the calls

>>phone rings several times throughout the day
>>character doesn't answer any of the calls

:^\

that exists and its gross

You are not alone

>character has to take a big sweaty shit
>doesn't pee first, then flush, because if the pee pee mixes with the poo poo he has to stomp around the house slapping his thighs for a half hour

>character takes a shit
>doesn't know how to use the three seashells

>character turns on tv
>a big blue light shows

>Character around people
>Doesn't make a fake call to provider seem normal and so the phone doesn't ring
>Doesn't accidentally press speaker phone and the recorded women's voice gives the game away
>Doesn't definitely see a person notice and hide their laughter

>character mammoth shits in public stall
>doesn't drop phone and lean too far forward to pick it up
>doesn't drag tip of penis along front of toilet bowl, almost squeaking
>doesn't then panic and shuffle out to the sink, pants around ankles, praying someone doesn't walk in as they get a handful of hand soap and wash penis in the sink
>Character doesn't still need to finish huge shit