If Hank's family was taken hostage and to free them he had to kill one of these three with his bare hands...

If Hank's family was taken hostage and to free them he had to kill one of these three with his bare hands, who would he choose?

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Bill, hands down

Bill

Dale has a family, so he's out.

Boomhauer doesn't give much back to his friends or community, so I suppose him.

Rusty Shackleford.

Hank will not hesitate to kill Bill

Bill.

He was probably the one holding them hostage anyways.

But he's a cop?

Himself

I think hank would just call the police instead

Bill unless he suspects resistance, in which case Dale.

Of course. He didn't have the guts to kill himself so he made an elaborate plan to make his best friend do it for him.

he pretends to choose boomhauer, who is actually good at faking his death unlike the other two who probably couldnt even sacrifice themselves without fucking it up
who calls in his texas rangers and they rescue bobby and luanne, but tragically fail to save peggy

Gonna say Bill too.

Hank seems to respect Boomhauer more than the others and quotes him and stuff, and he's said a couple times Dale is his best friend despite the shit he puts him through. The only thing that's even keeping Bill in the group is a bit of pity based entirely on memories of their high school years.

Bill. Bill would offer himself up, start to cry when Hank took his offer, then eventually come to terms and accept his death with diginity.

Bill would probably give his life willingly, which is incredibly sad or noble or both.

Dale.
John Redcorn would be there to help raise Joseph.

Bill.
He'll rationalize it by saying his death is like mercy killing a horse with a broken leg.

Hell no

>but tragically fail to save peggy

Nothing of value was lost.

>it's just like tearing down a condemned house. we did that once, remember?

actually let's be realistic. hank is strong but he's no lou ferrigno. dale's the only one he actually could kill with his bare hands. the other two would require some kind of tool

But what about her famous Brown Betty and Spa-Peggy & Meatballs?

Bill will be Peggy for now on.

Yeah & we had no idea until the series finale. You'd think he'd be more proactive in situations like the Super Bowl champion assaulting Hank or when Arlen is evacuated.

I like the fact that hank likes boomhauer the most just because he doesn't have to fix his fuck ups unlike bill or dale

So which of them would be most likely to put up a fight instead of lying down and taking it if Hank picked them to be killed?

vocaroo.com/i/s0yMNcfgFR4s

shitty audio incoming

he'd spend the episode conflicted, but finally rationalize killing Bill

only for Boomhauer to step in the last minute to volunteer as sacrifice/tell Hank the Rangers rescued his family

Bill would be stupid enough to try to save them
Wich is a win/win because when he dies trying he still saves them by virtue of being dead

That Brown Betty nearly killed someone & Minh cooks everything better.

it wont matter who he choses, Dale takes the bullet for them because he would. you all know it.

I actually missed the bare hands part.
In a 1v1 with fists I can see Bill horribly losing but then at his brink he'll get football flashbacks and just destroy everything in his path.

>he'll get football flashbacks and just destroy everything in his path
Bill Dauterive, more like Kill Dauterive

It's alright Hank. Do it. I don't have anything to live for and If I can save your family, well at least then it would give my life some meaning.

Would he tell bill or would he just take him out while he peacefully sleeps?

Dale, but he'd be the easiest to take down too.

Dale. Gets crazy, fights dirty, is probably willing to threaten Bobby or Peggy (definitely Peggy) himself first to save his own skin.

Hank could easily overpower him physically but Dale's also a fucking gun nut.

i'm sorry but I need this to be a piece of fanart right now, perhaps photoshopped
after all those times bill was eager and happy to replace hank... what about that time when he dressed in peggy's clothes while he and dale broke into their house to 'keep it safe'? gotta be a way to photoshop him into a kitchen scene or something with hank and bobby

>yo dang ol' cut it out man, dang ol' kidnapper obvs'ly ain gon gib no dang ol senpai'ly back matta whatcha do, dang ol' OW! cut it OUT man! bout t' texas ranger all over y' dang ol'.. best friend, man, but talkin' bout won't hesitate, man

>Boomhour will fight honorably with his fists
>Bill will wimp out but will fight back when he reaches a breaking point.
>Dale will run away screaming and if he somehow escapes use prep time to plan out traps but never directly fight Hank, and if all fails he'll probably invest money on a Sniper Rifle and try to snipe him from a far distance. He'll miss every time.

you get an A+ for effort and a B+ in overall presentation

Pretty good friend.

Dale has probably that up thousands of scenarios where Hank tries to kill him, planned each and every one of them accordingly.

This makes me want to hear Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but with Dale.

you kidding? hank's on his list of trustables
he has dozens of scenarios where an alternate Dale tries to kill him, with plans for 70% of them, tops. the others he just has warnings against.

We saw Bill rock one of Peggy's dresses. Bill can definitely be Hank's new Peggy.

>he'd make Hankface as he stands over a sleeping Bill with a pillow
>has some dialogue like the end of Old Yeller, where he apologizes for everything in Bill's life ending so unfairly
>Bill wakes up
>Hank b'waaaaahs, Bill spergs out
>Bill hurt that Hank would choose to kill him but volunteers for it anyway
>awkward tension
>"Dang ol' man watchy'all doin' in dang ol' here man, dang ol' watchin' Bill sleep man, dang ol' kidnappers out there man, dang ol' got my dang ol' boys out'chea found 'em man, dang ol' got 'em all safe n' sound man"

Yeah but what if the Illuminati use their psychic powers of suggestion to mind control Hank to into assassinating Dale? Hank may be a trustable, but that doesn't make him immune to Lizard Jewish voodoo tricks.

vocaroo.com/i/s0WJesLfdvgj

>Hank it had to be this way. I had to do this it's the only way I could end this. By having you do it. Because....I'm...I'm too weak Hank. Every morning I wake up and it's just a day I can't face. And I just want to turn it all off but I just meander through the day, in the back of my head begging that someone takes me out of my misery. THAT I TAKE ME OUT OF MY MISERY! But even when I muster up enough will to even try, I fail. Because I'm no good, because I'm weak. But not you, Hank. You're STRONG. You're the best man I know, if anyone could do this for me it would be you, it would HAVE to be you. But I couldn't just ask you, you'd say no. So I had to take your family Hank, I had to do something that would push you to do what I can't. So please Hank. do it.
>Go-Got dangit Bill. I can't. You're not gonna hurt Peggy and Bobby just let them go.
>N-no...I will Hank.
>You're not Bill.
>.....dang it. But Hank still PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME!
>Bill....I'm not going to call the cops. I'm not gonna tell the guys. This'll be between all us. Goodbye.
>.........High Pitched Whining Noise

"Dale and Loathing in Las Vegas"

if anyone's immune to the illuminati, it's hank. as for the reptilians, they rely too heavily on propane to heat their lairs
and you're a little confused if you think the jews are friends to any illuminati. They basically started their little club to keep jews out.

hehehe

>that spoiler
God damn, I actually heard it for a second there.

>vocaroo.com/i/s0yMNcfgFR4s

Do the Plane scene.

Out of curiosity can someone name a few conspiracy theories said by Dale?

I can't think of much off the top of my head besides aliens and his origin story about Joseph being an alien and stuff.

Hank beats Bill to stall while Boomhaur's Rangers arrive. Seconds from death, Bill achieves full Billdozer mode and obliterates the kidnappers before the Rangers even arrive

JFK.
Fluoride in the drinking water.

Good job faggot, I liked it

The entire Y2K episode.

That's EXACTLY how it would go.

>global warming? it's just more of that zero-population-increase government bulldink. I say LET the earth get warmer. We'll grow oranges in alaska.
>dale, you giblet-head. we live in TEXAS. it's already 110 in the shade. and if it gets one degree hotter i'm kickin' your ass
so in summary, no. dale's pretty much right

Probably Bill.

Boomhauer's a texas ranger. Hank would get his ass beat.

Dale would be the easiest to beat, but Hank wouldn't take him from his family.

and dies tragically afterwards from various ballistic projectiles lodged in his body, which he had until that point shrugged off?

The Beast. Remember, machines don't make errors, what they do they do at will.

Dale, because Dale is the most likely to actually kidnap people.

Also his scrawny pencil neck would snap like a twig, I tell you what.

that one was like, almost right. he just misidentified sociopathic negligence as malicious conspiracy

>Dale has a family

Uh technically he doesn't

yeah.. hank has worked several times to try to keep that family together, but if dale were to die their problems would be solved


or they would have been before redcorn finally settled down with another woman and kid he knocked her up with

I remember one that Hank disproved while hopped up on testosterone was that the current Dale was actually Dale from 70 years in the future. There was also something about Mongolia being one of the major military forces in the world at that point.

family is more than just your blood relation user.