> Rey went to shoot Kylo because she thought he was right in front of him, Luke sees Snoke in front of him through the mind meld) without realizing Kylo is still right there. Kylo sees this, thinks Luke is trying to kill him, and destroys the temple just like in the film.
>Luke catching the fish and milking the sea cow is him acting crazy like Yoda did to test Reys patience. He still doesn’t want to change Rey, and the R2 scene still happens.
>Rey doesn’t hit Luke/fight with him. Instead she sneaks off in the middle of the night after getting Luke drunk, hearing his true and remorseful side of the story about what happened to Kylo and his sadness about Han, and watching him fall asleep. She actively chooses Kylo even though she knows it’s probably not the right choice, since he promised to tell her who her parents are.
ITT: We fix The Last Jedi
Bring Lucas back
>Luke actually shows up and had a final lightsaber duel with his old protege.
>He manages to cut off his arm before being struck down and joining the force.
OP. Field was too long. Fuck I copy/pasted it wrong. Here it is again the right way.
Part 1
>Luke never went to kill Kylo. Instead he heard Kylo being tormented in his sleep, looked into his mind and found Snoke. Snoke and Luke then have a mind meld, and Snoke threatens Luke that Kylos already gone and his other students are next, luke sees Snoke right in front of him just like how when Rey went to shoot Kylo because she thought he was right in front of him. He opens his lightsaber to Snoke without realizing Kylo is still right there. Kylo sees this, thinks Luke is trying to kill him, and destroys the temple just like in the film.
>Luke catching the fish and milking the sea cow is him acting crazy like Yoda did to test Reys patience. He still doesn’t want to change Rey, and the R2 scene still happens.
>Rey doesn’t hit Luke/fight with him. Instead she sneaks off in the middle of the night after getting Luke drunk, hearing his true and remorseful side of the story about what happened to Kylo and his sadness about Han, and watching him fall asleep. She actively chooses Kylo even though she knows it’s probably not the right choice.
go back and time and kill JJ to prevent the lame, paper-thin Resistance vs FO setting that sandbags the Leia/Poe and Finn/Rose storylines
open the movie with Canto Bight so you don't have to contrive an awkward detour
~5 transports should make it to Crait, the body count in this movie is a little silly
One of the ancient Jedi texts should be visibly titled "Wookieepedia"
For the record, this is a kino genre blockbuster. My edits merely take it from 8.5/10 -> 9.5/10
> Rey went to shoot Kylo because she thought he was right in front of him, Luke sees Snoke in front of him through the mind meld) without realizing Kylo is still right there. Kylo sees this, thinks Luke is trying to kill him, and destroys the temple just like in the film.
Absolutely retarded, Kylo could just look into his mind eventually and find out he was wrong.
>Luke actually shows up and had a final lightsaber duel with his old protege.
>He manages to cut off his arm before being struck down and joining the force.
This is even more out of character for Luke than anything he did in the movie. Luke wouldn't fight his own father and regretted ever attacking Kylo. He is more of a pacifist than any other Jedi we see in the films.
Also, since I know people are complaining about how this works, the Jedi can project themselves across death. Of course the son of one of the most powerful force users to ever live can project himself across galaxies.
Part 2
>Luke doesn’t go to burn the sacred texts because Rey stole them and insead hes freaking out because she went to Kylo with them. Yoda appears, (the page turner joke is instead a reference to Rey and Kylo reading them to do anything of substance quickly) tells Luke about Dooku and how he himself struggled with failure, and that his biggest mistake was exiling himself when he could have fought the good fight. As a final gift to his student, he lifts Lukes X-Wing out of the water like in Empire, tells him he’s proud of him, and then jokes that Luke has other people waiting to talk to him with a lot more to say (Obi-Wan, Anakin) when he gets back to safety.
>Snoke is revealed to be a force mindflayer, able to meld minds from a galaxy away. His body is fucked up because the technique kills him little by little.
>Luke meets up with the resistance and a remorseful Rey, and he promises that when this is all over they will forge a new path for the Jedi without its stodgy old books. Theyre both saddened about Leia, but are in shock when she appears in front of them, projecting herself from the coma. They have a tearful heart to heart about Kylo, and she tells him to take Rey and get the rest of the resistance to safety. She’s going to gove Kylo one last shot at changing, and after that its Lukes priority to take him down. Kylo sees his mother, she tries to turn him, and after struggling he strikes at her only to see shes a hologram. She chides him, and this drives him berserk as he falls to the ground crying. Leia dies and dissapears into the force.
FPBP
Rey DID steal the texts, they're shown later in the falcon. Luke would have no reason to freak out about her bringing them to Kylo Ren since Luke already taught him everything and didn't even seem to care at all that Rey could potentially steal them.
Also no one wants to be reminded of Count Poopoo.
>Snoke is revealed to be a force mindflayer, able to meld minds from a galaxy away. His body is fucked up because the technique kills him little by little.
Why
>Luke meets up with the resistance and a remorseful Rey, and he promises that when this is all over they will forge a new path for the Jedi without its stodgy old books. Theyre both saddened about Leia, but are in shock when she appears in front of them, projecting herself from the coma. They have a tearful heart to heart about Kylo, and she tells him to take Rey and get the rest of the resistance to safety. She’s going to gove Kylo one last shot at changing, and after that its Lukes priority to take him down. Kylo sees his mother, she tries to turn him, and after struggling he strikes at her only to see shes a hologram. She chides him, and this drives him berserk as he falls to the ground crying. Leia dies and dissapears into the force.
Almost none of this makes sense
I'm so glad none of this shit happened, the movie would be even more inconsistent and without motivation if any of it did.
Part 3
>Holdo doesnt do the light speed manuever. Its Admiral fucking Ackbar going out like a boss.
>The Canto bright shit is eliminated and replaced with something else for Finn to do with Rose, culminating with them fighting Phasma in half the time.
>Holdo doesnt do the light speed manuever. Its Admiral fucking Ackbar going out like a boss.
As dumb as it was watching this pink haired mess do anything, I think I would have put a gun in my mouth if it was Ackbar. Not only would it be pandering, he's a total non-character and looks too dumb to do anything cool.
>Kylo tries to stab Luke but it goes right through him because he's a projection
>Their lightsabers still clash like physical objects
Explain this
Their lightsabers never clashed. Luke dodged him.
Does it matter? Magic shouldn't follow logical rules. It's an extended metaphor.
>replace Finn's & Rose's adventures with something about suspicions of a mole among the resistance
That would explain why Holdo kept her plan to herself and would actually make for a suspenseful resistance subplot.
>Kyle promises to tell Rey about her parents
>promises he won’t harm her etc etc
>she goes to meet with him even though it seems like an obvious trap
>it’s a trap and she’s surrounded by the guards and snoke comes in saying he killed her parents
>shows her a fake (or real we don’t know if he’s just manipulating her) memory of him killing them
>she then attack’s him out of anger and they fight while kylo stands and watches
>she lets her anger get the best of her and becomes faster and stronger in her attack’s which snoke laughs and enjoys as they fight as he gets what he wants
>only Rey goes further than he anticipated and begins to be too much for him and as Rey is about to make a fatal blow
>Kylo steps forward and blocks it standing between her and snoke
>it looks like they are about to fight
>when kylo turns around and kills snoke seeing an opportunity to kill him while he’s weak
>battle with the guards happens here
>they all die
>just as they all die troopers enter the room
>Kylo tells them Rey killed snoke and she begins to make her escape
>Their lightsabers still clash like physical objects
But they didn't. That's the reason Luke does that retarded Matrix dodge.
>we fix the Last Jedi
Rey gives Luke his lightsaber just before dying of a stroke. Meanwhile Finn has OD'd on purple drank and watermelon. Rose collapses from a heart attack and Admiral Tumblr slashes her wrists open in defiance of the Patriarchy
Nonsense. That's what made him great. He's not the prettiest, but the Mon Cal were good strategists and he was one of the best of them. His beauty was proven to be more than skin deep. Instead of an honourable death, he got sucked into space as an afterthought.
smoke?
Luke did I ever tell you the time I made jokes about mishearing snokes name thinking people were saying smoke? It was similar to the feed sneed fiasco but I thought I would try and apply it to our franchise Star Wars, that’s the movie we are in right now by the way but that’s not important. Anyway it was very very funny, well to me at least the others didn’t seem to think so, they were not good friends but god was I desperate to make them so. You see I’m a bit of a hermit Luke and I don’t get out much. Any kind of social interaction is positive for me at this point I’m somewhat desperate these days for attention.
I think we know how that would play out
>ackbar prepares to ram
>we cut to the first order ship's bridge
>crew man reports rebel ship is turning
>hux replies "it's a distraction"
>crewman looks increasingly worried as the rebel ship fully comes about to collision course
>"sir it's not a distraction it's"
>sudden zoom-in to hux's face
>*beat*
>"it's a trap!"
>cuts back to Ackbar on his bridge as he slams the ship's throttle to maximum
Luke, did I ever tell you about the time that I made an incredibly contrived post?
>movie takes place months after Force awakens
>there is a stand off between first order and Republic (a Cold War if you will)
>leia tries to get galactic senate to help
>blah blah she has to send Finn and Poe to Space Vegas for dumb mission
>turns out some planets want empire to return because the republic is incompetent and rich run everything and crime has skyrocketed without fascist police state (so there is a reasonable explanation why planets fall to a terrorist organization)
>Rey and Luke train on planet
>Luke says the planet was hidden because it's some mystical super important planet that always had a single Jedi guarding it. Except for when Empire took over and all Jedi were dead
(Could be birth place of all life in galaxy/where original Jedi came from/some gateway to something/an immense force based power source...doesn't matter)
>on Space Vegas Finn and Poe are captured by Captain phasma
>Rey senses this and has to save them
>blah blah. Force projection luke fights Kylo but doesn't die on his planet
>Kylo kills snoke
>Rey realizes she was clone of Snoke and that She has a clone factory' on some planet and she needs to destroy it
>leia tries to get galactic senate to help
There is no galactic senate anymore.
>turns out some planets want empire to return because the republic is incompetent and rich run everything and crime has skyrocketed without fascist police state (so there is a reasonable explanation why planets fall to a terrorist organization)
No one wants politics in Star wars again, especially in this political climate where it's all you ever hear about.
>on Space Vegas Finn and Poe are captured by Captain phasma
You would have to do some serious plot work to get her onto that planet.
>doesn't die on his planet
Luke dying was the best part of the film. He has to die sometime, and if it's in the next film it wouldn't have the same impact.
>Rey realizes she was clone of Snoke and that She has a clone factory' on some planet and she needs to destroy it
That's some cheesy shit user.
No uncle Ben you didn’t, normally you just ramble on continously about memes and then you laugh hysterically to yourself like a nerf herder. I worry about you uncle Ben, I really do. This repetitive behavior is bad for your mental health and I fear it might be the ways of the dark side. Also I hear you jack off at night to those holograms and it makes me wish my ears were sliced off instead of my hand.
>This repetitive behavior is bad for your mental health and I fear it might be the ways of the dark side.
Totally unrelated but I think a schizophrenic force user would be great.
6 minutes after TFA ends, the opening credits roll but there’s a tie fighter blue x wing fight scene in the background so we don’t get bored. Also the opening scroll is simplified to a children’s book and is also sped up so audiences don’t have to read for too long. Anyway we start the movie with Rey flying to Luke she found his hiding place through the force the force told her. When she gets there she interrupts luke jacking off to cuck porn. She says she hates how disgusting he looks and he cries and he drinks the titty milk. Try trains luke on her impressive force skills and teaches him how to be respectful and obedient to her whims. Then yoda lights Luke’s tree on fire where he stored his cuck porn drives. Luke cries and turns into a force ghost losing is will to live. Leia dives head first out the air lock and flies through space into hyper speed and rams into the first orders ship blowing up the week point and all other ships blow up in a chain reaction. We think she dies in the explosion but she comes flying out the other side, her hair is pink now and she has a piercing she got from the ships rubble. Movie ends with a hit song produced by post Malone with Chewie dancing with the cute porgs, one of the porgs farts and holds his fin up to his mouth like “oopsie”
The end
>No one wants politics in Star wars again, especially in this political climate where it's all you ever hear about.
Typical brainlet. Give me some pewpews and an lel prank phonecall.
go back in time and put Rian Johnson through a pike
>has to turn their lightsaber on and off 3 times before fighting
Luke wakes up. Episode vii was just luke’s nightmare. Proceed to tell a story that isn’t fan pandering and not competely retarded.
Then Disney ruins it with Akbars final words:
"To infinity and Beyond"
Sam Raimi should have made The Last jedi
NO asian chick, no purple bitch, no casino scene, no codebreaker scene. Use extra time to develop more Snoke, Poe, Finn, Phasma and Rey. Make Luke join fight as soon as he is found. Give Leia, 3po and R2 more screen time.
Side characters and sub quests ruined this movie. Why do this at all when the main characters are likeable?
Follow the damn drone, Kylo!
We were so wrong.
I'm sorry George, we all let you down. JarJar looks like such a minor issue by comparison
Finally people are agreing that JarJar was only a minor inconvenience. People always thought that JarJar ruined the movies, but that is just not true.
>Movie begins with an old man being arrested by The First Order on some backwater planet
>He gets brought to Snoke and in their dialogue they reveal they were both close to Sheev in some way and everyone but Snoke abandoned the Empire after he died
>They make cryptic references to Kylo being "the one" before the old man is killed
>When Luke is training Rey some big monster or something attacks them and she instinctively uses force lightening to their surprise
>In the night, Luke a conversation with force ghost Obi Wan (played by Ewan Mcgregor) where he says he senses great darkness in Rey, the last time he felt such dark aide force was when he was being electrocuted by The Emperor
>Scene in the third act has Luke and Rey in Snoke's throne room
>He explains that when the Emperor died, he focused all his dark force essence into a new born body and that his followers were meant to find and train the new reincarnated Emperor
>Reveals Rey is the reincarnated Sheev
>Upon learning this revelation, she feels all the unlimited power of Sheev Palpatine inside her and joins the First Order
>At some point in the film Kylo gets arrested by The Resistance
>Set up for IX is that Rey is he big bad with Luke having to try and turn Kylo back to the light side to fight her
Or something like that idk I'm drunk
>ITT: Sup Forums writes a shittier version of The Last Jedi
At this point we could have explosions man writing the plot from ground up and it'd be better than this shit
Here's some ideas:
1. Most important thing to do right off the bat is excise the humour - for the most part this can likely be fixed with some edits but for larger problems like the opening scene there'll need to be rewrites and reshoots.
2. Finn dies at the end of the movie flying the speeder into the battering ram. Star Wars has once again fallen for the "can't kill a main character" trap just like with Han in empire - 20 years from now Boyega will be talking like Ford about how annoyed he was that his character didn't get the end it needed. This is the climactic sacrifice - not the purple haired vice admiral crashing a ship into another one out of hyperspace which is nonsensical on many levels most important of which is that the audience doesn't care about her at all. We do lose that absolutely kino set piece but it can likely be worked in somewhere else if it's absolutely necessary.
Yeah jar jar was a small problem in a series so fundamentally awful
> There needs to be some contrivance that the only way Kylo can beat Rey is by impregnating her.
> They will have a 10-20 minute fight that includes wrestling, grappling etc., as well as separated moments with dialogue that reveal how each is also wrestling internally with ambiguous feelings – at least she is.
> He's stronger but she uses tricky slippery techniques. He finally overpowers her (she's tired so she has a very red face) and he fucks her and she gets real into it coz fuck it. No lewd shots, but showing their faces etc.
> There's real emphasis on how he's nutting deep inside her – she makes a face implying she can feel that specifically.
> Then once she's pregnant he turns good or some shit.
>black people are confirmed to be superior warriors because they can impregnate and flee from the responsibility of raising their offspring
The entire plot about the First Order chasing the rebels needs to go.
A lot of the problems with the new trilogy center around the Empire/dark side. Where did they come from? How did they get so strong? Who is Snoke? Why does Luke interact with his dark-side pupil so poorly?
I think you could fix a lot of the problems with an overhaul to the Empire's characters.
>Star Wars Episode 7
>The Sith are actually wiped out
>The remnants of the Empire, including a substantial amount of hardware, are pulled together through their rage against the Republic
>The main Empire characters are:
>A) A charismatic leader Vaderboo
>B) An old Jedi hunter who took part in Order 66 hunting down the remaining Jedi and
>C) A technological genius who gives the Empire remnants some new technology to give them an edge despite numerical inferiority
>None of them are force-sensitive, but they're motivated by similar emotions
>Bring Lucas back
THIS
I forgot to add
>At the beginning, nobody is taking the Empire threat seriously because the Sith are gone and the Force is balanced, the protagonist realizes the threat and tries/fails to convince the Jedi-led Republic of the danger until the end of the first film, when it's too late
Kylo Ren snuck off to find Snoke one night while everyone was asleep because Luke's students kept bullying him about his granddad. He didn't do so because Luke tried to kill him. He gave away Luke's location to Snoke and they showed up with an army to btfo the school. Luke is searching the galaxy for ways to take down Snoke and redeem Ben.
Leia suicide bombs the fleet instead of Holdo. Add some verbage like "y-you can't do that! It's impossible for [x] reasons," and Leia using her instincts and the Force to do it anyway. Get rid of the lame superman scene.
Delete the cringeworthy Force Skype connection between Rey and Kylo Ren. Make the red dudes in the throne room the Knights of Ren. Play up how easily Rey is tempted to the Dark Side as opposed to it being a dropped plot thread.
I personally would have killed off Snoke in the post-credits scene in TFA, not in TLJ. Instead of Snoke being omminous over hologram, have it be him shittalking Kylo Ren in person over getting btfo, and Kylo's eyes turning yellow with hate and him overpowering Snoke somehow with the Force and killing him.
Drop that dumb shit with Ghost Yoda burning the tree. Substitute in a scene of ghost Anakin trying to reason with Kylo Ren and him telling Anakin to fuck off. If Luke ascends to a higher plane of existence to hologram across the galaxy, have him actually win the fight and push Kylo Ren back.
Give Finn something better to do and rethink a bit the conflict between Dern and Poe, possibly remove the ticking clock part of the subplot so the timing of the whole movie doesn't come off as weird
That's it, the rest is good as it is for me. Maybe throw in just a couple of lines to try suggest how/why Snoke became supreme leader or a Sith, anything other than that would be unnecessary