Spider-man (1967) Sky Harbor

I do believe it's time for a Spider-man. Tonight's episode has to do with airplanes and the green man who runs the greatest flying base in history. Helicarrier's got nothing on this. I really like these season 3 episodes because they are the most retarded.

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But here's some news. We're running out of episodes and that leaves us at a crossroads of where to go next.

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The entire reason I did this Spider-man show was because it won the poll.

Everything is going according to plan Herr Sky Baron

Hoho It's all working perfectly

"I'm right here, Gustov""

"Oh! ...your flying base is airborne. Thought you'd like to know. I had my doubts but we're up in the air and the people below don't suspect a thing!

Of COURSE it's working perfectly. I designed it, I designed all of it. I spent 15 long years slaving over the blueprints, planning every detail, every last nut and bolt. Were you aware of that?

"Ja wohl Sky Baron "

"And didn't we spent years and years meticulously running drills to be ready for this occasion with the upmost efficiency?"

"Ja Wohl my commandant!"

Good. Now treat yourself to some Black Forest gateau and marvel at the flying Marvel that is the Sky base.

BEHOLD

It's been many years holed up in our secret mountain base, working, waiting. Waiting for the right time to make our comeback and make Germany the power to be respected and feared once again!

It was hard, watching the world pass by and see how poorly things turned out but now is the time to turn back the clock and bring back the 2nd Reich! The one with dignity and class, the one true successor to Bismark's wisdom! Germany was at its greatest in World War 1 and I will make the world see that and bring Germany back to that era where men wore monocles and scarves and man served as brothers in the sky together with the Red Baron.

And then Hitler came along and ruined it all! I hate him so much? Hitler did nothing wrong? Bullshit I say. He didn't wear a monocle or a Scarf, he didn't have the patience or planning and ruled Germany like the impatient mama's boy that he was.

How can your enemies respect you and cower in fear when they know that you don't eat meat and are a third-rate painter? How can your family love you if you bring a strong baby boy into the world and don't have a cigar to smoke because you think it's yucky. What are you supposed to do?! Pass out lolipops?!

Hitler just couldn't think ahead. Kicking all the smart jews out of the country is all well and good but you do that AFTER they develop your nuclear program not BEFORE they do it for your enemies.

He couldn't even hold off on invading Russia until a good time of year and the guy got married right before he killed himself. Fucker died a virgin because he couldn't plan a war and a honeymoon at the same time.

Well I won't make those impulsive errors! Now! To victory!

I hope someone is writing this down. This is one hell of a speech. The world needs to hear it.

Baron, I don't mean to interrupt your daily rant against Hitler and your love for World War 1 but we have approaching aircraft at 3:00!

Good! They'll be here in 15 minutes then and we'll put my secret flying force to the ultimate test!

Troops! Arm the fighters, laser load the gun boats, drain the lizards, Prep the locksmiths, pat the bombs, cut the monitors, sand the dressers.

I will fly this mission personally. This will make my 10,000th raid

AND THERE BETTER BE BEER AND A PARTY WHEN I LAND

You heard the Baron! Scramble! Scramble! This is not a drill.

nnneeaoowww

The sensation of wind in your face when facing death. That is what war is all about!

My base is the best base.

Stay in formation. like geese. Be nasty. Like geese.

bump

That is the stupidest flying airbase I have ever seen.

...

"Just a regular flight, but what's with the armed escort?"

"Relax. Either we're about to get hijacked by terrorists or they're just going in our direction. Either way there's nothing we can do so why worry?"

"But there are some odd signals coming from the radar screen"

"Yeah! Look at that! Out the window! Turn your head real fast and back again so we do not crash"

...

We stumble into an air show?

Green Squadron this is Green Leader. Dust the fighters but do not harm the larger plane. I will use the experimental germinifier ray

I am speechless.

I am also speechless.

We are speechless together.

pewpew

FUCK

Damn those slow biplanes! Our expensive modern technology is no use against that!

heheheheheheh

The only thing that should be in the air are planes like mine and zeppelins. Zeppelins are ok too but not if you call them blimps. Hotairplanes are also acceptable.

Deploy the experimental germinifier ray bomb!

Poof

Your plane is now red!

Deploy Grapple! They're helpless now!

MISSION COMPLETE

Now with these hostages the world will know that the sky is not safe from the Sky Baron!

This is Clark Sparkles with the nightly news. Tonight a passenger plane was hijacked by the man known as the Sky Baron and in response the entire world has grounded all aircraft out of fear for what he will do next. The plane and its passengers are held captive at the Sky Base and reports suggest that they're becoming more German by the minute, praising Pretzels and beer and demanding a visit from David Hasselhoff. No word yet from Hasselhoff who is expected to negotiate the crisis.

>MEANWHILE AT THE UNITED NATIONS

Clark Sparkles: The Sky Baron, who I am told is really named Baron Von Rabblerouser, has demanded unconditional rule of the skies lest he unleash his menacing machines and the United States is currently meeting in an emergency session to discuss his demands

What can we do? China's abstained and Russia's going to veto our planes to deal with the Baron and if we act the Baron's threatened to turn his weapons on New York and turn our city into New Hamburg. Maybe we should give up.

Mayor, as a general of French descent I can safely say that surrender is the objectively correct course of action. He has all those hostages and he's in the air and we're down here. There's no way any regular person could get aboard and save them.

But a spider-powered person could! I came as soon as I got your candygram, Mr. Mayor.

Pffff. Spider-man. What can someone like him do against a flying airbase?

nooooooooooothiiiiiiiiiiing

Spider-man: I dunno. Maybe smoke and mirrors? I'll think of something I work best when I improvise don't you worry.

That Sky Baron's so nostalgic for the olden days I bet he's a prude so what if... I tie a ribbon to my dick and start ribbon dancing. That'll get his attention.

He's doing WHAT? You don't deserve to exist you degenerate teenager.

That's right. Get a little closer...

The thought of you attaching something like a ribbon to something so small offends me. Time to die!

>BOOM

Spider-man: So that, Gentlemen,what you imagine there? Is not what am I going to do.

General: Why did you tell us a plan that would get you kill and describe how you'd die?

Spider-man: I dunno. Seemed like a fun thing Readers love those "what if" scenarios

General: So what ARE you going to do?

Spider-man: Eh. I'll wait for a sign.

What did he mean by that?

Hey Baron! I dislike rules and organization and like Freschetta Pizzas and Speed limits!

Yeah this plan is way better than the one where I die at the end of it.

HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE FATHERLAND

...

Right! The plan to get on the harbor!

Now he has a bogey on his tail and I get a free ticket to the flying skybase

Mayor: Look! He's doing it! I told you calling Iron Man, The Vision, Thor, or the X-men wouldn't be necessary!

General: You lost their phone number didn't you?

Mayor: Yes.

With that gnat crushed to death there is no one left to challenge my iron will.

WOW he is flying REALLY fast. I hope he doesn't try to check his blind spot back here. I can't get any closer.

If ruling the air is going to be this easy I might as well not even bother negotiating demands and order the city to surrender to me and have the state of New York join Germany like it was always destined to

And then the rest of the world will try to appease me and offer me something and I'll surprise them all by saying yes and honoring all my agreements! Then no one can stop me! I'll make a rule that the only planes that the world can fly are my planes and have a monopoly on the skies! Mwahahahaha

Sky Baron! Look out! There's a spider on your tail!

What?! That's never happened before. All the way up here?

Baron: YOU! You're alive?!

Spider-man: As far as evil plans go I give you an A- for imagination and a D+ for practicality.

Baron: No one's managed to get so close! I'm disgraced! This wasn't apart of my plan! The plan hinges on him dying by my hands!

Spider-man: You do what you feel is best. I'll hang on and watch.

Spider-man: A loop de loop! Still holding on.

Baron: DAMN! That was my one move I could do and now I'm all out of tricks

Green 2 to Green Leader. Don't worry about it I'll shoot him down.

Almost in my sights...

PEWPEW

Nincompoop! I have morons on my team! I, the acclaimed Sky Baron shot down by my own trusted wingman! Why didn't you lead your shots like I told you to!

At least we got rid of that Spider-man

Which would make my day if I wasn't going to craaaaaaaaaash

Base! Emergency Emergency! Sky Baron is going down over the river bring the base down and begin a rescue operation

*Sigh* of all the jobs I could get after decades of training I'm stuck with emergency lever duty

Welp. Better do my one job and bring our flying base down low enough to catch our infallible leader. If only he was infallable, too.

On the bright side, destroying that red and blue yo-yo should make one hell of a story if I survive

Correction: This yoyo is still attached as if by a string

Spider-man: So what happens if I make these flaps go back and forth and flapflapflap?

Baron: NO! DO NOT DO THAT

Spider-man: I call this trick... Suicide!

nnneeaoowww

OH THE HUMANITY

...

KABOOM

Mayor: So Spider-man how'd it go?

Spider-man: Great! Did you see it?! That Sky Baron's grounded for good!

Mayor: And the hostages?

Spider-man: uh

This is some funny shit, SNS.

So how about that Sky Baron! The world can sleep peacefully knowing that terror is behind bars!

Yes I know. The United Nations can continue doing its frustrating, ineffectual, symbolic work.

But what? Behind bars? We all saw the base blow up. He's dead! DEAAAAAAAAAAD. What about hostages?! Did you save anyone?

Spider-man: ...I forgot.

Mayor: Don't worry about it. Happens to us all every once in a while.

That's what I like about the hero business. Partial credit.

THE END

thank you

That's it for this week. Be back next week for I think's there's like 2-3 episodes of this left.

Please vote here
Poll 1: Do I keep going or stop?
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Poll 2: If I keep going, where to from here?
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A brief description of the shows:

1: Superman was made right after Crisis on Infinite Earths and tried to fix George Reeves Superman with a more modern Superman.

2: Captain America was an early Marvel production about Captain America's origin, time in war, and him joining the Avengers. It's faithful to the comics but didn't age well because he's brooding and moody about how 1967 is too far removed from the world he knew. Cap is one of the few heroes who origin gets better the longer he's been in stasis.

3: The Thing show follows the Scooby Doo formula somewhat except the Thing Clobbers the problems and is the mascot. His group is a little girl who likes violence, her slut older sister, a rich asshole, and a senile teacher who goes on trips with them for no reason.

4: Batman's first cartoon. Featured a lot of teamups and shat on Batgirl whenever possible, as she usually got in the way.

5: The Superfriends show I would wanna do has Darkseid as an overarching villain and introduced Firestorm with his broken powerset. Also Darkseid really wants to marry Wonder Woman.

See ya

Hmm, well Ruby Spears Superman ventures into RadicalVonAwesome territory since he did something like what you're doing here with the Megaman, Captain N, and Street Fighter cartoons.

Still less stupid than the aircraft carriers made out of wood and ice.

Pykrite actually would have worked pretty well.

>all those villains who come up with amazing future technologies fail
>use old antiquated technologies instead
... well he's dumb, yes, but at least he's TRYING to approach the problem with a seemingly logical solution.

>those flags
Ah yes, Spain and... and... just Spain then.